Sober Life with Real Reality

Wild Ride Willy

2010-09-17T15:18:00.003-05:00

I hesitate to begin this blog with its correct intro, just because I wouldn’t believe this shit if anyone told me what I am about to tell you all. So here goes:

“Yawl ain’t gonna’ believe this shit… butttttt” on my way home from work today I saw the damndest thing ever”! And I have witnessed some wicked stuff!

I know right?!? You are already thinking this redneck son-of-a-gun is full of it! But listen up; this is some real freaky stuff I witnessed today. I was almost to Willow Park (on I20 headed east)and this dude passed me doing like 100 mph in this badazz looking old school Chevrolet Camaro. It was a different color of black none other than I have ever seen. This black paint was the kind that changes colors depending on how the light hit it. He was going way faster than a 100 and I almost peed myself when he rushed past me like a rocket jet. So with reflex muscles that just came natural to me from birth, I looked in my rear view mirror to see if someone was chasing him. And sure enough way back about ¼ of a mile was the oh-so familiar red & blue lights racing as fast as his patrol car could giddy up. And then another ½ mile behind him was more flashing lights all headed our direction. But I didn’t think they had a chance in hell catching that black Camaro. But here’s the thing that caught my attention as the camera past me, “I swear to God it looked like a kid or a midget, (sorry little person) driving it. Then all of a sudden the 1^st patrol car passed me as I was pulling my ear phones from my ears and I could hear his siren screech by. It was a Ford Mustang DPS officer that was hot in pursuit of that little person/kid racing, running, fly-by, fast ass black Camaro. SO not having an official driving license at the moment I was on cruise control at 60 mpg (right on the limit) listening to my iPod (yes, it used to be a iPhone before our service was deleted from the ATT&T data banks and sent straight to the really nasty collection company that try their best to crawl under your finger nails and dig into your soft pink skin).

Sorry I got sidetracked there. Anyway I was just almost in a trance listening to, “Fire coming out of the Monkey” by the Gorillaz; which I just put back on while typing this blog because AJ just came inside and turned off my radio. (The Eagle was rocking old school Ozzy, Ratt, Quiet Riot, ya know the real cool shit etc…) so I needed the music to finish this blog. So I hit the accelerator on the old 93’ Teal Honda Accord and tried to at least keep up without going too fast. I could barely make out the ass end of the DPS Officer’s Mustang. I looked back in my mirror and realize all of the other patrol cars that were in pursuit had completely vanished like they were never behind us at all. I am really beginning to think I might be having a much delayed flash back from all of the acid I dropped in High School. SO I look forward and I can’t see the Mustang or the Camaro but realize I am pushing 135 mph and freak out totally. I let off of the accelerator and pumped my brakes a couple of times. Then out of the corner of my eye I could see the Cop and the midget camaro dude hauling ass down a dirt side road off I20. It looked like a Tasmanian devil was running down that dirt road! I look up just in time to make the next exit and swerve off I20 onto the side road and make the loop back around so I can find access to that dirt road. Now by the time I got on the dirt road the dust had settled so I could see pretty far in front of me, so thinking there wouldn’t be any chance of a cop running radar on this country dirt road; I slam down on the pedal and try to catch up to those two. There were a lot of hills up and down and topping the 4^th hill (the biggest one of them), I see the camaro upside down to the left of the road in the bar ditch. I flashed back to when my Papa somehow got his old Chevy pickup upside down in the cement bar ditch across from the road from Sheppard Air Force base outside Wichita Falls, Texas. They both survived the crash, but I never got the truth about how Papa & Memaw ended up upside down in that bar ditch. I slammed on my brakes and slid sidewise to the left and almost spun completely around. After the dust settled from my James Bond pursuit and catch adventure, I could see the little fellow laying there off to the side of the ditch tangled up in the barb wire fence is this little man bleeding from his face, his chest, and his stomach. His blood had already soaked through his undershirt and his fancy button down designer shirt. I jumped out and ran up to him and immediately asked him if he was ok? He was startled by my question as he squints his eyes in the sun to catch a glimpse of who was asking him this question. I asked him again, “Hey-Buddy! Are you OK”??? He told me he was good to go if I could help him get out of that fence. I didn’t even answer him and ran back to my car to get my multi-tool (multi-tools rock) to cut him loose. After I cut him free of the barbwire were he looked like an airplane propeller all tied up in that fence. I asked him, “Where the hell is that Trooper that was chasing him”? He just pointed to the other side of the road and I froze still in horror and disbelief at what I saw. The DPS Mustang was upside down and the Trooper was underneath the hood pinned to the earth like a sticlyless post it pinned to a cork board with a sharp purple tack. I screamed at the little man, “What the fuck have you done? What the FUCK”!!! He begged me to give him a ride to Fort Worth and that he would make it worth my while. I didn’t know what the hell to do! Then I hear sirens off in the distance growing nearer… I grabbed the little man up in my arms and thought to myself, my youngest daughter whom is nine years old and the shortest in her class even after repeating second grade. (No we did not hold her back because she is short and we wanted her to blend in her peer group better). Not that there is anything wrong with doing that, it’s just that Scout had to repeat due to falling behind because she missed so much school. I threw him in the back seat of my car and jumped in the driver’s seat, slammed the accelerator down and took off in the opposite direction of the sirens. Which lead us deeper into the country and further away from the Interstate. The other cops/State Troopers must have stopped back at the scene of whatever happened to them; which was very messy. I began to worry what the hell I had gotten myself into. Somehow I made it to the backside of Lake Granbury and recognized Indian Harbor. I snaked my way up 377 into south Fort Worth. We hadn’t spoken one word to each other the whole way up from that bloody dirt road. I finally broke the silence as we passed Bryant Irving going east on I20. I asked him several questions rapidly:

1. What was his name?

A: Lil’ Johnny

2. What the hell was he running from?

A: Which he replied with a smartass response, “The Po-Po Boss”!

3. Where did he want to be dropped off at?

A: The Greyhound Bus Station downtown.

4. What did he mean by “making it worth it to me”?

A: “Just drop me off at the bus station and keep the questions to myself.

5. Not a question but a much exaggerated AJ special was all I could muster up to respond.

We did not speak the rest of the way to the bus station. A million and one things ran through my head the short trip. I pulled up to the bus station on Houston Street and he crawled out of my backseat and slammed the door shut with a little too much force for a standard little man. I paused and watched him walk into the door and disappear into a crowd of passengers and homeless folks. I drove off and headed for the house. After I turned onto Forrest by the river I looked back in the back seat where the little man Johnny had just been bleeding all over my seats. I did a double take twice… which makes it a quad take, because I couldn’t believe that there was no blood. Then I looked back the last time and there it was, a box; a box that hadn’t been there before was now there waiting for me to pull over and open it. I did just that in the abandoned Fitness Club parking lot across from the Haunted House and year round costume/magic store:Real Cool Stuff. I opened the box slowly not sure what to expect, but knowing what I wanted to expect; money, cash money! BINGO! JACKPOT! fricken’ $10,000 beautiful green American danero. Please excuse me if I misspell my Spanish words, I am so lazy I barely use spell check on English words. My heart was beating so rapid I could feel my stints getting bombarded by my blood rushing through my veins. They feel weird when you can feel them, which is just weird. This was it! This could be my, “What I needed to get out of the hole and rebuild a comfort zone in the bank to cover emergencies and such”; a real "jump-start". This could get us out of debt. I started my car and put it in drive. Time to go home Wild Willy, time to see what the news was saying about that Trooper and see if they knew anything about the little man Johnny? Just then a Fort Worth Police Officer turned on his lights and siren right behind me and I froze! I jammed the gear shaft into first gear and left rubber tracks for a whole city block. Second gear… SCREACH! Third gear… SCREACH!!! Fourth gears… vroom!!! And I was gone! My car lifted up off the pavement and flew right over the Zoo up so high I could see for miles. Sorry Peeps, I just needed an escape from reality for a bit. And this hit the spot! Peace Peeps!

Post 9-11-2010

2010-09-13T06:14:00.000-05:00

Today was a real barn storming kind of day and I am pooped, but since I failed to get up early enough to post 9-11-2010 on 9-12-2010, I decided to go ahead and type up the follow up. Not that it was a great blog and deserved a follow up; I just wanted an excuse to blog. I filmed my first video blog today, but it is going to require some editing before I can post it up. I am very excited about it. O-man Romo just called a time-out on this nail bitter finish to a good low scoring game. I wish Jerry had hired Mike Shanahan to coach the Boys! I am sorry, my heart just needs time to heal. That was a win and we lose because of a hold???? And what was up with the smoke on the field before time ran out. Cheating $@#^#$&#^%8!!!

9-11-2010

2010-09-13T06:10:00.000-05:00

Anjanette and I celebrate 11-years of blissful marriage today. I had big plans to take my lady out, but do to a short check (No pay for the Holiday during probation), we are chilling at home watching the Rangers whoop up on the Yanks (2-4 LOL), switching during commercials to Stanford/UCLA, Ole Miss/Tulane, and UVA/USC games. Two of our friends are over, Emily who helped AJ and I learn a whole new way to communicate and Susan, Sadie, and Zack are up from Austin. Zack, Susan’s baby boy (11-months) is faster than grease lightning on the floor. Good thing I cleaned the house today for my loves anniversary present.

Scooter helped me some, you should read her blog here: Scooter News and follow her here: Follow Scout here . She gets into detail about her chores, so I wont spoil her blog.

I also would like to introduce one of my sisters to you all. Take a peak at The Fontanel and The Frenulum. I love that stuff!!! Follow her here: Follow Steph here

Check out tonight’s visual on the sideshow. I will load the side show tonight! (Yes Dalton, his roommate Parker, and Tron stopped by to wish us a happy anniversary, and to sure up details for our road trip early tomorrow morning.

Well tomorrow is today, but I am writing this yesterday. Which reminds me of something Butch Unefusser (yes very German) said to me yesterday right before the bell rang, “Yabba-Dabba-Doo”!!! He said, “Yep, there’s a sign at the bar that says, Free Beer tomorrow; ready for it? Drum-roll… “But tomorrow is never today”. Anyway I have to get up real early tomorrow morning to move Dalton and Parker to Denton, Texas. The boy is just taking the basics: guitar x2, amp x1, clothes x-bunch, hygiene x-only the necessary, and that’s about the just of it. Parker is just packing clothes this trip since he has been living in their apartment for a month or so. The plan is get up to Denton early so I can be back home by noon. I owe my girls some daddy/husband time. I worked a few hours today at Dralco, then came back to town and had lunch with me pops at Pee-Wee in Montgomery Plaza. Dad had honey-seared chicken with fried rice and a side of edamame and I had sweet & sour chicken, fried rice, with a side of fried chicken and cabbage pot stickers. Man, now I am hungry. Pops treated and it was awesome spending time with him. We hit Starbucks after lunch and then I came home to clean our casa for my sexy momma! I am beet and fixing to hit the hay. Thank you for reading and God bless you all!

Introducing new blogs

2010-09-03T11:28:00.000-05:00

I just love Comic Scans MS font. So I have some new blogs to debut, and I hope you all enjoy them as much as I enjoy writing them. Here’s a little snippet of what’s to come…

Scooter News

Follow her at:

I must blog about my most awesome baby child Scout. She amazes me everyday how smart she is. She has always been a thinker hands on take apart something to learn how it works, then put it back together just to see if you can kind of kid. As a baby she only wanted to cry. AJ and I had several tried and true methods to calm this child of mine. The vacuum was AJ’s favorite (although she will disagree with me here just because we are complete opposites that complete each other). The one that worked best was walking her up and down the sidewalk signing to her or just walking back and forth quietly to get her to go to sleep or just stop screaming at the top of her lungs. But other than that, she seems to have avoided the genes that make Dalton and Dakota so different. I will be typing for as long as my carpal tunnel allows me about Scout Opal Woody.

D-Man Rules
True Rockers can follow here:

My son was born July 17^th 1990 on father’s day. Still to this day, and I have had a few, my best ever fathers day present. He was my sidekick for the 1^st 7 years of his life. Then it went real bad with his mother and I and I went from seeing him everyday to not seeing him for 6 months, then when I did finally see him, it was with a protective glass between us due to my being incarcerated. It killed me for him to see me there, but it was worth it, just to see my baby boy after so long. I saw him one other time before I took the deal and pled guilty. The visits after were regular and some of our best times together. We had a routine were we would go to Putt Putt or something cool on Saturday nights, then CiCi’s Pizza every Sunday. Pizza and big screen football, what a religion. Jump to present day and I am having the hardest fricken time being his father than ever. I need to help him become a man, but I can’t. I have to let him fly away where eagles fly and hope he soars. He is not getting much other support from other family members, but I know he is that damn good, and that Denton, Texas is a great portal for him to launch his career. He needs confidence now and shit just ain’t going his way. Having a 20-year-old son makes me feel old. I feel for my father with a 44-year-old son still trying to find his man hood. Much more to come…

My AJ My Soul Mate
Follow AJ here:

I first met Anjanette when she was a young teenager going through normal teenager stuff but seeking refuge at my Pops & Melinda’s home on Elizabeth in Ryan place. I may have met her back at the house on Warner Street, but I can’t remember some of that time of my life. I did not need an excuse to abuse any substances. Anyway, AJ caught my eye the first time I saw her because she is truly a stunning woman, just like her mother. She has that model face with the pronounced cheekbones and all. Her eyebrows are a major turn on for me… (Oops, keep er’ G mate). But she was doing her thing and I was defiantly doing my thing. We were like brother and sister, she even hung out with one of my AA friends I went through treatment with. She had this friend she was very tight with and they were always together every time I saw her. Yes, she attended my first Wedding to Dalton’s mom and yeas she advised me to not marry as did several other people I will not mention. We lost contact after that and didn’t meet again until I finally decided to start dating again almost 2-years after my divorce to Amy. I was drinking and running a delivery route for Majestic Liquor warehouse. I delivered to clubs and one of them was the “Home Plate” formerly the all time greatest bar in FW “SuSu” lounge; right next to Zeke’s Fish & Chips off Camp Bowie. AJ happened to be working at Zeke’s then and we knew a lot of the same people but hadn’t ran into each other yet. One night I was partying there and I saw here (with Marolyn white hair) at the other end of the bar. I asked a mutual friend if he knew her name and he said, Who AJ”? and I knew it was Anjanette. I asked him to go down there and ask her if her real name was “Anjanette”. He agreed and the look on her face when he asked her was priceless. I let her stew and search the Bar over for a bit, then I walked down to her and started talking to her like nothing was up. It took her a few minutes to realize who I actually was, then she hugged me and totally freaked out. I asked her if I could come see her at Zeke’s the next day and she said yes. I did, I asked her out, and the rest is the best years of my life… Pages and pages to follow…

And if I can squeeze in some time to write a Sports blog, you will all have a bonus blog to read. If you didn’t know, you can click on each of my blogs (Follow This) link and can now follow with several media id’s; like Yahoo, Google reader, etc… I will try to post to Facebook, but that avenue is down for me right now. NCISP man!!! (No Current Internet Service Provider)

And… “Whew let me catch my breath” more on Sobriety, Dakota Is Awesome, and much more. It’s going to be a blog topiary! I promise!

Hell, I might even through in some Politics. I had lunch today with Kit Cheny from NOV and he is one connected smart individual.

My Job
Check it out here:

I am currently employed at a great company doing something I love. My days fly by and I never have any down time. I look at the clock and realize I need to go home and wonder where the hell the day went. I enjoy the people in our industry and I feel like what we do helps America in the long run not matter what the Politicians fuck up. I find it odd that 2 offshore oilrigs have blown up in the last six months and before that it was like forever ago. What the “F” is that about? Several of the people I had lunch with think it is strange that this has happened again. Read this Josh Fox's facts are not reality then watch this Pat 1 Part 2 Part 3and then lets discuss this topic some more…

Why I can’t work for the Government

2010-08-19T15:13:00.000-05:00

I love this time of year. It’s not quite yet fall but you can feel the summer dyeing. Summer has to blast us at it’s end because we are the closest to it at this time of year. So why? Why do I love this time of year in between summer and fall? By this time of the year I am sick of the heat. Only so many hot full on, no cloud, scorching lizard skinned days of fun filled swimming, BBQ-ing, and baking my precious skin that seems to itch the rest of the year no matter how much lotion I swab on it. And I am ready for Halloween. No shit, at 44 I still like to dress up and trick or treat! I don’t always do it, but I think about it every year. I was going to be a Jester last year, but I couldn’t find my tights. (from cardio rehab at Legacy Heart Care) Hey~shout out to my girls there! Dr. Ann Many Last Name, Gwen, Denise, and the little Cuban doll. And don’t think I forgot about you Mrs. I Love the San Diego Chargers! PS. LT plays for the Jets now, and he is going to run up and down the field on the Chargers defense all day long. Just kidding, lets wait and see what Ladamion has left in his tank. Back to loving Halloween. This one year I dressed up like a zombie. I cut up and old suit and shirt. Then I covered it with fake blood. My face was white with big black eyes. I had blood on my mouth like I had been eating a human. It freaked my kids out so much, they would sleep in our room for a couple of months. I had to beg them to let me go trick or treating with them. I have gone as Tony Romo, Bob the Builder, and even dressed up as Clifford the big red dog at my nephews birthday party. Any suggestions for my costume this year? Leave a comment or drop me a line. I’ll pick one of the best ones and post a blog on it in October. Believe me, I am ready to cover the pool for the year. The temp is averaging around 102 and 105, It’s like a giant hot tub with one water jet. I love it when the leaves sprout in the spring and I love it when they die and fall to the ground.

I must insert a note about what a Random Man blog is. When I get stumped on one or more of my blog topics, like sobriety, Dakota, and sports. I usually get a bunch of sniplets from each, non of which have enough stramina to post a full pullitzer prize winning blog, I randomize these thoughts and combine them all in to a spontaneous, no since making blog.

So I couldn’t work for the Governement because I would make every one of them look bad. Let’s just take one job, not Government but official none the less. If you have a DWI, and your lucky enough to get your license revoked for a year, you must pay a reinstatement fee. The amount is not important for this, but it is not cheap. So you have to mail your payment to Austin to be processed. Unless you live in Austin, I guess you might be able to just drop it off. Anyway, once they receive your payment, it takes 3 weeks to process you back in the system. Yes three whole weeks. So say I worked in that office and my job was to process payments and put people back in the system. I have a stack of reinstatement envelopes on my desk, each containing a buck twenty-five. I would have them done by lunch and make a deposit on my way to a two hour lunch. After all I am salary and very under paid. Why should I bust my ass…. Oh wait, I did bust my ass and do a days worth of processing in a half days time. Maybe I drop off the deposit, grab a quick sandwich and head back to my office to see if I can process some of my co-workers work load. So they all hate me and call me “Over Achiever”! I am outcast agent zero in the office pool, and no one talks to me. They whisper behind my back, he makes us all look bad! What an ass! It doesn’t bother me because I know some of my applicants are responsible citizens that will never ever drink and drive again. And they are ready to be leagal again. So I do what takes that department 3 weeks to process in one day.

Be sure to read my next blog on Why Government doesn’t work for Us.

Man Vs Squirrels~ The Attic Attack

2010-08-08T07:14:00.002-05:00

Not like Kesha (Kesh-ah) I did not wake up this morning and brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack this morning. I opted for just plain old Crest mint and a morning prayer. But all of the crickets surrounding me like I am they’re prey at my free Internet source may have. They’re jumping around into the walls and scooting sideways across the concrete. A friend of mine posted on her status update: “I hope Jesus never comes back as a roach or any other critter because anything like that near me is getting killed and I would hate to miss out on heaven!” Which I agree with Doc.

Another’s was: “I'm putting my best foot forward today... which ironically is my left foot, even though I consider myself right footed. Also, the reason I'm putting it forward is because I don't like to walk backwards... Unless I am startled by a grizzly bear or a rattlesnake. Then I will walk backwards very slowly. I will probably lead with the left foot in that situation too.” And I couldn’t agree more CC.

It’s Sunday and I achieved all of my Saturday goals, except the… excuse me just a second… “Ummm hello Mr. Cricket! I am not your breakfast!” so I didn’t get as much housework done yesterday but still a very productive day. I spent a good hour up in my attic fixing the Squirrel damage to my ductwork. Seems one of them (yes there is a family freeloading up there) is pretty good with a screwdriver. He or she (there will be no squirrel gender bias in my postings) unscrewed the ductwork from the vent to our daughters’ room (the hottest room in the house) so all of the cold air (misconception since air conditioners do not make cold air, only cools down the hot air with an ideal 20 degree temperature drop) was blowing away in the attic. No wonder Dakota wakes up sweating profusely. Now momma AJ is a different story all together. She can sweat when our home is the meat hanging cold; like this morning at 4:30 when I woke up for the 500^th time and realized not only did I need to pee, I was freezing my butt off. I cut the A/C thermostat up to 75 while my teeth clattered and my bones shook. I swear to you all, it was less than a minute and she was up turning it back down to 69. And I’m like, “ hey it’s freezing in here!” and she’s like, “I’m HOT!!!” and I’m like… “Ummm…ok I’m going to McDonalds to warm up.” And I am! It is nice outside with a cool clammy breeze from the west. It’s all clean air we get out of the west and Rockies. When it comes from the East is when you have to worry a little about breathing. (Not so clean air). Anyway, back to Will vs. the Squirrels: I fix the duct to Dakota’s room since Scout hardly goes in there, usually just to clean up Dakota’s mess, so now I feel like it is the coolest room in the house. Get it “coolest room”? I find another duct with a hole in the bottom of it where the techs that installed it had used some old phone wire they found up there to secure it to a beam and either the squirrels or the cord caused the hole. Fixed that one too, but I still feel cold air up there when it should only be hot. I loosened the nut on my turbine since that other squirrel must have a crescent wrench and knows how to tighten the turbine nut so tight that it will not turn freely with the wind….”Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the winnnnnd.” Sorry I just love that song and it pooped right in my head. So now when the wind does blow, it turns and suck hot air out of our attack, which is so insulated, you can touch the ceiling in any room and not feel heat. I isolate the cold air and it seems to be coming from the condensation drain where I was told right after the installation that I needed to pour bleach in, in order to clean it out and not have water backing up into the drip pan triggering the cut off switch which was moved by one of them squirrels in a way that lets the water just overflow into your attack and make a nasty stain on your bedroom ceiling. Wow-that was one long sentence. I must be rambling Rambo style. Again folks, these are not your ordinary drop of the mill pecan-eating squirrels. These critters got smarts. They are out to get me. I’m not sure but I don’t think that cold air should be blowing out of that drain hole. I dare not call __ at _ and ask, because he is only going to ask, “Still got that squirrel problem up there?” Since we have history with this company and squirrel violence toward our A/C system. I was told that he gave a direct order to the tech when he came out last week to not go into the attack, period! If you are an A/C tech and you have tried everything on the unit outside, wouldn’t you take a peek in the attic? Just asking.

So I decide that this is a technical question better left for my group of peers that know something about air conditioners. I get back down and hopefully from up there dirty, sweaty, and my right ass check hurts so bad from resting all of my weight on it for 30 minutes straight-fixing Dakota’s duct to vent connection. It hurts so bad this morning that I feel like a shark bit my ass cheek.

(Editors note: we just moved will inside McDonalds to the cushioned seating in order for him to complete this blog and stop complaining about his ass cheek pain).

Prior to fixing the attic stuff, I had filled the hole in our eve (squirrel door) with that crazy foam that expands. Today I will cover that said squirrel door with metal flashing. (The guy at Ace Hardware said the foam wont slow them down but the flashing will “STOP” them fo-sure. He didn’t really use the words “fo-sure” because he is old and doesn’t talk that way, but I thought it sounded cool. So I am confident that I have blocked all Squirrel entry/exits to our attack.

Some of you may be asking, “ why not poison them”? Well… I have, and they only eat it until they see their brother or sister flopping like a mad squirrel dieing a miserable death with toxic “RAT” poison flowing through they’re little squirrel veins. So poison is only good for a couple of kills, then the rat-bastards get all picky on what they will eat.

I am almost ready to purchase a very powerful pellet gun. I will set up at the peak moments and pick them off within a four-house range. So if any of you already have one of these squirrel-killing guns and would like some target practice, please drop me a note. We could make it a Squirrel shooting/BBQ.

I tally the battle at Squirrel’s 44 Me 21. But I’m gaining on them little smart bastards. I see victory in the near future.

On a side note, my baby Scout has decided she wants to start blogging. So we are going to set her up this morning. I am so proud! Look for it later, (her very first blog posting).

Peace out Peeps and for all you parents out there reading my madness, {Please remember that positive praise pays off} so tell your kiddos something positive today. Even if it is, “ Hey Timmy, you did a great job going to bed last night”!

PS. Does anyone have a lab that can do this?

Blame it on the Squirrels

2010-08-07T06:37:00.000-05:00

This font set small for a special reader of mine! Luv U Auntie!

To say that it was a tuff week would defiantly be an understatement. I kept Him close to me and asked him often to guide me through it. I said, “Please Lord, I’m trying my hardest to right my life, to be a better father, a better husband”. And he did!

Some of the names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent, (Not the Squirrels). Most of it is true but the writer reserves the right to call “Bull-Shit” at any given time in order to protect the world from an awkward silence that could change everything as we know it.

He was tired of waking up with “the dry mouth”, a bi-product of his deviated septum, and a side effect of breaking your nose three times. He spit the tooth dust into the bathroom sink and it reminded him that he needed to clean it, the sink that is. He realized that he had been grinding his teeth the last couple of nights. Sidetracking his usual habit, a dip of his favorite tobacco, Steel brushed his teeth and leaped into the shower. Running late again cussing under his breath to nobody in particular, “GET UP EARLYIER DUDE, YOU NEED THE OVERTIME AND IT IS RISTRICTED TO ONLY FIVE HOURS”. Steel tried to think of what could be stressing him back into the hell of TMJ. It would have to wait, he needed to be on the rode, his commute took the full time allotment because he never speeds. He could figure out what was bugging him the hour it took to get to the shop. He knew one of them had been the stress of having to vacate his family from they’re home in order to avoid the massive heat wave North Texas was getting slammed with. The A/C was under attack by the killer squirrels again. Damn’ them, Steel thought he was done with them for good after he danced his happy dance with the sweet sound of two of them flopping in his attack, dieing slowly after eating the poison Steel had strategically planted up there.

Could it be work stress already? Maybe a little; so he reminded himself to slow his pace, after being labeled an overachiever on his fist day. (Accidentally crashing the company server gained him that one) His days flew by faster and he often would look around his cube to notice he was alone, it was after 5:30 again and he didn’t even realize it. This must be what people mean by, “Loving your work takes the job out of it!” Steel felt proud to be a small part of a company that was fun to work for. His coworkers made it a great place to work too.

The stress of the week had taken its toll on Steel and he was down in the dumps almost crying when he reached his cube. One of his prayers to his maker was asking him to help Steel to refrain from fowl language while in his cubby. He had to make that call to his father n law to apologize for something and he was not looking forward to it. He prayed again, his third in two hours. He slowly started to feel better has his day began to flow. He certainly had plenty to keep him busy and he was still learning the ins and outs of getting his tasks done. Like how to approach the engineers in a way that doesn’t interrupt they’re duties as engineers for drafting duties. Steel could see himself in school, but for now the short tips and training he received from one of them would suffice. By the time 5 rolled around, he was deep into a project for one of his bosses whom he reports to directly. He laughs of the jokes about pecking order and taking care of the owners. The drive home was relaxing to Steel and he looked forward to playing catch with his two sons and kissing his loving wife of 35 years. He remembered to thank God for another beautiful hot as hell day on his green earth. He would sleep good tonight, with no TMJ!

I want to be a Billionaire So frickn’ Bad Part A

2010-08-03T12:50:00.001-05:00

I must say that if you are lucky, God puts a special friend in your life that is there for you no matter what. A friend that calls you brother and says I love you every time you talk/see each other. I call this a blessing from God himself. If I open my heart and mind to receive his message, I can hear that as bad as it may seem now, as hard as it is to maintain and catch up financially, no-matter how hopeless you feel when there looks like no place to go; BAM! He puts that blessing in the palm of your hands!!!

A special thank you to Wayne Boone for helping even when he was physically ill, stressed out, and its 11:30 at night. Thank you Mr. Boone! We love you!

I didn't get much sleep last night so I'll continue this tonight when I get back to the motel.

Scoobie Doobie Doo

2010-08-02T13:46:00.000-05:00

I got up early Sunday to try an escape the house before my girls woke up in order to have some me time. Which usually means I have to leave the house and seek free Wi-Fi. I did the old "Fake Out" on Scout & Dakota since they both woke up as I was sneaking out. I laid back down and pretended to go back to sleep, then once they both slipped back into na-na land, I tip toed out the back door. So I'm catching up on that social network and decided I would post something sweet on my honey-bunnies wall. And I did. Then after I mafia'd it up a bit... I went home and began the house cleaning; as I had announced the day before that I could no longer live in the clutter we have accumulated over the past few years. Once I got started I began cleaning like a crack head. I was focused and had a 3 room goal. De-cluttering our home required some furniture re-arrangement. (I learned early in our relationship that if you move something in our house, AJ will notice; unless it's something I have misplaced, then she has no clue). I mean I'm talking about a stack of papers or something really small like the toaster, she will not only notice, but she will demand that it be put back in "It's" correct spot. So I tackled the living room like a stealth bomber! I made the room look twice as big by simply removing 2 pcs. of furniture (Our entertainment center and the coffee table) and removing all of the clutter which included toys, a scooter, a box of stuff that belonged in the garage anyway, some bags of blankets & sleeping bags, and a ton of papers). I even convinced the little minions to help me quietly. Part of this process was taking 3 to 4 loads of laundry that have been folded and waiting for the "Others" to put it up. (The "Others" are all of us who fail miserably at washing, folding, and PUTTING UP our clothes). So I dumped these loads of laundry in our bedroom on a chair that I usually stack my dirty clothes (not really dirty) but my thoughts are, maybe I can wear that pair of jeans again before the Laundry Lady grabs them up with a grunt. Getting the living room cleaned and de-cluttered also required me to dump a bunch of crap in the dinning room to later go through. So I make piles for Dakota and Scout to take to they're room and put up> those were the instructions, "Take your stuff to your room and put it up". Note: Scout is an excellent task follower and cleans/organizes lie she might have a touch of OCD, Dakota on the other hand down right refuses to clean let alone organize. She tells me, "I don't even know what that means" after asking her to organize her stuff. So when AJ gets up, she see's a ass load of laundry piled to the ceiling in our room on the chair. She then see's the girls room (which is still in the progressive stage of cleanup), then she see's the dinning room full of crap (again: in the process of the big picture cleanup in my head) but the straw that made AJ explode was seeing all of the furniture moved and some of it on the front porch!!!

OH-BOY! IT WAS ON!

At one point I heard her say she would just never go into the living room again! But it sure was nice watching TV last night with Dakota on the couch with me, Scout sitting across the room in our rocking chair, AJ in the middle on our big ol' pottery barn chair (complete with ottoman), and nothing but floor space in between us! I finished the dinning room (except the computer desk), and started on our bedroom.

Speaking of God, Thank you Lord for getting me on the right track to be a better husband/father, even when it means I have to be the law, put my foot down, and enforce the rules. (When Scout say's I am mean and too strict) I know it's working! I know I am becoming a better father. Now Lord, please help me balance the/your/fatherly love with the discipline.

Sober Saturday

2010-07-31T09:02:00.000-05:00

The title has nothing to do with this posting. I just thought it sounded cool, instead of phrases like: "Quarter Well drinks Thursday", or "Dollar Scooner Sunday".

I must thank God for another wonderful week! Not that I didn't thank him daily, or rather nightly. I begin each day and ask Him to help me be a better father for my children and a better husband to my loving wife of almost 11 years. "I KNOW"... The Vegas bookies are collecting all you haters hard earned cash. Who'd a thunk that AJ and I would make it this long? I look forward to another eleven.

I plan to do something different this year since it will be the 9th anniversary of 9/11. No disrespect America, survivors, family members, military, but I can't get sucked into the media madness of 24 hour coverage remembering and conspiring, and saying," Thank you history makers for hating each other so much that we kill each other.... maybe that is better for a "Random Man" posting. HeHe! I am leaving the TV off this year, I'm gonna bake us a cake, grab momma (AJ) to a decent restaurant, and celebrate eleven years of matrimony. I'm sorry America, I will remember and mourn on the 12 this year. My baby (AJ) and I deserve a day of celebration, not remorseful sarrow. We deserve to eat our cake and shake a rug like a bug.! And that's what I plan to do this year on September 11, 2010.

An Awesome Place To Work

Another great week at Dralco Systems. God has humbled me with 1/2 the wages I am use to earning and I now punch a clock for the 1st time in 15 years (except that little Ihop stint). I love it! I love my job! I love punching a clock and actually getting paid overtime for the overtime hours I put in.! God looked down on my pitiful life and saw me crying asking his son to turn my life around. To help me rebuild my family that I almost completely destroyed when I let alcohol eat me alive. And God had pitty on me because I told him I am just a man and I have made poor choices; Ive strayed down the wrong path's and fallen to the depths of Hell and looked the devil in his wicked evil eyes, and I hated what I had become. God opened his heart and rained down his love and kindness all over my home (we can now afford to keep our home and the foreclosure papers were burned in our fire pit out back); I found a great job doing what I love to do and I love my cubicle! My DWI fines which I was so stressed about because I thought I might have a warrant out for my arrest was whipped off the books because I severed the full sentence in jail, therefore I am able to walk into the DMV and get my license back without being cuffed and hauled off to the slammer! My Sr22 (something all convicted drunk drivers must get in order to get your license back) only cost me $20.00 additional on our insurance policy! Thank you Jesus! My selfesteem is at an all time high! My family is healthy! So I continue to do my part and stay sober, get up and get to Weatherford Texas by 6:50am so I can clock in at 7am, work till 5pm at something that I am good at and love! Drive home and walk into the door of our little home (which I am ready to rent out and move out of Fort Worth so bad) < and hug my girls, kiss my wife! And most important, I thank God for another day and reminding me that change can be good.

Meter Skids custom fabricated at Dralco

read over there today>

2010-07-29T15:09:00.002-05:00

http://onerandomman.blogspot.com/2010/07/very-random-vi.html

Twisted Life???

2010-07-28T12:33:00.000-05:00

One of the things I have enjoyed the most about working a 7-5 job is that I get to spend the evenings with my "Woody" girls watching TV, swimming, hanging out in the backyard, and some scrap booking. Yes, I said scrap booking. Scout has me scrap booking and I must admit I am pretty good at it. So we are watching one of our favorite shows (Family Jewels) http://www.aetv.com/gene-simmons-family-jewels/ on A&E last night and this new show ( Growing up twisted) http://www.aetv.com/growing-up-twisted/ comes on afterwards. I get that most reality TV is crap and scripted to better entertain us all, and I don't mind a little script in my reality TV, as long as it is entertaining. Gene Simmons is entertaining no matter what and we love the banter between his kids and Shannon. So we invested and hour watching "Growing Up Twisted" which is just like "Family Jewels" butt different. Twisted follows Dee Snyder the lead singer of Twisted sister. I wasn't expecting much from this new show, but it was interesting enough to keep me watching. Dee's family is loud, funny, and very interesting. I can't help but think that Dee and his family were sitting around watching Gene Simmons show and saying to each other, "We are much more interesting than them!" Which has been spoken in the "Woody" house several times if not a thousand. Imagine the camera following us?!?!! NOW THAT WOULD BE SOME GREAT REALITY TV ENTERTAINMENT!!!

I'm not saying AJ would die her pubic hairs pink for our aniversary, or Dakota would try to knock out a stand up comedian; maybe Scout would cry if we took down the pool in the backyard, but I doubt Dalton fart in a Hummer with AJ driving. Now if none of that makes since, jet over to the show and catch a peep... Who knows maybe a new show is arounf the bend: "Wild Woody's" or ______________? Name our Woody reality show.

Drama at the Pancake Place

2010-07-26T12:58:00.000-05:00

I won’t dwell on this long, just enough to get it out of my system; but we all know that takes an inventory/prayer/more prayer/and some more praying. I pray for those that I feel have wronged me, not because I wish them well and want good things to come their way, but for my own peace of mind. Funny how that works for us sober folks.

I must thank Mr. Maturity for this awakening. Believe me, there was a younger Will that would have stormed off into the night after the first peep of any wrong doing in my circle (My circle includes my family, close friends, and of course “Muy”) only to make things much worse with vigilantly type anger and violence. I could actually feel my pulse rise as I typed that last sentence.

Anyway… Ihop decided that Dalton (my son) was infected with my genes therefore he should be fired. What a HUGE mistake Ihop. Dalton not only attracted new customers, he helped keep the regulars coming back.

It would have been so easy to waltz in the front door and walk straight up to that muth@^$#@^ (note to self: keep blog PG for Melinda) and punch his lights out. I actually owed him a couple of blows for direct wrong doings unto myself. My message to the youth of America… violence is a necessity for the world to balance. That doesn’t mean we have to be the aggressors. Therefore read this crap from an older wiser (LOL, right) American and refrain form violence. Bla…Bla…Bla…

Dear Ihop,

I quit you! Not my son, but “I” the older Woody quits! Get it… not the young one, the older one. However I thank you for firing him (even though I feel responsible) to allow my very talented son get away from your hell-hole! I pray for you to have great success in out absence. I wish you all whipped butter and warm syrup.

Sincerely,

Will Woody Jr.

PS> I prefer Old South Pancakes!!!

Limited FaceBookingish

2010-07-24T11:38:00.000-05:00

No he is not part of the grifter family “The Riches” (Formally a really good series on FX). But that TV station is another blog to follow. And you can believe that this local guy has enriched his days by limiting his social networking to an hour or none a day.

“I have to admit my life is richer no that we have not had Internet in the house for a week.” “ Not that it wasn’t already rich but limiting my Mafia and Poker playing time seems to be better.” He now wakes up real early, like 4:30am early and usually get’s a hour of internet at McDonald’s before heading out to Weatherford for work.

That feels good to say “WORK”! (A second job offer came via personal email yesterday) My focus at Dralco is 200%, which leaves no time for social networks or games. So limiting FB time has given my family more time, my employer total focus, my blogging a new inspiration, and my mind a healthy reprieve. Besides da’ Boy’s fire up spring training camp today in beautiful San Antone… GO COWBOYS! It looks like all the stars are lined up at the right time for a Texas Team; will it be the Rangers or our beloved Cowboys? It would be nice for DFW to get the Triple Trophy: a pennant, the Super Bowl, and the NBA championship, because we all know that the Stars are way away from landing the precious Stanley. Sorry- side tracked a bit there. Did I mention that I lost 35 pounds by limiting my FB/game playing time? It’s true the first day I refrained from internet I lost 5 pounds. The fat just melted off. True Story… Don’t forget to read my next blog. Also if you have time, please click follow on my blog page. It’s great to be able to share via FB, but not always easy to post it there. (Hence limited Internet) And if I’m ever going to write a book based on my life and blog’s, I will need a ton of followers to help get a publishers attention. Not really, my life is more colorful than the “Color Purple.” But it does help my ego if you follow me on “Blogger” It’s easy and only requires your email.

RIP my old friend RIP a Great Man

2010-07-24T11:35:00.000-05:00

A great man died today. Actually 2 men died today at the same time head on, a horrible mangled mess of metal and glass. One as 87 and had lived a life of a great man. He is a great-grandfather, a Papa, someone’s dad, a husband to an incredible wife. The news came as my boss was going over some orders, red lining the mistakes for me to correct or have corrected. Linda came in and said, “Did you hear about __Tom___ _Riddle____?” My boss said, “WHAT?” Linda had that look on her face, the look where you know the answer before she answers. I looked at Jim and he already had that look because Linda had repeated her original question four times before she said, “ He’s dead! He just died in a head on collision out on __Bethel Road_____ road!” “They both died!!!” she blurted out. Jim had been re-routed coming into town to the shop. He told me how dangerous that road is and how he has to travel it all the time, how his family has to travel that dangerous road every day. I could see the worry on his face. Mike and Jim had known this great man since they were very young. Had done business with this man a very long time.

RIP GREAT MAN! http://weatherforddemocrat.com/archive/x1255108840/Two-killed-in-morning-wreck-include-Weatherford-businessman

Just yesterday I was catching up with a real cool cat named Chad. Chad is former co-worker who later became one of my biggest vendors at ___FloTec___. He use to play big time Honky-Tonk venues with Randy Rogers, Pat Green, and some others. He is an awesome drummer and he is almost done with a new demo, which I will share here on my blog and the other social networks. I have limited my FB time which has enriched my life tons, but that is my next blog. Anyway… Chad asked me if I had heard about Don ___Krusemark_____? Another great man I use to work with at ___FloTec____. Don had retired twice before I even started working at ___FloTec____. He sold pumps for 60ish years. Seems Don had recently retied again from ___FloTec____ and ventured off on his own; still selling ______NASH____ pumps. So shortly after Don turned 85 he went out to ___Texas Motor_______ Speedway______ and did a ride along. The car crashed and Don died. The driver was critically injured but survived. I missed his funeral and had not heard anything about it even though it was in the news witch leads to my next blog...But first please read the two links embedded to get a better understanding of how AWESOME these two MEN LIVED!

RIP my old friend!

Don Krusemark, blood donor killed in Texas Motor Speedway crash, lived and died at full throttle | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News | Columnist Steve Blow | Dallas-Fort Worth News

The Connection

2010-07-24T11:05:00.002-05:00

“I am not a religious man but believe that most churches do more good than evil.” ~WAWjr.

If I let life’s nectar flood my lungs and slow my breathing and take in deep sweet life, I can see what he is trying to tell me.

Example: You are driving down the Interstate in the center lane thinking of ga-zillion different things all clogging up your thoughts and demanding your focus. The road seems to be hypnotizing you into a trance so much you start to follow the herd and speed just a little to blend in. (Unconsciously of course.) And suddenly a car pulls into your lane and slows down. Do you see a butthead idiot that obviously received his license to operate a motor vehicle from a Cracker Jack’s Box cutting you off and breaking your trance? Or can you see His message to slow down? Maybe by slowing your vehicle, you miss getting that ticket over the hill because a Cop/Sheriff/or Deputy Dan is set up catching speeders? Maybe by slowing down, you avoid the collision at that nasty intersection? He will speak to you if you slow down and open your channels to receive his message. Which leads me to my next blog… Please read on, I have some catching up to do.

i'MMMMMMM BAAAAAACK!

2010-07-20T12:55:00.000-05:00

A man can lose his identity when he has no means of transportation or money in his wallet. He can feel like a caged tiger and the sense of helplessness takes over. Eventually he crawls into a funk of deep depression and completely loses his touch of reality. So never ever mess with a man’s vehicle or his money.

I am gainfully employed back in the measurement biz and I can’t tell you how excited I am to be working for two of the best in the Oil & Gas Measurement. http://www.dralco.com/index.php I feel like a little kid going to Six Flags for his first time. I am actually excited to go to bed so I can get up and go to work the next day. I wake up several times before my alarm clock even thinks about going off at 4:30am. My commute is the opposite of the general masses. I am heading west when they are all herding east. Then I get to drive back east to FW from Weatherford with the afternoon sun on my back… not in my face!

I know eventually that this excitement will wear off, but I’m riding the pink cloud until it subsides. I love taking an order from scratch, detailing it out and then see the engineers draw it to life. Once the fabrication is complete, the thrill of seeing it in action drives me even harder to make sure that the next metering package is even better.

ALL BULLSHIT ASIDE… I LOVE MY NEW JOB!

PS> I apologize to my readers for my absence. I have been sober for (9.07 months) (276 days) or (6,626 hours) and I love my life! I hope to share more about my everyday living experiences rather than focus on the lack of any struggle I use to have keeping the bottle from my lips.

It's alive...

2009-11-17T10:32:00.006-06:00

Quick Update

I haven’t felt much like writing lately, so I thought I would through out a quick update. I am sober 32 days now and would feel better if the old ticker was in better shape. I’ve felt tired and symptoms like before my bypass surgery. Of course I needed my sponsor to tell me just because I owe my cardiologist money, I still need to make an appointment to see him. My brain just doesn’t operate that way. I avoid the situation because I let fear of the outcome run rampant. The financial part adds a bit of fear as well. I am trying to get in to Legacy Heart Care to begin a treatment that has helped in the pass. The cut off is today in order for patients to complete they’re treatment by January. (I won’t bore you with the details, so if you are interested, click the link and read up) http://legacyheartcare.com/eecpexplained.html

So when I call my cardiologist for a referral, his nurse tells me Doc wants to see me since it has been awhile. So Legacy is in contact with my Doc and decides that I could double up on treatments in order to finish by Jan. This is great news until my Doc’s pit pull in the business office calls me back and tells me my account is in default and if I want to see the good Doc, I better come up with some cash ASAP. I explain my situation (unemployed, broke ass broke) and she comes up with a payment plan for the broke ass broke people that still keeps me broke ass broke. Bottom line: I see Doc this Thursday and pending his referral, could begin the painful process of EECP. In the mean time, no running marathons, cage fighting, or any other strenuous activity until I get at least 10 treatments in the bag.

More Fear

I never like admitting that I am not in good health especially around my family. I avoid speaking about my health (mainly heart health) because I have seen the looks my kids and AJ get when I am not doing well. As a young Woody, I felt like Superman. : Live forever or die and leave a good-looking corpse. Now, I feel like Superman with arthritis. I know my body and can feel when it’s not working right. So a big step in my life recovery (sobriety) is to talk about it. Letting the cat out of the bag is a start, talking honestly to my sponsor was huge for me. And now by speaking about my fears, praying about them, then taking positive action (calling the Doc) puts me in the right direction. I’m not sure this will make since to you all, but to me it feels like growth.

Side note: Our President said yesterday on the news that the trouble with America is communication, so get out and start talking to your neighbors, call an old friend, speak your mind or shut up and listen.

PS. I am still working on the Jailhouse experience blog, so stay tuned.

Understand Me

2009-11-07T12:56:00.002-06:00

Please understand this is my blog and my source of dealing with my crap. If you continue to read my blog, understand me…

I am full of shit and refuse to let others know when things are not right inside of me. I put on a mask and always respond to the question, “ How are you” with a firm “Fine”.

This is I; I have been this way for 43 years. Some close to me demand that I show my true self, the real Will. That is not going to happen here in my blog. So if your expecting this and become disappointed when you read my blogs… do yourself a favor and refrain from reading. If you think you can read through my bullshit and gain something…then read on my friends. It is funny how friends from my youth and school days that I have not spoken to for 25 years know me better than the people cloesest to me. Anyway… I am sober now (no drink) 2 days now. I had 17 days most of which was forced sobriety courtesy of the Tarrant County Jail, but I was in a bad place last Wednesday and drank one beer.

My bottom from my last relapse is fresh in my mind and cost me dearly. The book is correct when it tells us alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful. Consider my but kicked and ready to go to any lengths to gain sobriety and spiritual peace. I reestablished this morning at Southwest group and it felt good to be back with people in recovery. Some failure faces and some new ones. It was funny to be sitting next to a guy I only met once who had delivered my soon to be ex-wife home safely the night I stumbled home from JPS after a blood test revealed all of the drugs and booze in my system; again courtesy of the great Tarrant County Sheriff’s office. My AJ had had a small nervous breakdown the same night my weekend jail was revoked due to my stupidity of showing up at jail so fucked up I couldn’t stand up. Small world!

I now have the duty of finding a new job, a place to live, and a Texas driver’s license. First thing is to give up the popcorn and swag, cleanse my system and mind in order to gain employment. Once I get a job, then save up enough money to get my license back. Then save up enough to get a place to live all the while covering the bills and feeding my family. Tuff road but I can do it. I have a blog describing the fun in jail coming so stay tuned…

PS. There was a dude in jail that said “Understand me” a million times every time he spoke. Drove me and others crazy so we would all say it when he was walking by us or near.

Win dinger of a Weekend

2009-10-19T15:39:00.000-05:00

Man…all I can say is capital D in dysfunction with a coma to the top S. Thank you Lord for letting me live! My baby sister was married in our church last Saturday and I missed it because of jail time for my DWI. I cannot describe in words how I felt missing this most important date in her life. I had flash back’s from the late 90’s when I was absent in her life (then too in jail). My sister deserved to have her big bubba there and my actions hurt others. I can never go back and change this time in our lives. I can start today to be the better man that I deserve to be. I can set a better example for my children and others. I will start today! I have half the day licked with God’s help. I know I will go to sleep sober. I HIT AN ACOHOLIC BOTTOM THAT I CAN’T EVEN TRY TO DESCRIBE IN WORDS. Just know that I lived through it with the grace of God and I will not soon forget it!

To: Marybeth Reich,
I cried when I saw your bridal portrait at your apartment last Thursday. You are such a loving, beautiful, caring, giving soul. I love you! I am sorry for missing your special day. I can never change that, but I can try with God’s help to change and be a better brother.

To: Dalton,
I love you and we will get through this together. I will be sober.

To: Dakota,
I am sorry that daddy broke the pinky swear. Only time will show you that daddy means his pinky swear!

To: Scout,
I’m sober! (today)

To: AJ,
I am sorry I left you to deal with this last weekend alone. You are an awesome woman and I am lucky to call you my wife, friend, and lover!

To: The mom that so wishes to help but can’t,
Just let it go and let God.

To: my Pops,
I love you! Please don’t beat woop my ass!

To: Myself,
You can do this.

Oh Danny Boy-the pipes

2009-09-30T12:51:00.002-05:00

Nothing charming or witty to write about today. I think my brain is overloaded with impending doom. My next court appearance for the DWI is in two days and I owe my lawyer money I don’t seem to have. He has extended my plea date many times in order to give me more time to pay him off. I withdrew the last hardship available off my 401k to pay him off. The only problem was when my lovely wife (soon to be ex-wife but remains my best friend) deposited the check in our bank it disappeared like a tiger in a magic show. I didn’t even know the check had come and been deposited. So some depression followed once I was aware that it was not there anymore. It’s not AJ’s fault, we both lack money management skills. So, my AJ is telling me every day to call my lawyer to explain my financial situation. Then the little comity begin the meeting in my head that results in the procrastinator “me” to not call and try to forget this impending doom. If you guessed that this is insane behavior, your right. I repeat this process over and over especially if I need to face the piper. Almost always this insane thought process (the comity in my head) leads me to drink. Drink and “I” do not mix, as most of you already know I lack an off button when it comes to any kind of liquor. Moderation is for pussies and quitters have all ways been my motto. So today, I will walk across my street to my lawyer’s house (yes he is my neighbor too) and speak to him 2 days before my court appearance and see what we can work out.
That’s about all the mumbo jumbo I have for today. I’ll try to update once I work this money/lawyer thing out.

I'm SICK!

2009-09-24T11:43:00.001-05:00

Go read Shauna Glenn's blog

http://shaunaglenn.blogspot.com/2009/09/warning-videos-of-dancing-babies-can-be.html

DOUBLE POST

2009-09-22T08:59:00.001-05:00

Good morning all! It has been a while, writers block set in. LOL! Recently I was asked to share about a couple of things by different people so I will try to cover both here today.
1. What has our experience been with our Autistic daughter on medications?
Dakota’s diagnosis is complicated to say the least. She has mental retardation, MS, tic disorder, bi-polar, Aspergers, PDD, and some others that I forget…
It has been bliss at times and other times a curse. Dakota started meds at 2 years old. We had first sought out her pediatrician for help. He tried to teach me the bear hug method to control Dakota’s fits of rage. “Yea right Doc!” I said. “You mind showing me this technique?” And he tried this great bear hug thing and Dakota let him have it. She had already cracked my nose a good one when I had tried this method of control. He immediately referred us to a leading Psychiatrist. The first type of meds prescribed was in the stimulant area. And if you have never seen a baby smoke crack, woo-wee dogee! Dakota sat in her high chair and drew like 200 pictures with crayons then she stacked them over and over for a solid 3 hours before we could get her to stop. It was awful and we second guessed our decision to try meds. We ran the gauntlet of all the meds available to a child her age and weight. And then we went through the combination of 2 or more drugs at the same time. If there is a med out there, most likely Dakota has tried it. We had the best results with Seroquel for the longest time. But eventually it stopped working. Resperidone/resperdal seemed help control her outburst of anger, but the side effect was that she ate like a sumo wrestler. We are now on an experimental drug that we can only get through the mail. It is not working now, but we have more levels to go up and see if it helps. They have another girl that had negative results until they found the right level. Now the other patient is doing great. We have moments when we just through our hands up in the air and surrender. It can be so overwhelming that we feel completely hopeless! Other times Dakota will nuzzle up to you and say the sweetest things. I have to remember to bring God into the picture and ask for his help. I stay angry at God so much, I tend to push him out of my daily life.

2. I was asked to share about my DWI.

It was an awful experience. I had been drinking since I got off work and had taken some relaxation pills. I left to go get more beer even though we had beer in our fridge. I somehow went from the 7-11 where I bought a six pack to a bar across the street from the 7-11. I remember paying my tab after several mixed drinks and then I woke up at an intersection with lots of Police Officers standing beside my car. One officer reached in and turned my car off. A pedestrian had put my car in park and called the Police. I had passed out at a light in drive with my foot on the brake. I am blessed that I didn’t kill someone. I was given the test which I failed miserably, handcuffed and taken to jail. My wife bailed me out the next day and I almost lost my job. I won’t bore you with jail details because they are always the same old story. I was asked to move out of our home because of my drinking. A week later I was driving drunk and hit a car at a light. I just barley tapped her bumper, but she was already on the phone calling someone. I got out to make sure she was ok, and asked her not to call the police. I pointed to her rear bumper and showed her that there was no damage. She insisted on continuing her call so I got back into my car and hauled ass. I am ashamed of what I have done and I do not drink and drive now. I don’t drive period.

Dual Blog Day

2009-09-14T08:51:00.003-05:00

What a rainy weekend. It poured and poured and poured at our house. So, Friday was AJ and mines 10th wedding anniversary. I must say the celebrations were help to minimum. Not one card from loved ones and just a few FB well wishes. I got home Friday and my mom & sister were at my house and AJ was all made up and looking finer than she has in a long time. I knew she was going out for to meet friends, but damn she looked good. So I made dinner for my girls, my sister, and my mom. They soon left after eating and Dakota passed out. Then it was just Scooter and I hanging out and she soon feel asleep. AJ had said she would be home at around 9pm. It was flooding our neighborhood streets and the “stupid people were driving the wrong way up our one way street. They do this when one of the major streets floods. I was beginning to worry about AJ, then my ala-anon training kicked in and I realized no matter how much I worried, I could not change or control anything. AJ rolled in after the bar closed and wanted to cuddle. I was not in the cuddling mood, I was thinking something else. Needless to say, the night (morning) ended with backs turned to each other.
I did not drink all weekend, and please don’t pat on the back for it. It is easy to leave the booze alone if you have another substance to take its place. I have always considered my core unit family to be AJ, Dalton, and our girls. Well, that core unit is breaking apart and I now must find a way to keep my shit together. I am ready for things to change, but there are a few hurdles to leap for us all. I have not fared well as a single chap in the past. I feel more mature now than before and have a self confidence that may just help me keep it together. I will miss my girls, but plan to spend as much time with them as I can. I tried reading the divorce papers my sister-n-law drafted, but just looking at them reminded me of my 1st divorce and how I walked away with the clothes on my back, well walked out jail with the clothes on my back. I know I want AJ and the girls to have most of the STUFF we have collected over 11 years. I just need a little STUFF to be comfortable living alone.
The girls seem to be doing well with all that is going on around them. We both have talked to them about the situation. Both AJ and I come from divorced parents, so I feel we have the edge to make this different from our parents’ divorce. Sticking to the deal is not easy, but so far, it is going well. I get in troble when I tell people or write, “Everything is fine” or “ I’m ok”…LOL So I must add, this sucks, I often feel like I can’t get through it, but knowing that we all will be happier helps me see past this. It just seems to be dragging along at a turtles pace. Not that I want it to be over tomorrow, shit I don’t know what I mean. If I get to real, my brain goes blank and I forget what the hell I am blogging about. I have a Defcon 5 blog in me for later, see ya then.

Guess What???

2009-09-11T12:33:00.001-05:00

Here I am. Since the corporate man has fully blocked all entertaining websites and taken away all control of the inter-tubes, I will be blogging much more which means double the pleasure for any who take the time to read my great Blogness!

Seems I hit a nerve with some recovering AA’s and A-non’s with my last post due to the lack of seriousness I shared towards my pending DWI case. Yes, I try to be funny, that is one of my biggest character flaws that I am unwilling to ask God to remove at this time. So, I do officially apologize to anyone I may have offended. Please understand that I do regret each and every time I have driven a motor vehicle impaired to any level. The last 2 were real doozies and I am one lucky Mofo that I did not kill, maimed, or injure the public and myself. My case is next month and I will plead guilty to the charges. Then begins the real journey. Humility will be my middle name as I ride my bicycle to work each day, which means I must move closer to work, which means living in a small town and alone. I have asked my son to consider moving in with me since we have not lived together since he was 7 yrs. old.
Today marks 10 years of marriage for my wife and I. It is a shit day to celebrate since 2001, but we have always seemed to make the best of it. Today is monumental as it is the longest I have ever been married and totally faithful. However the divorce papers are drawn and waiting to be inked on the dotted line. So, I am not sure what I feel today or if I even want to feel. I will not drink today, but most likely will poke some smot till my eyes turn blood red. I woke up and tried to make the best positive situation I could out a day that marks an anniversary, but it doesn’t look good people. My wife is not ready to be called a friend, which is what I feel we lost once our daughters were born. In my eyes we stopped being friends and became parents. And being a parent of a special needs child is hard “F’n” work. It drains me in all aspects of the human being of being-ism. ~ Will Woody Jr. (I like that quote)
I AM IN DENIAL!!!! < There, I wrote I AJ.
My train of thought was just squashed… See you tomorrow!

Why I must have been an Ax Murdered

2009-09-09T13:09:00.003-05:00

Ok, so it goes like this. I must have been an Ax Murderer in a past life because:
I am 43 and have to depend on others to drive me to and from...Uh, like everywhere. Now, most of you sickest ones out there (Ala-Anon's) will immediately think and respond with, "Well...William, had you not been drinking and passed out at the red light, then you would still have your license. True dat! But hear me out. I totally accept the repercussions of my actions. Yes, I drank way over the limit to operate a motor vehicle, and yes I popped a few extra pills that would have been better left for a new day. However, ride to work with a young (insert yourself here at age 23) yes, a young you, 1/2 your age and just like "you". And every morning, you hear this shit that you had experienced when you were 23. Then add the attitude that goes with this curb service for which I am grateful, not bitchin' here, just expanding on reality. The youngin' driving me to work is courteous and on time. He drives the speed limit and we always make it to work 30 minutes early; which Bossman really seems to like. He will poke at me a few times but all in all I only feel a little bit like Ms. Daisy when riding with young Dave.

Then there is the other youngster that gives you a ride to the Irac-E Shell Mart where your soon to be ex-wife picks you up with screaming children in the back seat and she looks like she could rip a bears head off and spit down his gurgling stump of a neck, then smile with blood on her face and say, "WHAT!" Let me back track, the youngin' that gives me a ride to the Irac-E Mart drives like a bat out of hell and believes the proper distance between vehicles traveling at any, I repeat any speed is a good 12"! His name is Jacob, but we call him Jakers. He has this OCD thing where he has to look at every person he passes. He can't not look at them. And he has this pissed off expression when he looks (no stares them down). Yes, did I mention that he drives fast, so imagine how many people he passes? He asked me one day why I just looked at my iphone the whole trip from Joshua (work) to FW Irac-E mart. I just replied with a somber, "It keeps my blood pressure down Jakers."

So yes, I drank, I drove, and I passed out and received a DWI. At what point do you say, yes this punishment is sufficient, and at what point do you say, OMG...this is cruel and unreasonable punishment, I must have been an AX MURDERER in a past life!!!

Wow Lilly....Labor Day Weekend

2009-09-04T14:53:00.003-05:00

SHIT! I know, what a word to begin a blog, but I just needed to get it out there. I gave up drinking this week and only had 1 qt. since. Now I am faced with a long holiday weekend. I'm sure there will be drinking around the house, by the pool, etc... Not always easy to refrain when it's right there in your home, RIGHT IN YOUR FACE! But hey, soon a day will come and my sobriety will come as it had in the past with me and God working a deal where he keeps me sober and I just float on his love.

My family is really freaking out about my drinking, thinking I am suicidal, or going to kill myself in a drunken rage, or even jail. PHffff!!! That is the farthest from reality. I am comfortable with who I am. I know that I will keep my job; I know that my kids will always love me and that I will be the best dad I can for them. For a minute I had to reflect and see if maybe I was just crazy and they were dead on about my drinking. Then I realized they are just being a little too loving and caring. What families do. Just let me be me and love me for who I am. If that’s too much to swallow, then hells bells call the choir. I do not plan on checking out anytime soon. For 2 years I thought I was dying from that heart attack and surgery. I have been letting fear grip me into believing that was the curtain call. Now I feel more confident in myself and my well being that when my family leaves me messages about how they are so concerned, I’m like ok... but I feel great!

I had dinner with me pops last weekend and I was a little hard on him and probably a little too honest. I thought the conversation went well, but when I get home my wife tells me my pops told her I was a total ass to him. All I could think at that moment is hey lady (my wife) you are the one that told me to work out my daddy issues. I talk to him about this crap and now I’m a total ass... UGGGGGGGGGGG! I am not going to drink this weekend, but I ain't saying it is going to be easy. Then, what in life is? Right?!

Have a great weekend all and may God bless you with whatever you may need.

Maybe I'll just poke some smot... Heck Bush did and he ran the country for 8 long years.

A new day ahead

2009-09-01T13:10:00.003-05:00

I reestablished yesterday at my home group Southwest. I am taking it one day at a time. My chest is hurting again so I knew I needed to get back to being sober. It takes about a month of consecutive sobriety to fully recover physically.

I'm back on my vitamin regiment (well what I have I'm taking) 1000mg C, 100mg B1, 25mg B2, 500mg B5, 240mg reservratol, Biomin II, 2,520 EPA/1,800DHA Omega fish oil,

Juice Plus fruit & veggie https://www.juiceplus.com/

Niacin and some other good stuff. I really need to get out to see Dr. Winslow for my stinky treatment but funds are tight at the moment.

I have some great leads on housing close to my job down in Joshua. (Walking distance to work) I pray they work out. I am not looking forward to leaving my house or my family. Being away from my girls will be the hardest. My son Dalton is up in Norman for a little hiatus to recover from a tough breakup (1.5 years) I wish he was down here so we could suffer together. This September 11th is AJ and mine's 10 anniversary. I don't think we are celebrating so please don't send gifts. (I can't remember ever buying her one or receiving one from anyone) She once bought me an entertainment system for our anniversary. Not sure who gets that, but I'm thinking she will. It feels like my 1st divorce where I am getting to leave with my clothes and all that I have worked for is left behind. I must convince myself that this is best for all of us. I will not drink today and I will go to a meeting.

Who the "F" am I?

2009-08-28T15:04:00.000-05:00

Ya know, I am so decayed inside and numb outside that I have lost who I am.! How did this ever come about? I want to do right and be the best husband/farther/co-worker I can, but I am totally lost. I am surprised people even say good morning to me anymore. (Well at least the people I work with and come in contact with in the morning). At my house….I haven’t heard those words in a long, long, long time; if ever? So, if I listen to all the self help mumbo-jumbo, then surely I am to blame for this dysfunction in my life. But I am not sure I subscribe to that shit! All my life, I have been told to be a “Norm”, fit in Will! Be like the rest. So when I think outside the recovery box, well… I’m in denial and sick. Fuck that! Maybe I am self medicating a little. All I know is that I am not going to AA right now, I’m mostly happy, and I don’t see myself in trouble. Maybe the recovery sphere is right, maybe I am in denial…I be dammed if I know!

My status is changing now. I am separated. Before I would feel total rejection and deflation. Today, I feel relieved. Not sure why, just feel it. I’m not planning any party or anything, I just feel like I can let go of the past and move on without losing my identity and going hog ass wild!

A constant state of confusion

2009-08-19T08:35:00.000-05:00

I am not sure where I am in my recovery today. I am trying not to fight it because the fight seemed to be getting the best of me. I backed up from the edge of the cliff and took a deep breath. I knew if I continued to fight my disease, I would fall and who knows if there is a bottom. This gives me some relief.

My awesome wife of 10 years sees my slips as an act of aggression towards our love. I couldn’t understand this for a long time. Why when I slipped (drank) would she think I did not love her and our kids? This didn’t make since to me and I accused her of being overly dramatic. Then I thought of how her mother has treated her and dangled the “love” over her like a farmer might dangle a carrot in front of a lazy donkey to get him to pull the plow. That’s her concept of love. A mother that insists that her daughter love her and if she makes a mistake or even gets the carpet dirty; well than she must not love her mother. Then the guilt ridden mother showers her only daughter with rich gifts and all is well because the daughter sees the gifts as affection and love from her mother. That may not make since to anyone reading this unless you know my mother-in-law and AJ. I am sure that I didn’t quite describe their relationship with the best analogy, but I’m pretty damn close.

So I slip and I know how to grade a slip because I am very good at slipping. I have slipped after 7 years sobriety, 6 years sober, 90 days clean, and 9 months dry. I got slips down! What I watch for is the falls. I can recover from a slip but a fall is something else. I am accused of not taking responsibility for the damage I wreak from a slip. That may be half true. I am a selfish bastard and my ego often makes me a miserable ass to live with.

So instead of thinking my wife is bat shit crazy and constantly defending myself, I need to stop and think about why she thinks I just don’t care about her and our family when I slip. By writing this I hope to remind myself that it’s not all about me. My actions affect everyone around me and hurt them. I can’t blame them for feeling unloved when I drink.

When the cards are stacked against you and nothing seems to be going your way, it is easy to fall into a trap of hopelessness and despair; ignore any positives in your life. I see many positives in the Woody home and for these I am grateful!

What a slip feels like...

2009-08-12T19:59:00.001-05:00

I am pretty sure I am crawling out of my skin. It feels that way most of the time. My Doctor gave me meds to help me feel normal, and for a while they worked great. Sometimes I felt too good! Like Christmas morning at 6 years old. Then they stop working so well and I start feeling a little less better each day. I wind up self-medicating with whatever I can get my hands on. Today it was beer! Not allot mind you, just enough so I didn’t feel like a snake shedding my skin. After a sip of alcohol or a toke of smoke, my mind and body seem to come together and form a complete union. Without it I they seem to fight all the time, battling each other daily with one claiming victory one day and the other reclaiming top spot the next. Some days it’s so tiring that I feel like I am not going to make it.

Sobriety can feel the same way. I can at times avoid the total mind/body conflict and embrace life on a daily basis. It’s the pending “DOOM” that seems to get at me. That “DOOM” that I have no control! The outcome is solely up to another existence. That’s when I loose control over what and how I feel.

Today it is the outcome of my DWI trial. All my life, I drank, smoked, and snorted, shot, swallowed substances that changed me into what I thought was normal. At some point I realize that what I am experiencing is not normal but the total opposite.

I am about half way there now. I feel numb and try to balance the confrontations as they hit me. I do my best to be politically correct…(Haha I just spelled “politically” correct 2x) I’m also practicing damage control because my family is sick of all the fallout from my drunkessspades. It’s all hard work doing all that crap. But at some point my body/mid decides it is worth the risks…

I will continue this tomorrow after I read what I posted and make sure it all makes since.

Bla!

2009-08-10T20:50:00.000-05:00

Ok, I’m really needing to get back to my AA group and get yet another Fn’ silver chip. (Tiny slip last Friday) The pending doom of my DWI case is getting to me and I can’t stay away from AA any longer. In the book they talk about the hopeless alcoholic, which I sometimes wonder, is that me?

My wife had a procedure last Friday and felt terrible all weekend. I tried to be the best caregiver I could all weekend. I pray that she feels better tomorrow and has a full recovery.

Not much to say. I’m down on myself and need to get back with God. On the upside, I saw Miley Cirus pole dance tonight and sing her new song.

Just another Monday

2009-08-03T15:44:00.003-05:00

Not much to write about today. I got up and to work on time. All salary employees at Wedge Measurement & Controls (where I work) must start punching a time clock tomorrow. I can’t help but think it is because of my consistent tardiness that this new rule is in effect for all of us. Just a little more added stress to the already packed shoebox. (I use to put all my bills in a shoebox, then burn it at the end of the month)
I must remember to be of service to others. I must ask God to help me imitate his love for all people. I have to accept that my situation is a direct result of my previous actions.

Humility = Publishing a blog and meaning to use the word “cornucopia” but instead using the word “Capricornia” Capital D-O-H!

PS. I think spell check hates me.

PS#2. Tip for new bloggers: If you don't have much to say, select the largest font before posting.

An Alcoholic Mind

2009-07-29T16:06:00.003-05:00

Right after I passed my driver’s test and became a road hazard in Wichita Falls I decided to order some pizza for dinner. I called it in and placed my order. I remember it to this day; 1 large pepperoni, 1 large sausage & mushroom and 1 large cheese. After waiting a good 25 minutes, I set off to pick up the pizzas. When I arrived Dominoes I had to wait for 3 customers in front of me, so I was in the beginning stage of being annoyed. Finally my turn came and I told the counter person I was there to pick up an order for Woody. The guy went back into the kitchen and returned several minutes later with a dumb look on his face. He proceeded to explain to me that they did not have an order for Woody. (Insert cartoon character her with a red face and steam coming out its ears) I started yelling at the poor guy and raised all kinds of hell. I insisted that I had called it in and that they were too incompetent to fill my order, I might as well have ordered from Pizza Hut. Mind you this was back in 1983 and Dominoes was the shizit of all Pizza. After I had chewed out this counter guy, the cook, and the store manager, they agreed to make my Pizzas at no charge. So all pissed off and having to wait for my pizzas to be cooked, I went out to my truck and had a smoke. So an hour after I had first called my order my pizza was finally ready. I let the store manager that I would most likely return for any future pizza from Dominoes.

As I drove home down Kemp Blvd I passed the Pizza Hut and it flashed before my eyes; I had called Pizza Hut and ordered the pizza from them, not Dominoes. I felt horrible; next to me on the seat of my truck I had these free Dominoes pizzas, and there at Pizza Hut were 3 pizzas that I would never pick up. I drove by with a guilty conscious but ate the free pizza with a alcoholic mind.

24 Hours

2009-07-28T10:49:00.003-05:00

I am coming up on a month of continuous sobriety on the 4th of Aug. I have 2 sponsors and 3 recovering alcoholics I call daily. I don’t have the desire or cravings I had a month ago. Yesterday was hard because I drove to work and had a little cash. I called my sponsor and got his voice mail. I fought myself (the comity inside my head) all the way from Joshua to FW Southwest Group. My wife even called me because her drunk-dar (she has drunk radar that tells her before even I know when I will drink) was going off. I did not stop, I did not drink, and after the meeting (which was packed with tons of newcomers) I felt a small victory. As I sat waiting for the meeting (Monday is the newcomers meeting at SW) an old timer came and sat next to me. He asked me how I was doing and I answered him honesty. I told him I was just doing. (Meaning I wasn’t drinking today) He replied that some days that’s all we can do. I didn’t let it control me. V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!!! I was greeted at the door by my little Ala-Tot Scooter. She jumps up into my arms and kisses me. Another victory! I felt proud and relived that I didn’t fall in the drunk well and drown myself. It was a good day and the group kept me sober. My kids kept me sober. My wife’s drunk-dar kept me sober. Wanting to beat this crazy shit kept me sober. And I know behind the scenes God kept me sober.

%#@*! Is today over yet?

2009-07-21T15:38:00.001-05:00

This has been one of those days were I could have easily thrown in the towel and at any given moment raced to the beer store and purchased a 24oz. to knock the edge off. The morning was turbulent to say the least. Not having a license is stressing the family out since they have to drive me to work and pick me up. I walk in to the office and my boss reams my ass before I even have a chance to make a pot of coffee. I am expecting a light workload and a super job gets slammed on my desk 1st thing. I’m thinking “F” it, where’s the liquor? Give me a doobie to ease my mind and chill me out a bit.
But since I am working on maintaining daily sobriety and trying hard to link these daily sober days together to form some length of sanity and stability for myself and my family and my work and the world; I will not drink today. I missed my meeting yesterday so today is a must.
I did not like today’s daily reading, too much God in it, so I flipped back to my sobriety date July 4th and again: GOD! So I went even further back to my belly button birthday June 9th and ahh…”One Day At A time” a concept I can Identify with today and practice. 24 hour segments are good for me, I embrace the passwords of AA. Don’t think of me as an atheist or evil person, I believe there is a God and I rely on him for a lot. I just don’t want to let go today.

Some of my Favorite drawings by Dalton Woody

2009-07-20T15:30:00.004-05:00

Some of my favorite drawings from Dalton Woody @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/sun_light_art/

Falling Frames of Time

Dalton being bored and this is what his boredom produced.

The shading is just spooky

Apple Trees and Strwaberry Hills

CANDY CANE LAND

My son Dalton Scott Woody

2009-07-20T15:21:00.002-05:00

,
originally uploaded by Sunlight Wings.

If you enjoy art and can appreciate the feelings a true artist pours into their work then you will love this site and embrace his work. Dalton has a gift of art in his music and his mind. Please visit his flickr site and tell him what you think.

A great Weekend Sober & Clean

2009-07-20T09:56:00.002-05:00

Twas a great weekend for being broke ass broke. We took it easy Saturday and spent time with our girls in the pool. Scout had a friend sleep over Saturday and they swam all day Sunday. I cut the grass and cleaned up the back yard. The constant fighting and bitching between Scout and Dakota gets old real fast. I pray that they someday bond and get along better. I attended my favorite meeting of the week, the 10 at Southwest on Saturday. It was a great meeting with tons of awesome recovery. I was called on to speak and it flowed comfortably. I often don’t think about what I might say if called upon so I can listen better. I skipped a meeting Sunday so I will hit the new comers today at 6. I did not have any cravens or the desire to drink this weekend. That’s a great feeling. I kept busy cleaning house, cooking, and working in the yard.

Step work: Today’s daily reader talks of Step 7. Humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings. This step has baffled me as has alcohol. But it appears clearer today for all I must do is humbly (remember I am nothing without God) then ask him to remove my shortcomings. I am not perfect and I have plenty of shortcomings for God to remove. If I let him work on them and stay out of his way, some of the promises will reveal themselves.

I will not drink today. I will talk to other recovering alcoholics. I will attend a meeting. I will thank God for keeping me sober today!

Try to avoid being an Ass Hat today

2009-07-17T11:23:00.004-05:00

My blog has become my daily journal. That is one of the things my sponsor suggested I do on a daily basis. Today I woke up in a great mood. It’s Friday already and I love my weekends. When I drank, weekends were ramp it up times. Push the limits and see how obliterated I could become. Now, I look forward to them for special meetings I attend and hanging out with my kids at the pool. I am the weekend breakfast cook in our home, so since I love to cook and dream of owning my own dinner, drive inn, and or dive; I enjoy cooking for my kids. I have no desire to drink today, which makes the day go by faster. Nothing worse than a slow work day on a Friday just waiting for the clock to hit 5 o-clock so I could rush to the closest beer store. We have financial worries right now which stresses out my wife. I know we will get past this, because God will see us through this rough patch. I tend to worry more about health and death than money. Somehow we have always managed to survive. I talked to my sponsors sponsor this morning and another alcoholic on the way to work. Talking to other recovering alcoholics is great way to start my day; thinking of sobriety instead of obsessing about drinking. I will attend a 6 tonight, and hit the 10 tomorrow morning. My girls enjoy going to the Saturday morning meeting because other members bring their kids and they get to hang out and play.
The daily reader talks about getting out of self. Stability shall come from trying to give rather than demanding I receive. It is a deep topic today and I will have to read it several times to truly understand its message. I think I will go to Legacy tonight for a change. I know one thing, I will not drink today!

Less is More

2009-07-16T14:43:00.001-05:00

The desire to drink is less today than it was yesterday. I was angry yesterday on the way home from work and I took it all out on my loving wife. Once we pulled in the drive way I stripped down to some shorts and grabbed my tree saw. Oh and I threw away my wrangler carpenter pants… no 2 pair of wrangler carpenter pants because I was pissed and tired of hearing my wife tell me how much she hated “those pants”. So out to the blazing heat I go to excerpt some physical energy. Physical labor and sweat seems to clear my mind and cool me down. I didn’t even know why I was mad. After trimming several trees and stacking the limbs in the continuously growing pile, I swam with my girls until we discovered that my oldest daughter (autistic/bi-polar/many other diagnosis) had pooped in the pool. It wasn’t like a log or anything, it was like sand. Had it been a turd I would have scooped it out and we could have shocked the pool. But knowing that the poo was in sandy liquid form, we vacated immediately. So I went in and made amends to my wife, held her for a long embrace, kissed her and said I was sorry for being an ass. I then ate 2 pounds of spaghetti, some cookie cake, home maid ice cream, and about 30 Oreo’s. I had reflux all night and woke myself up several times until I went to the crapper and puked up the acid. What a blog: poo and puke. Anyway I went to the couch and slept sitting up from 3am until it was time to get up for work. I will double up on my nexium today so I can sleep laying down like normal folk. I talked to one of my sponsors today and decided I will try some other groups during the week to get some fresh recovery. My home group is kind of stagnant at the moment so I think it will do me good to branch out. He has decided to do the same on Wednesday’s and Friday’s. I like all of the FW AA groups; southwest is just so convenient (a block from my house). I find myself thinking about smoking pot. I know I can’t because what goes best with a doobie? Yep… a nice cold beer. So for today I will refrain from all mind altering drugs including pot and beer.
I pray dear lord for the alcoholic/drug addict who is still out there that you guide them to some recovery and lead them to your love.

Just for Today

2009-07-15T15:48:00.002-05:00

Today has been a good day do far. I woke up early and Dakota and I got ready at the same time. Then we rousted AJ out of bed to give us our rides to work/school. I had to drag Scooter out of bed because she does not like to get up early, unless it is a Saturday or Sunday and dad wants’/needs to sleep in. I have not felt the urge today nor have I obsessed about drinking. I pick up my new meds today and I am excited to see how they work. I take an anti-depressant and an anxiety medicine (which my Doc refuses to give me any narcotics). My work is in the down part. I order material for huge gas measurement packages and when an order hits my desk, I have a week at most to get everything ordered and then start pressuring our vendors to deliver. Once I have bought all the material it takes to fabricate the jobs, I have a lull in which I must focus more attention on my employees and they’re duties in the warehouse and inventory control. So its balls to the wall then slow like a tortoise. I tend to make more mistakes in the slow times.

The meeting yesterday was about humility. (A topic I could skip and be just fine). I shared about my obsession and physical cravings. I heard some good stuff, and then I heard some rambling idiotic stuff to. I have a good group, but I think I am going to change things up a little and hit some other local AA groups, just to get some fresh recovery. I think because I have limited access to alcohol, it makes me want it more. I am not caring a credit card, I keep less than $5 in my wallet, and I can’t drive without a license. I am ready to get over the hump. But for now, I will not drink today.

When the going gets rough!

2009-07-14T10:06:00.002-05:00

The daily reader nailed me today. I have to remember that AA works in other areas of my life; not just keeping me sober. I tend to panic and flee when things get rough. I am asking for help this time, even if it is just for a group member to listen to me. Often the advice I receive is not what I want to hear, but is exactly what I need. I feel helpless without a driver’s license yet I must remind myself, it is my own making that cost me that privilege. I am fortunate to have a loving wife that will drive me to my job and pick me up in the afternoon. For that I am truly grateful. My life is not as bad as my mind tries to lead me to believe. If I continue to take positive steps forward, go to meeting, talk to my sponsor and other alcoholics, read AA literature, and just don’t take that 1st drink; I know things will get better. Time and time again I have fallen into the same trap of insanity alcohol reality escapades. I refuse to allow it to have power over me with God’s help! I am sober today and that is all that matters!

The Craving

2009-07-13T14:44:00.002-05:00

I have craved a drink for a week now. The contant metal craving is wearing on me.

I believe it is mostly mental obsession that is making me crave alcohol. I do not have the drunken shakes or physical sickness to desire alcohol. So if it is a metal obsession I must look at myself and figure out what is going on. Well, I know I have some legal stuff hanging over my head. I know that I have put a financial stain on our income. So my natural instinct is to hide from it all with booze. To drink and forget it all. If I am to keep my sobriety, I must do mini inventories and keep close to my T&R (treatment and recovery). I must talk about this stuff, which goes against every fiber in me. It was a tuff weekend but I did not drink. I made a meeting Sunday morning and then worked in the yard all day to keep myself busy. I went to bed early and feel refreshed today. I will attend the new comers meeting at six today then go home and spend time with my family. I will work on my under lying troubles and seek Gods help.

Today I'm free

2009-06-22T15:25:00.002-05:00

To be free from alcohol is a great gift. Alcoholics Anonymous gives this gift for just one buck a day (and never complain if you don’t have a buck to drop in the basket). The bondage that alcohol and drugs had over me was overwhelming at times and kept me fighting myself and anyone in my path. If I choose to let go and let God run my life, take it easy one day at a time, and no matter what… don’t take that first sip; then all my addiction prison is no more. I do not miss the constant chase for a high that only temporary numbed my problems. I can now embrace feelings and work through the bad ones and simply enjoy the good feelings. Once I love myself and trust in a power greater than myself, I can live spiritually free. I have always envied the Native Indians for their deep sense of spirituality and peace. Acceptance is the key to my recovery. If I accept people, places, and things they way they are and try not to mold them the way I “think” they should be, then the peace comes and I stop fighting everything. I am writing this for myself more than anyone reading for I need to remind myself of this simple concept daily. I am programmed to mix shit up, stir it, and shake it vigorously until it falls out of the yatzee cup exactly like I want it to be. After all, the world would run a lot better if everyone just did what I think they should do. I’ve noticed a calmness lately that seems to relive my angina. It feels great to not have that pain in my chest. I never believed that stress could make us ill. Well… believe me- it will and does! Some days are better than others. Some days are not all good. But if I just don’t drink… it all gets better… ONE DAY AT A TIME!

PS. I copied the title of today's blog from page 182 in the "Daily Reflections"

The Betty Ford Clincs 5 Star Kids

2009-06-14T00:44:00.003-05:00

Hey everyone, I’m back and full of shit like always. The 18th will be 1 month sober. I have a good support system and a great sponsor who keeps me busy. He list includes (which I am not perfect at completing): daily journal, daily reading, daily prayer, daily meetings, talk to another alcoholic, and continue to make amends. I feel better than ever mentally, physically, and spiritually.

My job has moved to Joshua, Texas that adds about 15 minutes to my commute. I love my new office and look forward to when we are all organized and fully operating. The drive is nice and reminds me of living in a small town. I think often how nice it would be to move the family down to Joshua and just slow our pace of life down.

Our youngest daughter Scout attended the 3-day 5 Star Kids Camp this weekend. It is a Betty Ford Clinic program for kids of alcoholics. I highly recommend it for any recovering addict/alcoholic that have children to look this program up and enroll your kiddos ASAP.
http://www.bettyfordcenter.org/children/texas/outline.php

It opened my eyes and heart to participate with Scout and AJ today. I feel like it helped my sobriety a ton, but the best thing was that it helped Scout deal with all the stuff she had balled up inside her. Think of a backpack full of rocks, now imagine your child is carrying that backpack around all day and night. The 5 Star programs gets them started removing those rocks so life is easier to walk through. It’s not easy and you are required to participate with group therapy. Well-trained counselors nurture your child and they lay your laundry out in front of everyone. Scout went 1st out of 6 kids and I could not be more proud of her. She did an awesome job. It was hard to hear all the kids talk about a specific event when a parent hurt them with addiction. They learn that it is not their fault and start the healing process. The best thing is they give you all these tools to help your chills and follow up care leads. The Betty Ford clinic has this thing down and Scout will have a lifetime connection with the staff and recovery program. Again… if you have kids and you want to help them, call the clinic Monday morning.
Dakota is doing much better and went to Cooks to have a CT scan to see if she has any brain damage from the last med reduction. I have been praying for patience to better understand her and love her like she needs. She is a precious angel.

I want to thank Kyle (female), Pam, and Lance for a great expirience today at the clinic. They are a true blessing and I feel blessed to ahve met them and been a part of the 5 Star Kids Clinic!

Play that song again

2009-06-05T13:14:00.001-05:00

What a glorious day to be sober. God has blessed us with clear blue skies and the sweet smell of summer. The cool air feels awesome! It's very slow at work so I am using the time to pack up my office. Most of us have already moved down to Joshua and I am excited to get into my new corner office. I get a new desk (bigger than the one I have now) and most importantly a " Window", yes I said the "W" word! I plan to have some plants in my new office.

I just had 2 pork tacos & a DP for lunch. Yes it was nummy!!!

Hope you all have great day!

Ketchup or Catch-up?

2009-06-04T15:46:00.002-05:00

I am sorry for no blogging the last few months. I hit a real deep point in my recovery and flip flopped like a fish out of water. I have some real bad consequences’ from my relapses. Things are getting better now. Anyhow… I will try to get you all up to speed, if you’re still reading that is.
Well it’s now day 17 and the fog is lifting a bit. I feel good and my chest has loosened up a lot. I am still separated from my wife of 10 years this September 11th. Living at my dad’s has been a good experience. We have not always communicated well, we had our moments when I was growing up, but we stayed clear of the real honest conversations. He was always busy chewing on my ass for doing something wrong. It must have been hard for him to work all day then come home and listen to my mother rat me out for my mischievous deeds. It was bad stuff if my momma told my dad. I could manipulate her out of telling him the small stuff. Then he would have to be the “Punisher”. Anyway some things have run paraell in our lives and he spoke to me with sincere honesty about his feelings. Man… blew me away. I am not use to this and it was a bit uncomfortable, but in a good way.
My home group is celebrating its anniversary this weekend. We have old timers giving the history, speakers, BBQ, meetings, and lots of fellowship. I look forward to it. The other day one of our elders Betty shared about when she heard one of the original 100 (Clifford; I think) speak. He said that the “Think-Think-Think” slogan we have on our wall came from one of the original 100 who worked for IBM. Seems IBM had an abundance of the posters left over from a marketing program. So he brought on to hang in their AA house. He then said that “Think-Think-Think” was more like “Skeem-Skeem-Skeem” for drunks. I thought that was funny and true, for my best thinking got me to AA. It is nice to have the bond at our AA house. Most come early and stay after meetings to visit.
My sponsor is taking college courses to become a surgical nurse, so I have been using the group when he can’t answer my calls early in the day. I call a recovering alcoholic on my way to work and back home. These were my weakest times of the day. If I ever stopped for a beer in the morning, it would be “No work for Will Day”, and when I stopped after work on the way home, it was, “Just 1 24oz.” Until I drank that one and saw another beer store. Then stumbling in the front door of my house smelling like a brewery and slurring like a street bum. So by talking on the phone to another alcoholic, I avoid the beer stores altogether and make it to a work in the mornings or to a meeting in the evenings.
I bumped into an old friend from my drug/alcohol treatment days back in 1986. He looked the same only older. He was like a God to me when I was 19. He had playboy magazines on his coffee table, a real lady killer (so he thought). He lives in the same apartments that my baby sister Marybeth does and was out at the pool both Saturday and Sunday. He was drinking beer on Saturday and made the statement to my little sister that he was too old to stop drinking. On Sunday he confided to me that he has liver cancer. I felt bad for him but did not ask him if he wanted to attend a meeting. We exchanged numbers and vowed to call each other. Later that Sunday he came out of the pool after a 30 swim and pulled his 2 month old iphone out of his pocket. Yep! Iphone’s and water are not a good mix. I so would do something like that when I drank. Better yet I might throw an iphone against the wall sober… I called Paul Monday and got his voicemail. I left a message and he returned the call Tuesday after he purchased a new iphone. I told him over the phone that if he ever decided he wanted to attend a meeting, I would be glad to walk through the doors with him. It felt good to stand on the side of sobriety and try to help a fellow alcoholic. If anything I maybe poured a little water on the AA seed.
I am stagnant in my step work. I have my amends list and have made 1 amend. I had to do it by email, but it worked. I received a response, appolgy accepted-no further communication needed. My sponsor say’s that’s good. I have one I need to write out because the person I hurt is dead now. I think that will be the next amends. My sponsor (an old ex-narcotics detective) is going to schedule some time to sit down with me and get me active in my step work. I am ready, for I’m not one to embrace non-change and I get bored easily.
That’s about it. One day at a time!

Yes I'm still alive and Sober

2009-05-23T17:40:00.001-05:00

You may or may not have noticed that I have been quiet for some time. Much has happened and I can't or won't share on all of it. I will tell you that I have not had a drink for 6 days (One day at a time), I am staying at my dads house (seperated from my wife), and I am still employed. My last 3 drunken spells have all ended in blackouts which did not produce good outcomes. I am beat up enough and I surenderd my life to a God of my understanding! I look forward to each days dawn and thank God each night for keeping me clean & sober. It is memorial day weekend... Hug a soldier!!!

Sober Time with the Boy

2009-05-13T22:13:00.006-05:00

My workday seemed very long today. We have a few huge projects in the queue, but I am waiting for eng/drafting to give me BOM’s & drawings. Anyway that probably doesn’t make any since to most or all of you. So I hit a 6 at Harbor because it is closer to my Pop’s house and my tank is on “E”; no worries my check is deposited tomorrow night. Since I am back on the West

side of Cowtown, I call the boy (he lives on the West Side) and we decide to hang out since he is on his way back from Colleyville. (His lil’ sweetheart lives up there). I didn’t feel like watching the Mavericks get the butt kicked so this is good timing to spend some 1 on 1 time with my son. He picks me up at my Pop’s house and we go have dinner at El Fenix on Camp Bowie. Ya' just can’t get any Wester than Old Bowie street. This in it’s self was awesome to be sober and hanging with my boy. We are driving back down Camp Bowie when Dalton asks me if I want to hear something cool? Hell yes, see my son is a rock star and can play the shit out of any instrument you put in front of him (he did have trouble getting the oboe down but eventually mastered that one too). http://www.myspace.com/thegreycompanyband
http://www.pegasusnews.com/events/2009/jun/05/139346/

Look up^^^ that's the back of his head.

Check him out, he rocks the lead guitar. (Secret Grey Company insider info: the bass player can jam pretty well on lead too) But my son is the shizzzit when it comes to anything musical. (O- did I mention he sells his drawings too; yes a little artist to the bone).

So we are on our way to the Modern Art Museum off… say it with me, “ Camp Bowie Blvd”. I am on the phone with my baby Scout and she asks me what the noise in the background is??? I tell her it is the radio, but already know before I say it that I am so busted. I didn’t want her to know I was hanging with Dalton because she would be so pissed. (She may only be 2’3” and 25 lbs wet, but she packs a mean wallop!) I try to change the subject several times and she taints biting none of them. (She knows I don’t have a working radio in my Honda)
D-man and I get to the Modern and I somehow manage to get off the phone with Scooter. Now here is knowing the Modern comes in handy to my little story. There is this sculpture like bigger than King Kong and you can walk inside it and the acoustics are freaking crazy. The picture doesn’t do it justice; being inside it is really cool; being inside it while Dalton Scott Woody is playing his acoustic guitar…. F’n priceless. The sounds bounce right back to the source. It was an amazing experience and I got to enjoy it because I was sober. Better even; my boy got to enjoy it because I was sober.

PS. I jammed to the Grey Company with the head phones to the lap top as I wrote this, so it may seem like I love my son, or that I am very proud of his achievements, or how very proud he turned from a punkass kid to a kickass man in spite of my efforts as a fucked up dad.

PSS. My Pops has this Ed Begley Jr. toilet. http://www.edbegley.com/environment/
Nobody flushes his or her pee so I feel like the designated flusher every time I flow a stream.

Dakota is Much Better

2009-05-10T11:53:00.002-05:00

Much has happened since my last blog. Too much to detail. We have Dakota back on meds and she seems to be doing much, much, much better. She sleeps through the night and takes naps during the days. I too am back on meds and feel like a champion bull ridder. I am putting my sobriety before all and to any lengths. I want to thank all of you for your thoughts, well wishes, and prayers; we felt everyone of them.

A Mother's Day Promise

2009-05-10T11:33:00.003-05:00

My promise to all mothers today is to not drink and drive.

My promise is to stay sober just for today.

My promise is selfish but will benefit you all; because today I stay sober for myself.

May all mother's with children in the armed services have peace of mind and may God look over your loved ones as they dedicate their lives to serve our country.

May all mother's with children in hospitals feel Gods presence and rest
with peace and Gods love today.

I wish all mother's a day of recognition... for without mother's, the world would not have clean underwear!

Sunshine, Lil Puppies, & Rainbows

2009-04-25T14:20:00.002-05:00

As I finished washing the dishes just now, (Yes, it is the general concinsious that I am the best at washing the dishes) I realized that if it weren’t for 7-11 slurpie’s, Mexican Inn, sporting events, and festivals like May Fest; the Woody home would not have drinking glasses. Not that we have not had nice expensive “real glass” glasses, it’s just that the dish washer (me) always breaks those Pottery Barn/William Sonoma type glasses while washing them. We had a real expensive glass ware set from Dillard’s in the first wife’s house. She used to scream at me each time I broke one thinking I did it intentionally. So I believe subconsciously, that became my goal; to break every damn one of them. When I signed our divorce papers (yes, my arm reached out between the bars of the Tarrant County Jail to sign them-gratefully) only one of those nice glasses remained in the cupboard. I like our eclectic collection of drinking cups. We have: the Wolverine slurpee collection, Pudge Rodriguez and Juan Gonzalez, Troy Aikman and Mouse Johnston, several Batman and Spiderman cups, and of course several cups from local festivals. Some of them even hologram to move when you drink. My fav is the Ozzy Osborne slurpee cup. (Any of you have one of them jewels in your collection?)

Important question you may be asking yourselves? Is Will sober? YES…11 days today. I feel good and I don’t know shit, so I am sticking close to my sponsor and doing what he tells me. I have dummied my program down, even though he is pushing me on step 8 to make amends to those I have harmed.

Another question you all probably kicked around in your head this morning? How is Dakota? She is home, still herky-jerky as all get out and pissed off at the world. I am going to do a video b log tonight and you will have a visual to accompany this description. We will continue to work with her neurologist once he returns from his trip to reach a diagnosis and treatment to help her be herself again. AJ and I still believe we made the correct decision to take her off the heavy physcotrophic drugs.

Two video blogs tonight if I can figure out how to post them.

Two Easters and a 5th Step

2009-04-12T23:26:00.001-05:00

AJ and I both come from divorced parents, so all together there are 7 grandparents. This is awesome for our children because the loot is always 4 fold. Holidays can be a little stressful for adults like AJ and I. We have a pretty good routine and it has worked for 7-8 years. We start at our house and then drive 2 minutes to AJ’s dad’s house. We talk, take a family picture, pray and eat. We load the Honda up and head to my dad’s house. We visit, listen to my Step-mom put all of our dirty laundry out in the room and then eat some more.

Well today I took a little detour over to my sponsor’s house and completed my 5th Step and man it feels like a 10 ton rock has been lifted from my shoulders. As we started I had an overwhelming urge to drink. I fantasized leaving and getting a few tall boys on my way to my dad’s. I talked to Doug) my sponsor) about my thought and craving. This is a big step for me because I usually hold it in and then just drink. After we got started, it went smooth and he didn’t even bat an eye at my worst darkest secrets. (My wrong doings) Ya know the ones you think you take to your grave. Anyway, I drove to y dad’s house and finished our 2 family Easter celebration.
After thought. AJ and I are facing a decision that we have always regretted but could be the best solution for everyone in our family. I’ll expand tomorrow.

Thank you Jesus for dying for us and forgiving our sins.

I Shit You Not!

2009-04-08T16:06:00.005-05:00

From today’s daily reflections, (yes I reflect daily now): We want to find out exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves. By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction.

Does that sound like 4th step action or what? Well… guess what? I just completed my 1st 4th step ever and will complete #5 this afternoon (God willing). I switched gears after reestablishing April 4th and am now working with a sponsor closer to my level of disease/recovery. Not that my original sponsor was not working or at fault for my slips; I just felt the need to work with someone on my level. A real butt kicker! (And Doug is a butt kicker) So here I am feeling pretty damn good about myself and ready to move on in my recovery!!!

For the non-AA’s that might be reading today…

Step 4
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step 5
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Bonus track: My son is coming over for dinner tonight and I am sober. Seems every time he has blessed us with his presence; I’ve been a drunken fool! Speaking of drunken fools, I managed to stumble into my tattoo guys shop last binge and convince him I had had nothing to drink that fine Friday and so commenced the inking of my sons name on my right ass cheek. Unfortunately he miss spelled his name and I was too drunk to notice before it was too late. So I am now in touch with the court house to legally change”Dalton’s” first name to “Dolphin”

A WIDE ARC OF GRATITUDE

2009-04-07T10:34:00.003-05:00

Am I capable of such generous tribute and gratitude to my wife,
parents and friends, without whose support I might never have survived to reach
A.A.'s doors? I will work on this and try to see the plan my Higher Power is
showing me which links our lives together.

I can’t tell you how many times my wonderful wife has saved my ass! I must have been a freaking’ Pope in a past life for to have been blessed with such an awesome woman to take care of me, love me unconditionally, hold my head up so I wouldn’t choke on my own vomit, put up with my disappearing acts, raise my children, clean the house (non-stop), cook our meals, the list goes on and on. I am blessed and truly grateful for “AJ”!

My support doesn’t stop there: So many family members have put up with my disease and the fall out; stood by me thick and thin. I want to express my gratitude for you all! Thank you!

And my friends too! The real friends who offer thoughts and prayers instead of sickness and madness!
Thank you!

Lil' Bunnies and Shelton Ponies

2009-04-05T11:36:00.002-05:00

I am a fake, a fraud, an imposter; I am insecure and a keen manipulator. I am stripping myself down and allowing vulnerability. I set myself up for failure by playing in the annual Flotec Invitational Friday. I was told this before I went but I wanted to prove to myself and others that I could do this and stay sober. I did great upon arriving and waiting for the shotgun tee off. I guzzled ice tea while everyone (and I mean everyone) started hitting the beer. I continued to drink water and power aid on the front nine. When we switched to the back nine my boss went into the club house bar and bought 4 shots of tequila for our team. Several things went through my sick alcoholic brain:
1. Pour it out over my shoulder.
2. Give it to one of my team members.
3. Drink just that one shot, but not tell anyone.
But a 1,000 is never enough and 1 is always too many!

bla…bla…bla, just another slip song!
I have changed directions with a new sponsor, not that my old sponsor wasn’t working… I just thought it better that I work with a more hopeless drunk. (my original sponsor came in oh… 20+ years ago and has stayed sober ever since) So I have decided to use a guy who has just a little more than a year sobriety (a real hopeless case that seems to have it now) and our plan is to get past the 4th and 5th now. Empty the trash bin ASAP…

So the goal is to complete my 4th step before I go to bed tonight.

I would like to thank you all for the thoughts, prayers, and words of
encouragement, death threats, and air raids! I wish I could tell you all
honestly that I have hit my last bottom but I can’t. All I know is I have asked
God to keep me sober today, so I won’t drink today.

April Fools.....Ummm NO!

2009-04-02T14:08:00.001-05:00

Today is day 1 again. I have beaten myself up once more and disappointed my family and friends. I won’t spend a lot of words on how down I am, I would rather focus on the at the positives. My new sobriety date is in April and even though I reestablished yesterday, I was drunk and decided to move my date to today. My wife is ready or has already packed her bags. Them Ala-Anon’s don’t play… serious shit they have working in their programs. The added pressure of losing my wife drives me back to sobriety and I know I have had enough. I get anxiety almost every day and the stress makes my chest hurt. I popped a couple xanax and headed to the 6 at Southwest. I must have feel asleep, because the next thing I remember was being woken up by 4 members asking me what the hell I was on. I walked to my car and drove straight to the liquor store, bought a pint of whisky and a six pack of Heineken. I quickly downed the pint and stated guzzling the beers. I remember getting home and some talk about going to eat at the Greek House. I woke up in bed the next morning wishing it has been a nightmare. Sure enough I passed out face first in my sonic burger (AJ was not taking me to any restaurant in my condition) and my wife somehow got me on the couch. (Which of course I flooded) I managed to change clothes and crawl into our bed. So… fucked up right?!!! I need to get my ass back and reestablish ASAP!!! NO---- not me I gotta make it worth my while and hurt everyone around me. And I said I wasn’t going to talk about the negative… Shit!

I have to learn how to open up to my sponsor and others and stop pretending everything is ok. I like this perfect shell on the outside while my insides are totally screwed up. I have today and that’s my starting point. I will not drink today!

SIX DEGREES SEPERATION

2009-03-30T12:56:00.006-05:00

Ok, hang on to your seats folks… this is too wild to comprehend or too hard for me to try and explain so you can understand; either way just try to keep up. My old friend Lauren is involved with his cult “Choices” and she is trying to recruit me to be cult leader. (No… Not really!) So Lauren and another old friend from High School (SH Rider High; Best in Texas) Misty are visiting this guy out in Weatherford whom attended a “Choices” seminar. Lauren is headed to Fort Worth after her Weatherford visit to meet me at Cooks Children’s Hospital (Were Dakota is currently residing) so we can catch up since we reconnected on “FB”. (Which is kinda cool) So we meet and visit and Lauren and her two sons head back to Windthorst. Later last night she tells me Ms. Misty knew the red headed Irish girl I had blogged about the day before and actually attended her funeral with her brother whom I am guessing may be in the program. And… get this, one of Laurens sons had the same doctor as Dakota a few years back.

Da-na-na-na-Da-na-na (Twilight music playing in the background)

Quick Dakota update: She is still at Cooks physc unit on the 6th floor. She started (hold on, let me Google this so I get the spelling right) “Ridlin” and is still on Depakote and Prozac. The ritalin is making her a little “herky-jerky”! Well, maybe not a little, how bout’ a butt-load. She seems to be dealing fairly well with the constant movement, up and down, mouth tics, arm jerks, and leg shakes. (If I were taking her meds, I would have stuck needles in my eyes and removed my skin off with a potato peeler. “Jesus Christ” that has to be aggravating. I was totally off my Effexor yesterday (still today); Note to AJ: Please get me scrip refilled ;; and not in the mood to talk to health care professionals. I vented on the PA (Patient Advocate) then let the RN have it too! By the end of the conversation “Nurse Molly” had me convinced that we should keep her on the damn ridlin and see if she levels out. She does this by saying, “Most times when a child is taken off a stimulant medication; it is the mom or the teacher that demands it”. Well… I’m neither the mom nor the teacher, so I shut my mouth and went downstairs to visit with Lauren. I was afraid if I went back upstairs I might get myself locked up in the grownup Looney ward. (Did I mention I am out of Effexor?) Note to self: Get by pharmacy ASAP today and get more happy pills!!!
That I know of, no kid has died taking ridlin (doctor prescribed dosage) so I will let mom or the teacher demand the immediate stoppage of ritalin. I have a feeling that “D’s” teacher will take care of this as soon as she returns to class in the free world.
I need to get back to my .46 cents lunch… yep cup-of-noodles on this fine Monday.

Enjoy life to its fullest and be sure to let the
ones you love know you appreciate them!!! Try something like this: Honey your
right and I agree 100%!
ps. dont freak out when you see Dakota... she has lost like 80lbs. while on this ritalin shit!

Umpa Umpa Umpady Doo

2009-03-29T03:02:00.002-05:00

I apologize for not posting lately. I am still sober and hitting meetings almost every day. Our oldest daughter “Dakota” is in the hospital for med adjustments so we have been tied up with that for the week.

Short update:
My baby “Scout” and I attended the 10 O-clock meeting at Southwest today. Scout loves the 10’s on Saturday because other members bring their kids and she has formed a bond with one girl. I wonder if “Scout” is getting more from the meetings than I am. She has become a little Ala-Tot and asks to go to every meeting I attend. I sat next to my sponsor who shared about a girl who took her own life last weekend. She was a lovely Irish girl with red hair and sparkling green eyes. She had been in and out of AA for over 20 years and I remembered her from when I first sobered up back in the 80’s. Her death is a reminder that Alcoholism is truly a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease. My sponsor had been working with her for about the last month or so trying to help her stay sober. His tears today while sharing were welcomed and I didn’t feel uncomfortable sitting next to a grown man crying. Scout and I rushed home after the 10 and picked up momma to go to the 12 O-clock Ala-Anon meeting at Unity Christian. (Momma’s home group) There was a small attendance today and it was my first Ala-Anon meeting ever. It was cool to get the “Others” perspective and I realized that I too qualify for Ala-Anon, Adult Child of an Alcoholic, and a few more A’s.
It’s 3am and my noggin is spent… I will add to this tomorrow

My English Housewife… Thank you so much! Your thoughts
and prayers
mean the world to me!

"A real nadda Day"

2009-03-16T23:42:00.001-05:00

It was a nothing day and I am learning to accept these as they are more frequent in my sobriety. The rainy days were a little difficult but I had no desire to drink. (Only thoughts) But!!! When the clouds burned off and that beautiful sun came out to warm our souls, wooo-weee//// I’m talking that’s the perfect get you drink on kind of afternoon. If had enough $$$ I would have disappeared for two or three days on a great bender. (Not that I was even close to doing that today) I’m just saying these were the kind of days that really got me rolling into a binge that could last long enough for me to totally jeopardize my employment and possibly come home to an empty house. That is the power alcohol has over me. If I choose to drink, its full speed ahead and the brakes no workeee’! If one sip touched my mouth, I would utterly and completely forget about anything important in my life. The selfishness make me nauseated thinking about it. Thank God for AA and my home group of recovering Alcoholics who are always there for me. When I go to a meeting, it’s like recharging my spiritual and emotional batteries. I have not left a meeting this go round (82 days TYVM) feeling worse than when I got there. In fact I exit a meeting feeling charged and ready to live life sober. My sponsor and momma are bugging me about finishing my 4th step. I did stall a little and I do need to get back on it and finish. The difference I get from them both:
Sponsor: “You been reading?”
Me: “Yep”
Sponsor: “You been writing?”
Me: “Nope”
Sponsor: “You praying about it?”
Me: “Yes sir”
Sponsor: “It’s ok to stall a little, but I want you to pray more and call me if you have any questions. Don’t dwell on what you’re writing; just get it down on paper.”
Me: “I’m ready”

Momma: “Why haven’t you worked on your 4th step lately? Everyone says it’s the hardest step and most go back to drinking when they do it!”
Me: “I’m fine, don’t worry about it!”
Momma: “Are you scared of it?”
Me: “NO!”
Momma: Then why don’t you finish it?”
Me: “Why don’t you just not worry about it?”
Momma: “Blab la blab la blab more blab la!”
Me: “Ok sweetie, night night!”
All in all it was a great drama free day and I didn’t drink and for this I am truly grateful!
Blow a kiss to a bum on under a bridge tomorrow; you’ll make his/her day!

This too shall pass!

2009-03-15T03:07:00.003-05:00

Yes… it has passed! Thank you all who sent words of encouragement and advice! Today was a much better day and I am still clean & sober; 82 days today. Scout likes to remind me that she has 7 years sobriety, and then of course Dakota has to chime in with her 10 yrs without a drink of alcohol. I took the girls to the 10 o-clock meeting at the old home group this morning. They were almost perfect! Scout now introduces herself when tasked if there are any visitors that would like to be acknowledged, “Hi! My name is Scout and I’m an Ala-Tot!” So cut! I just love the fact that my kids are involved in my recovery and that they see me getting better.

Remember when most homes had only 1 TV? It was most likely in the living room or den and all of the family would gather around the tube to watch the evening news and then the good shows would come on, but we only watched the ones dad liked. (Auntie “M” would say, I remember when we didn’t have TV’s; or something like… I remember the day we got our first TV, it was black and white back then ya know?”) Mash, Trapper John MD, All in the Family, White Shadow is just a few of the ones I can remember. I had an advantage on the weekends. Dad would be busy practicing his drinking, even though he had it down at an early age. I park in front of the old boob toob and get lost in shows like Love Boat, Starski & Hutch, Rockford Files, Adam 12, and Gilligan’s Island. Man those were the days. I wish we would have had channels like Natgeo, Discovery, TLC, and the others. I could have bypassed school all together. I learn more stuff watching these channels than I ever did in the class room. Stuff like: the tallest bridge is in France and I could tell you all of the interesting things about the construction of this massive mega structure. How they used a 4000 year old technique to construct the pillars. Yep… I know that I could have read an encyclopedia every now and then back when I was a youngen’, but Iwas too busy playing outside. (For the kids of today, outside is when you walk out your door in the morning and don’t come back until lunch to refuel and then it’s back out the door until the street lights come on) Hell… we even played outside when it was raining. If we had snow… shit man it was on! I would come home with frost bite on my toes and fingers, but I had a blast with my pals all damn day!

I have a lot to be grateful for today.
a. My sweet wife has a sponsor in Ala-anon now and attended her first meeting today! (Yea AJ!)
b. My kids seem to be recovering from all the shit I put them through during my dark days.
3. My angina has all but left; making me feel much better every day. (Who would have thought drinking would make you hurt so bad)
IV. I am closer to my extended family now that I am not isolating in my world of booze.
E. I have a wonderful blog following and enjoy the therapy blogging gives me.
Six. GOD is in my life today and if I stay out of his way, life is good no matter whether I am the bug or the windshield. (Thank you Syd for that tid bit of awesomeness) I have used it a hundred times since Friday and everyone nods their head when I say it; like they totally understand.

I would like to recommend a blog for you all to follow:
http://shaunaglenn.blogspot.com/

Shauna is an amazing writer and could easily have a job writing for David Letterman or SNL. Reading her blog brightens my days and makes me spew milk out of my nose. She has a book out and if you like her blog, I suggest you go buy her book and keep it out on your coffee table for all who come to visit you can see.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood! @!#* Mr. Rogers!

2009-03-13T09:03:00.003-05:00

I knew this day would come, but I figured it would be after 9 months or so. The walls come crashing down and I am pushed to use tools of Alcoholic Anonymous! One of which I used this morning on the way to work. I could have called my sponsor David but I know he would just say, “Will, did you pray about it?” and sometimes I just don’t want to hear that shit! So I call Eddy and, well Ed tells me just what I wanted to hear.
Let me back up and start from the beginning… I dare not give specific details for fear that “Momma” be locked up in the Nut Ward, CPS takes my kids away, I lose my job, and wind up sitting in my repossessed house with a case of hot beer drinking myself to death. There’s some bad juju in the Woody home right now and on top of all that shit… I have Mr. Fucking Big Hands at work being a total dickhead bastard SOB!!!
I can’t do anything rite right now and I am just starting to put pen to paper on my 4th Step. My life is falling apart and I seem to have no power to get it together. I’m driving to work this morning thinking what a mess this shit is and how the fuck did it get this way! Then I see a mom walking her kids two kids to school in the cold rain with one tiny little umbrella shielding the smallest child while the other kid and mom are getting pelted and soaked. My life looks a little better now… right?!? Then some asswipe pulls right out in front of me and I have to swerve into oncoming traffic to keep from tee-boning them. Shit!!!
I get on the freeway and call Eddy. I tell Eddy what an ass Mr. Big Hands is and how he is occupying space in my mind and robbing me of any serenity that might be left upstairs. Eddy tells me he worked with an ass like that and eventually he had to tell the mofo’s what he thought of him, but he advises I not lose my job over it! I call another recovering alcoholic and he talks me down off the booze ladder. Fuck what a day! I was supposed to be playing golf this morning and I wake up to total insanity and stinky thinking!
Some days I just want to say FUCK IT!

Just don't drink William!

Freaky Friday Update

2009-03-10T18:41:00.011-05:00

I’m here…

I’m back!

Still sober and full of caca, right?!

Let’s see, since I last blogged, I have played bookOOS of online poker, gone to like 30 meetings, joined a new Church, attended birthday night at Legacy (Awesome chili cook off), and made it through a very, very, very large family get together.

I have made a commitment to cut back the online poker and give my family the attention they deserve. It is hard, but if I can stop drinking & druggn’ I can lay off the poker. My dream is not dead just on hold. Someday you will see me at the final table on World Poker Series! Fo’ sure!
My daughters have been going to meetings with me and so far they have behaved like little angels. Scout is well like and I am proud to have her there with me. The alternative is scary and I pray this early exposure to AA gives my girls a chance to break the cycle of Alcoholism without going through the crap that I and many of my relatives have.

The meetings lately have been on Step 3 and turn it over to God. It is much easier for me to do this in the spring time because almost every meeting is about this topic. Come August or September I will need to be reminded that I am not in charge and when I try to manage my own life, it gets screwed up beyond recognition. I attended Legacy’s birthday celebration the other night and the chili was ass burning good! It is neat to see people there that were just coming in back in 86’ who have maintained continuous sobriety since. The growth is almost always noticeable. There are those who have stayed sober and spiritually retarded, but hey… that’s one just less drunk drivers on the road.

The girls and I have decided to join Unity Christian Church of Fort Worth on Trail Lake. I know… I know… yes that is the Church that had the awful shootings a few years back, but that was just one crazy dude. I like the message and the people fit my hitch. The girls really like the youth ministry so we are all excited. If only we could convince “Momma” to believe in God!!! The first Sunday we attended was rock n roll Sunday and the music was so cool.

At last we reach the pinnacle of this great blog… The Woody, Bailey, Stitt, Reich’s all gathered last Sunday to celebrate many wonderful blessings. The birth of Connor Reich, my baby sister Marybeth’s 23rd birthday, my other sister Stephanie’s visit from Chicago, and of course my sobriety!!! Ok, they weren’t there to celebrate my sobriety but I’m sure they all enjoyed my soberness rather than my drunken’ personality that has showed up the last 4 years or so. Ever since I can remember, family gatherings have required a pre=primmer (six pack) and then a get set go-primmer (another six pack) and then plenty of replenishment during the visits (couple doobies and more brew-skies) I am sure some day I will source this deep trigger embedded inside my wickedness. For now I’m just glad I made it through the get together sober.

Side note: A young man asked me to sponsor him at Southwest and I told him
I would ask my sponsor if it was ok. My sponsor said I need a little program
before I gave a program, so I called the kid today and declined. I am writing my
4th step this week and look forward to the 5th… NO MORE 3 STEP PROGRAM FOR THIS
DRUNK!

2009-03-06T17:25:00.000-06:00

It’s Friday and I am pumped. My weekends use to be all about the party. I would crave Friday afternoons when I could rush out of the office and stop for beer. I would get euphoric with the anticipation of that first taste. It was the high before the high. If we were “broke ass broke” (A Woody term used in house frequently) my mind would be thinking how I could score some brew. An alcoholic can be very resourceful when searching for their fix. Pawn shops, spur of the moment yard sales, loans from tote the note places. The list is endless. I knew on any given Friday I could get smashed and I didn’t have to get up early for work. I often if not almost always repeated these binges on the Saturday after. My weekend mornings would consist of chugging a beer and or poken some smot. I have lost the desire and cravings for all alcohol but the pot seems to cross my mind frequently. Morning blazes were the best. I wake up early before the family and sneak out to the yard to blaze away. After just a few puffs, the yard seemed greener, the house looked better, and the birds seemed to be singing just for me. I would lose myself in the back yard for an hour or so until the girls woke up and demanded I fix them some Daddy breakfast.

“IM HUNGRY!” “FEED ME SOMETHING!”

Who knew children would be so needy. I never spoke to my parents before noon on the weekends. I would tip toe into the living room, turn on the boob tube and fix myself a bowl of Coco Puffs. If I dared even get close to their bedroom door, my day would be hell! Yes… I was an awesome enabler child of alcoholic parents. Mine… well they could give a shit if I drank myself into a bed pissing black out the night before. They want breakfast and they want it NOW! And forget about offering cereal. Its pancakes, eggs, bacon, and maybe even some potatoes dish. I spoiled them early on in their young lives and I can only blame mono-e-mono. I could cook some kick ass pancakes when stoned, but they rarely ate them. (Something about the things I added to the pancake mix that pissed them off) They are plain Jain pancake girls and if you try to fix them a blueberry, chocolate chip, banana, strawberry version that sounded really awesome stoned off my ass… FORGET ABOUT IT! Yes my before weekends were filled with drunkenness stoned binges and that was comfortable for me.

I so look forward to my weekends now in such a different mindset. There was a time in my dry sobriety that I dreaded weekends. No booze, no smot, and if it wasn’t football season I felt like it was filled with boredom. Now, I have special father daughter AA meetings, fun time with the kids, a new Church to go to, and a fellowship of great friends to hang out with. I think there is one thing missing… Coming up with a date night that both momma and I can agree on. Somewhere between an AA Speaker meeting and a Bar. Any ideas for our special date night? Please leave your comments…

70 Days Sober (That's SEVEN-ZERO)

2009-03-02T20:35:00.003-06:00

Some days that song seems to stick in my head but I like to change the words a little, my wife whom informed me that she does not like the pet name “Ms. Ala-Anon”; (so now she will be referred to as just “AJ”) will testify that I usually do not know the words to any song I sing, therefore I change the words because I am an idiot. Anyway… the song (I think) goes like this: So you had a bad day! But I choose to sing “SO YOU HAD A GREAT DAY!” Today was not great and it was not bad, it just was. My sponsor told me that is not a bad thing to have an ok day; in fact he says that is good for us. Seventy days sober and I feel great. My chest hardly hurts anymore, I feel good, my mind is working better, and I have tons to be grateful for.

We are watching the Bachelor tonight and I was thinking that the show would be much more interesting if they had a polygimist dude on there. They could triple the amount of girls that start out in the beginning because the bachelor would be picking the top 5 or 6 girls. ABC could pick much younger girls for the show; say 13 to 16 yr olds instead of the older bar hags they pick now. In my experiences the younger ones have much better cat fights than the 20 to 33 yr olds. I think it’s because they have more stamina to keep the drama flowing. And I ask my self this question all the time: "How can the other girls stand by when the bachelor dude is in the other room making out with a different chick every day?" That shit just doesn’t work in the real world. (Not the MTV real world show, I mean the real life type world)

I tried to get “AJ” to get us another wife or two, but she didn’t appreciate the advantages of a polygimist lifestyle. We use to watch “Big Love” on HBO and I tell you man, he had it going on. I asked my wife wouldn’t it be great to have an extra wife around to help out? I mean she would always be wife #1 and she could delegate some of her daily activities to wife #2 and 3. She said… "Ummm NO!" So I DROPPED IT. I bet if ABC decided to put a polygimist on the Bachelor, we would see that shit popping up all over the place; not just in Utah or Texas. It would be the "IN" thing for sure! Right?
I know… I’m a sick man in a normal looking body, but hey it is progress before perfection. Some days that’s just how my sick mind works.

Restless Irritable and Discontent

2009-02-27T04:01:00.005-06:00

As I write this it is 3am Friday morning and I am truly restless irritable and discontent! I spoke with my sponsor about it yesterday and received some reprieve, however I went by Dougie & Judo’s house after work and we all went to a meeting at Legacy group (not my home group) and I was sent back into my bitchy irritable self due to the fact the chair person was an idiot. I had my days mixed up and thought Legacy’s new comer meeting was on Thursday; but it’s on Friday, so a step meeting was Thursday and it was a real crappie meeting. I came to this conclusion only after Dougie & Judo agreed on the ride back to their house. Being a seasoned veteran of Alcoholism, it know deep down that it wasn’t really a bad meeting, it was just not where we three needed to be at the time. So a lot is going on in the Woody house right now and I hesitate to write about most of it… but this is a part of my recovery so here goes:

1. Momma (my ala-anon wife of 10 years) is freaking out thinking she has cancer and is one big ol’ stress ball dealing with “D’s” daily “DEFCON FIVES”! God bless her for having the patience to deal with our “D” on a daily basis. I know if I were in her shoes daily… well let’s not go there. Our family Doctor had a patient that had night sweets, just a side symptom Ms. Ala-Non told our Doctor because she really was there at the Doctors office because she has been having heart attack like symptoms. Anyway our Doc tells her she wants to do a CT scan just to check because she recently had a patient that had night sweats and whose blood work showed normal but turns out that patient has kidney cancer. I’ve been sleeping with Ms. Ala-Anon for ten years in the same bed, (most nights; there have been some where we couldn’t stand the sight of each other and one of us chose to sleep on the couch) But what healthy marriage doesn’t have some of those? Anyway… she was been sweating up our bed for a long long time. I don’t mean a little sweat… I mean river flowing, cloud drenching sweats that make me think she is pulling a “William” (when I use to piss the bed drunk ass drunk). So I’m no Doctor but I think it’s safe to say that if she had had cancer all these years, we would have found it by now or worse. My main concern is that she gets out to Dr. Winslow’s office ASAP and gets the purple juice for her heart symptoms.

2. “D” has a med change this week. This alone could put any normal parents into the nut ward at Peter Smith. We are taking her off Resperdal and going to Geodone. For those that are unaware of these types of meds, let’s just say these little pills could put an elephant down for days. But the fact that our little “D” takes them daily and functions goes to the fact that she is bi-polar. I say bi-polar because I know she is more bi-polar than autistic. (calm down lady ala-anon and let me explain) There has always been some great debate over “D’s” official diagnosis. For me, I don’t really care what the diagnosis is as long as she is receiving the best care and has the best quality life we can give her. Momma on the other hand has fought diligently on her behalf to insure that she get the proper diagnosis to better her chances of receiving accurate care. At some point the Shrinks (and there have been lots of them quacky bustards’) decided to stop fighting my wife and put Aspergers on her physic iatric rap sheet. (Don’t get me wrong here, I know she has a form of autism, no doubt in my sick head she doesn’t) I just don’t think it matters because the :

Extremely high or irritable mood
Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
Racing thoughts or talking very fast
Being easily distracted
Feeling little need for sleep

Are what we have daily. These are all symptoms of severe bipolar disorder. Something the Woody family is all too aware of with Papa Biff. This is one nasty disease folks and should always be treated with respect and proper medication. (A great Shrink is highly recommended) So this Geodone is a real bugger bear med hence the stress in Momma. (My wife is always Momma, so don’t get confused) If I ever need to reference my actual mother, I will refer to her as “Mom 1”, or Mother or some other term of endearment) I call Ms. Al-Anon “Momma” because she is all of ours Mom here at 2400 Benbrook.

3. Now we get to the reason I am awake at 3:30am instead of dreaming about Jenifer Aniston taking my clothes off. My “fucking” (skip over the F-Bomb MOM#2) arm is itching it’s “fucking” self off so bad that I am ready to cut it off and go through life a one armed man! I had this problem back when I ran my Landscape business and then it returned about 5 yrs. ago while I was working at Flotec over in Irving. My former Doc. Dearden termed this awful itch ass itch as a byproduct of stress (who isn’t stressed among the Fort Worthians driving to Dallas 5 days a week to grab a pay check that barley covers your gas back and forth) Just kidding, I made good money at Flotec. So Doc. Dearden writes a script for some shit that’s non-addicting (he knew me well) that seemed to make it go away but wouldn’t get you high for shit. Notice how I didn’t start cussing until I started writing about myself? Hmmm? So now this bad ass itch is back and driving me mad! What? At is that you are saying? GO TO THE DOCTOR DUMBASS! Yes… I will, but she taint there at 3:30 frickn AM.

4. No doubt I have the tools to deal with all of this. Call my sponsor or another alcoholic, go to a meeting or 3 meetings a day, (whatever it takes), turn it over to GOD! NOT DRINK! But my lil’ Ala-anon has no concept of God so she is stuck with all this crap in her head all day long… adding to her already stressed out state of mind and constantly adding to her irritableness that only bounces off the rest of the Woody’s at 2400 Benbrook,
God, please help my wife find you. Please be with Dakota during her med change. Please watch over us Woody’s at 2400 and all other addresses, and please take this itch away… no don’t worry about the itch God. I’ll go to the Doctor real soon. I promise!
(I really don’t want to be a one armed man)
I am going back to bed to itch my arm.

ps. I have one wonderful aunt whom will call this a "great rant". And corrcect a few speeing errors.

Friday's Rule

2009-02-20T16:28:00.000-06:00

Day 60
I get my 60 day chip today!!! Yea me! I think a nice dinner at a stand up at the counter and order place is in order. I’m hitting the 6 at Southwest then off to a Juice Plus presentation. I will have to squeeze dinner in there sometime… It’s a great day to be sober!

Upside Down Inside Out

2009-02-19T17:10:00.003-06:00

In and Out

A member came back in yesterday, must be something in the air, because we saw 3 new people come in this week as well. One guy picked up his desire chip on Monday (New comers meeting) along with a couple of ladies. He left it on his chair after the meeting was over. He may not be ready just yet. I pray he makes it back.

Our meeting yesterday was mostly about “Step One” and the chairperson read from as Bill See’s it.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives
had become unmanageable.

It was a good meeting and when it came time for the girl that had just come back in she shared that it was real hard for her right now to just “not drink”. She said she was struggling with the fact that she did not think our disease would kill her. I was over excited to share when it became my turn to share. (It was a meeting were everyone had a chance to speak and I was last; my favorite time to speak) I like sharing last because if I don’t have much to say, I can spout out my wisdom real quick like, “Let go and let God!”, or “keep coming back, it works if you work it!” and everyone is like: YES! Let’s close! Or… If I have something I really want to talk about, I can hold the whole group hostage by running the meeting over 10 -15. I enjoy watching them squirm uncomfortably in their seats. I sick that way but I strive to improve daily. I shared how our councler in the Carte Unit back in 1986 had told us (a group of about 30) that ten of us would die from the disease within five years; that another ten of us would wind up in jail or prison; and that the rest of us would relaspse within 3 months time of leaving the treatment center. I thought he was full of shit then and since I have not kept up with any of my graduating class from the Magnolia Hilton (Care Unit alcohol & drug treatment center on Magnolia street) all these years I have no data to prove him wrong. I do think maybe this one guy may have died, but that’s only because he drove like Evil Knievil!!! I hung out with this dude for a short time after getting out of the treatment place and he drove a little Toyota MR2. It was a cool enough car, but he went way to fast zippin’ and zingin’ in and out of traffic like a “F-Bom!” (Is that better mom?) mad man! Hey… I’ve enjoyed fast cars myself, but this guy drove fricken’ crazy!!! So… back to my words of infinite wisdom at the end of yesterday’s meeting. I talked about how I didn’t know if the disease of alcoholism would kill her but that I prayed it wouldn’t. I spoke about my Granny and how she use to put down the Coors like water. Seriously… My Granny weighed a whopping 90 lbs. wet and she could out drink Stone Cold Steve Austin any day any night any place! I would watch her watch Texas Rangers baseball (not her favorite team, she loved the St. Louis Cardinals) and she would drink and drink and drink and drink and not once did I ever see her puke or pass out. Now I had heard some stories from my dad’s childhood that I never could believe my Granny was capable of, but she finally sobered up the last year of her life. I couldn’t believe she stopped drinking at the time but other relatives confirmed this madness at the time. God gave her peace and serenity with a sober mind her last days here, and I truly believe in my heart that that was a miracle from GOD! My Granny was the best Granny in the Universe and I miss her dearly! The disease did get her with a type of liver cancer but she died sober and that is awesome! http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_2_1X_What_is_liver_cancer_25.asp

I sure drank enough to destroy my liver and I don’t know why it has kept working all these years. I have that bad boy checked each year and the tests are always normal function. "TYG!" I am blessed to have my health and to have made in back to Alcoholics Anonymous this time. When I first sobered up I would string six continuous months of sobriety here, relapse, nine months there, relapse. I had six years during my first’s marriage, and almost seven years after my first daughter was born, but that time was without the fellowship of AA. This last relapse which lasted 3 years almost killed me. I didn’t think I was going to make it back. Just last July I reestablished at Southwest Group and I was sitting against the wall on a hot ass day and the A/C was blowing warm air on me and the people were smiling and talking about happy things just to piss me off; so I thought. I raced out of the meeting and straight to the beer store and slammed a 12pk in 10 minutes. So, when I came back in December 22, 2008 I didn’t know what to expect. GOD put me there at just the right moment and things started clicking for me. I got a sponsor who had what I so desperately wanted. I started working the steps. I shared in meeting even when I didn’t want to. And I ask GOD to keep me sober one day at a time; then thank him at bed time. I’m done with in and out! I don’t want to sound cocky, but I am here to stay this time. I will die if I go back out one more time! THANK YOU GOD!

fIEND not fien, got it Misses English
Major!!!

Licking Lime Juice off Barbra Bushes Belly Button

2009-02-18T17:25:00.003-06:00

Day 58

Man it seems like 5 years since my last drink. I feel great, I look fat, and I gave up online poker last night. (WHAT?) Yes you heard me right… I deleted the Texas Holdem apps from my phone and have asked God to keep me from playing poker for today! I actually feel less stress today and I think that is from not gambling like a dope Fein. (For some reason spell check wanted to capitalize Fein, and since it is smarter than me and can spell every word known to mankind in any language, I let it do its thing) The craving for alcohol has totally left me. I did cheat a little by taking Campral for the 1st 40 days, but I haven’t taken it in 18 days and no cravings! I give thanks to GOD, my sponsor David A., the steps, and my home groups for helping me stay sober for the last 58 days. I think a celebration is in order… Cold beer hello! (Not really, sit back down and hang the phone up honey!)

I would not take a drink today if Angelina Jolie walked up to me and offered to spit tequila shots into my mouth and let me lick lime juice off her naval. Now if Barbra Bush did this, it would be on like Donkey Kong. (I can hear you all shrieking and yelling "gross Woody") But think about it, this year we elected the first African American to the most important job in our country so what other news could top that? Maybe ABC runs a bit on how Will Woody Jr licked lime juice off old Barbs belly button! Yeah baby, that’s news worthy.

I went down Joshua Texas today to look at our new shop. Man, it is coming along nicely and we should move in at the end of March. The realtor we used has offered special incentives for Wedge employees to relocate down there and I am tempted to make a push for moving with momma. My wife did some traveling in her college days due to the schools running her off and all. (Not really, she is smart and never partied a day in her life) But her feet have been planted 3' deep in the Fort Worth soil for the last 10 years. I think if she saw the houses down there, she may be tempted too! We out grew our humble 960 sq foot cottage about one month after we purchased it in 2000. It would be nice to stretch out and give the girls their own rooms. That way we could lock them in separate closets when the misbehave.

I’m rambling now… which goes to show you all how happy I am to be alive
and sober today!

I started reading on my fourth step last night and expect to be writing this weekend in between the Juice Plus thing ma-jig, painting our home AA group (Southwest), laying on the couch doing nothing, and more doing nothing-ness.

Reach over and pinch the person to your rights booty and tell them you like
their bum!

Anger Management 101

2009-02-17T11:54:00.005-06:00

I had a voice mail on my office line yesterday that made me happy and sad at the same time. “What a conundrum”, right? My “D” had left me a voice message: “Daddy, I need your help with my anger issues.” WOW!!! Now if you know my girl “Dakota”, you know she has matured quite a bit in the last 2-3 years both physically and mentally. But o-man… to hear her voice sound so grown up, so fluent, and her sentence so straight to the point. (~ fragmented sentence I know, but I’m not going to change it!) My heart almost broke into a million tiny pieces!!!

We have “D” on a “Chealation” (key-lay-tion) treatment, thanks to a wonderful GiGi & Papa Gus; to help “D’s” autism. Now- I am a believer in this treatment and if you are not, just shut up and listen. I’m not trying to sell you anything; I only mention it because I believe there is relevance to this blog on anger management for autistic children. “D” has been receiving Chealation for almost a year now and I do see some improvement. It is all relative to your expectations. If you go into this treatment thinking it will cure your child’s autism, well… you may have a negative outcome. If you just want some improvement in the quality of your child’s life… BAM! Go for it now: (I suggest one of these Doctors)

Gerald Harris, DO, BPCT

1550 W. Rosedale St., #714

Fort Worth, TX 76104Phone:

(817) 336-4810Fax:

Coppell Redox Clinic

David E. Winslow, D.O.

270 N. Denton Tap

Coppell, Texas 75019

Phone: 972-393-4686

E-mail: edtadoco2@yahoo.com

Dr. Braun, Patricia A, MD
20375 Co Rd 4130Lindale, TX 75771
(903) 881-1929

Dr. Braun is a way cool lady and she can talk your head off in her office, but
she can also mix up a batch of IV meds to heal you of whatever ails you. She is
a wonderful Doctor (retired mind you) who has taken an interest in treating
“Dakota”. We are blessed that she sends the recipes to Dr. Harris in Fort Worth
(office right down the street from our house) and they administer the treatment
locally.

Ok… back to the anger thing…
So “D” leaves this awesome message for me and I have to dry my tears before I call her back. (Sniffle) When I call her back she has already resolved her “anger issue” (her words) and agrees to small lessons in anger management. I can teach this having received my certificate in 1998, (court ordered, but well received). The best thing to ever come out of my first marriage/divorce besides my son “Dalton”. (~another fragmented sentence…deal with it!)
I see so much growth and improvement in “D” since she began the treatments. Don’t get me wrong… she is not cured of Aspergers in any way, shape, or form; but she is different. I think for my "D" to even ask for help with her anger is progress. Now... mom is at home with her and spends way more time with her in cars and in general. You would definitely get a different opinion on this from her, but this is my blog and I am sure I will get some remark like: "Are you fucking high?" or “Oh-William, you are in such denial!" "LMFAO"

So lesson one was this morning before I left for work:

1. Deep breaths. One of the most important tools you can use when you get angry. Stop whatever you are doing and take several deep breaths. Breath like when you were a baby; fill your stomach and exhale slowly. Too many adults breath into their chest and not their stomach. This helps defuse the blood that has rushed to your head and calms you down.
Lesson 2 to follow…

The Curious Case of Will Woody Jr

2009-02-15T19:44:00.002-06:00

I was wondering the other day what it would be like if I were to have been born like Benjamin Button. For those readers who are not film literate, it is a movie in which Brad Pitts character Benjamin Button is born the normal baby size but he looks like 200 years old. Then he get’s younger instead of growing old. Anyway I haven’t seen the movie yet but the previews seem to explain the plot that way. So if I were born Benjamin Button style I would be old and sober…right? “God willing!”
Not much changes from my normal “baby birth” except I get drunk for the first time at 102 instead of 7 years old. And then I keep getting younger and younger so I go back to work after retiring…total bummer! But I’m sober “God willing” so life isn’t that bad. So I work for a while (like 60 fucking years; seems like!) and during this time I start binge drinking 12pcks right after work and I fall down a lot but because I’m old maybe people write it off as “Oh… how sad, he is old and falls down all the time.” “Poor old man!”

(Ok… insert thought here) If I know now what I knew then would I even become an alcoholic? Ya see I am old and wise and should know better... right?!? Nah… I still become a drunk, only at a different age, which I am pretty sure is at birth; for either normal or Button style; but that’s a whole other topic and gets a little deep.

Where were we? Hah… yes I am old and drunk and then I find God and start my new journey of living sober. About this time I stop working and go back to school. (Rock On!) Only this time I’m clean and sober and I apply myself to succeed new heights. I graduate college only to return to High School. I am not popular and I am smart as shit because I just came from college. All the kids hate me cause I know it all…

I relapse after 40 years of sobriety and party my ass off way into grade school; middle school is only a bleep in my memory. I am now in kindergarten eating boogers and pissn’ my pants daily. I’m sober because it’s not cool for little tykes to drink... right?!? I make my teacher mad daily because I could teach her class way better than she does.

Now I am home with mom all day and I can’t speak… but my brain has a lifetime of information and experiences all locked up, so I point and scream gaa goo all damn day for my mom to change my diaper or feed me the teat. (The teat thing isn’t so bad, only it grosses me out cause’ it’s my moms) Poof… I’m back in the womb and I die! Well… technically I don’t die, I just cease to exists!!!

A true story from the JPD

2009-02-06T13:09:00.003-06:00

My Aunie "M" sent this to me today and I just had to share it with you all...

A True Story from the Jacksonville , Florida Police Department ...

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no..... he only lives a mile away.

About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over for weaving, and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the man to stay put, they will be right back, and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.

The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Joe is there, and his wife says yes. They ask to see him, and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.

The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car, and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

True story: Told by the driver at his first AA meeting.

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The Physical - The Mental - The Spiritual

2009-02-06T11:40:00.003-06:00

The Physical

For addicts and alcoholics the physical dimension is best described by the allergy-like bodily reaction resulting in the compulsion to continue using substances after the initial use.
There have been times when my body has shaken like 7.8 earthquake. I have experienced violent tremors, nausea, vomiting, delusional hallucinations, body aches, mind bending headaches, and the inability to refrain from taking that first drink due to these conditions. It is hard to hide these symptoms from loved ones or the lady running the register at the liquor store. My wife once found me sitting in my living room floor with a case of hot beer after a 3 day MIA binge that depleted my body of all natural components and left me breathing very flammable toxic fumes from the alcohol I had consumed. We were still dating at the time and it must have scared her to find me sitting there guzzling hot ass beer. (Not enough to make her run in the other direction screaming forget this fool; he’s fucked up) I had not called work in 3 days; I had not called my wife (girlfriend at the time) in 3 days, or anyone else. I just had to keep drinking to keep my body from shaking apart into a million pieces. I could even get off the floor to walk to the fridge for beers.

Today there is a 3rd generation medication of antabuse called Campral http://www.campral.com/home.aspx that helps reduce the physical distress and emotional discomfort (e.g. sweating, anxiety, sleep disturbances) associated with staying alcohol-free. This, in combination with counseling and support groups, makes it easier for people not to drink. My wife convinced me it would be good for me to ask my doctor to put me on this medicine about 6 months ago. Doh! She was right but at the time I didn’t want to stop drinking and I was afraid it might cure me from my alcoholism and there I would be wanting a drink and not drinking! Crazy thinking I know, but that’s how my brain is wired. I continue to take Campral today and I believe it has helped me tremendously to keep a clear head, reduce the “DT’s”, and rebuild some brain cells I fried with “Mother’s Milk”. I have spoken with some other recovering alcoholics at my home group who took this and agreed it was a helpful tool along with AA.

The Mental

The mental obsession is described as the cognitive processes that cause the individual to repeat the compulsive behavior after some period of abstinence, either knowing that the result will be an inability to stop or operating under the delusion that the result will be different.

Again... here I believe that the Campral is helping somewhat with the mental obsession. It takes me time to reprogram my brain to bypass that beer store and keep the vehicle headed in the direction of a meeting. Once I arrive at the meeting, it’s “Gold-Baby-Gold!” I feel so at home in a meeting. I feel like I’m safe. My metal obsession got the best of me in 2008. I would get drunk ass drunk, wake up and fight myself all day trying to convince myself to stay sober that day only to have the overwhelming obsession steer my car straight into the damn beer store!!! My chest would hurt so damn bad and I still could not, “not drink.” I had to repeat the insanity every day. I have to pray daily, attend as many meetings as possible, talk to other alcoholics, work my steps, and try to give something back every day to keep sober. If I do these simple things every day, the mental obsession gets a little better until hopefully eventually that obsession is gone completely.

The Spiritual

The illness of the spiritual dimension, or "spiritual malady," is considered in all twelve-step groups to be self-centeredness. This model is not intended to be a scientific explanation, it is only a perspective that twelve-step organizations have found useful. The process of working the steps is intended to replace self-centeredness with a growing moral consciousness and willingness for self-sacrifice and unselfish constructive action. In twelve-step groups, this is known as a spiritual awakening or religious experience. This should not be confused with abreaction, which produces dramatic, but ephemeral, changes. In twelve-step groups, "spiritual awakening" is believed to develop, most frequently, slowly over a period of time. (Links for the word challenged like me)

Undoubtedly the spiritual part of the program is the hardest of the 3 for me to swallow. I had to be beaten down to the depths of hell to get my butt back to AA. I am a self-centered, self-righteous, selfish bastard. ME-ME-ME! In my recovery I must let go and let GOD run the show. I can take the reins at any time and try to be boss. The day I wrecked my car I called my son to ask him for the car back that I gave him when he got his license. I didn’t want to but I need it to get to work because the wife really loves driving my ass back and forth-“NOT!” My boy has a real nice Acura that his Uncle Ikey gave him before he turned 16 but when his momma totaled her car she confiscated his car and now that she has spent the insurance money on other things besides replacing her car; he can’t talk her out of giving his car back to him. (Even though she supposedly has received a very large payment from her lawsuit against the tow company that rear-ended her) I am attempting to be very cordial here because my son got onto me for bad mouthing his momma (My ex). I have always tried very hard to never talk negatively about her to him and he was upset that I called her,”Ex-Monster” in a previous blog. So… back to my spiritual growth… He first tells me his mom had agreed to give him his car so he can get around town. Then he tells me she is hanging on to the last thread of control she thinks she has over him. My son told her he didn’t want to live with her right before he turned 18. (Something I prayed for back when he was 7 years old until the day he actually told her) This blew her mind and even though he didn’t move into my house I am proud of, “my boy” for standing up to her and refusing to play her mind games. I was sitting in my home group waiting for a 6 O-clock meeting to start when “Dalton” called me to tell me what his mother had said. (She will only drive him around where he needs to go instead of giving him "HIS DAMN CAR" back)-(My blood temperature rises and the pressure is soaring) but I listen to his complaints and restrain from too many negative syntactic expletives directed at her. Now back in my dinking days I would be on the phone with her faster than a jack-rabbit reproducing. I would totally get wrapped up in the drama of the situation and fight the evil….woops (insert nice word here) his momma; which would solve nadda. In recovery I sat there and thought about the situation for about 2 seconds. After the meeting I called my sponsor and bragged about my spiritual progress. He said, “Will… he can help you with this if you just ask him.” And Blam-EEE! I realize I didn’t do crap, GOD was already working it out for me and all I need do Is ask for him to resolve the situation with his will, not mine. I turned it over to him and let him figure it out and save myself from myself. Ha! Pretty awesome feeling!

All I had to do was listen to my wife bitch 2 days all the way to work and back! Something I am good at, thank you very much! She jumped out of bed this morning onto her menstrual cycle and ran right over my ass! Her menstrual cycle even has a distinct sound, it’s like this: naaaaaaaaaaggg-naaaaaaaaaggg---naaaaaaaaggggg, naaagg-naaagggg---bitchhhhhhhhhhhhhh-bitchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-bitchhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (How many of you are sounding that out like a motor cyle right now?)
Honey, it’s just a joke I heard today, so don’t take it literally. I love you babe! And you know that! Marriage is like a Slurpee from 7-11, you get one and you start drinking it and you like it and so you keep drinking it and then it hits your brain and- AHHHHHHHHHHH! No babe… not our marriage, all the others, again just joking. Lov ya!

Learning to drive sober...

2009-02-04T12:46:00.003-06:00

I have driven drunk a few times since the State of Texas decided to bless me with my driver’s license. However I never had the pleasure of receiving the coveted DWI or DUI. (Not that I didn’t deserve several) Most drunk driving adventures were in my youthful quest to out drink my father. I once took his brand new Toyota Camry up to Childress to visit my BFF Danny. My trip began about 1:00 am and I had already polished off a few bottles of “Tickle Pink”! (That shit taste like Juicy Juice going down but hell coming back up) I took my drinking buddy Charles who was a couple years younger than I with me on this long journey. Charles always had plenty of weed, so he was good to keep around. I drove like a mad man all the way up to Childress drunk as hell. I know a lot of alcoholics that seem to be bitten by the DWI bug. They get one after another and still drive drunk. I must have had an Angel looking over me all the times I drove drunk. Charles and I chugged a few more bottle of “Tinkle Pink” and when we got there, ”Danny-Boy” was a cook at an all night diner. He cooked us up some grub; we visited for about 15 minutes, smoked a doobie and hit the road back to WF. The last time I drove drunk “Snuffy” and I went to Old South Pancake House early one morning after watching the UFC fight on TV. I had tried to slow my drinking that night but the fights were awesome and, well… the beer just tasted so damn good. Momma had already gone to bed and was snoring like a freight train. (As she does most nights; with Scooter and her both going at it, it’s a wonder I get any sleep at all) Of course momma would tell a different story about how I make this popping sound when I’m sleeping and that she has never snored. LOL! Anyway… “Snuffy” and I had finished our German pancakes (Snuffy fell in love with those bad boys and if you have never had one, you need to because they ROCK!) and all I have to do is point the car in one direction up University about 2 miles and turn left to cut to my house. I must have thought momma’s Honda CRV was a Mustang GT because I was going 60 in a 35 up University. I passed one of those invisible Police cars (the ones you never see until the flashing lights blind you from behind) and the cop just followed me about 6 blocks just past TCU. I had stopped at the red light of University and Berry St and I still didn’t see that invisible fucker right behind me. The light pops green, I hit the gas, and the cop hits his lights. SHITS “Snuffy” hide my beer! HIDE your beer too damnit! I make my left to cut to the house and stop. The cop comes up to my window and asks what the hell my hurry was? I respond as sober sounding as I can. “Just rushing home before momma wakes up and notices I’m gone", "OFF-isss-errr.” I explain our meal to him in great detail and he slickers back to his patrol car. I couldn’t find the damn insurance card and mommas inspection was 2 months past due. I’m thinking…shit DWI and 40 tickets!!! “Snuffy” has like 3 or 4 DWI’s and I’m thinking his damn bug is coming after me big time! (Is that kind of bug even contagious?) The copper returns to my window and I am totally thinking I am pulling the sober bit off. He writes me a ticket for 65 in a 35 and tells me to slow down and get home before he wakes momma up himself! "Holy crap-o-la!" I get home and swear to GOD I will never drive drunk again. (GOD just accepts me and my lies and keeps on loving and protecting me from myself.)

So since I have sobered up this “LAST TIME” I have managed to rear end a lady on I30 and today I kissed a curb on the way to work. I drove much better drunk… Well maybe not better but I didn’t bounce my vehicle off other cars and curbs. My cell phone dropped this morning and when I leaned down to retrieve it- "BAMM!!!" I am air born and all I hear when I touch down is the front metal wheel scrapping the pavement. My car comes to an evil scratching scrapping halt! "Crap!!! O!!! LA!!!" I’m broke ass broke! I don’t have triple AAA anymore, and I’m going to be late 2 days in row! FUCK SHIT! I remember to breathe, say a little prayer and then I call my boss. (I am no longer called Mr. Heart Attack, my new nick name at work is “CRASH”) My boss agrees to send “Mr. Big Hands” to pick me up and I start calling parents on the do not call and ask for help list.

Dad….voice mail.

Mom #2 (I am suppose to differentiate my mother’s according to my step-moms instructions; so Mom#2 is my step mom who at times is more of a mother than Mom#1 my biological mother) I call Mom#2 and… voice mail.

I think of calling “AJ’s” Dad but think twice due to his sleeping habits.

So I call GiGi… yes, GiGi answers and saves my butt yet one more time. “Mr. Big Hands” arrives to pick me up and I leave the key in the visor for the tow truck guy.

I could blog a whole other blog on “Mr. Big Hands” conversation back to the shop, but that would make ya’ll laugh so hard you might pee your pants. Let’s just say one thing about what he said on the way back… Mr. President Obama should make me the sole person in charge of who decides who can own a hand gun. I know several that should not be allowed to carry or own guns from the way they always talk about their gun and how they like to walk out in their front yard with it in their back pocket when some stranger is on their street. JEEZ!
I in no way condone drinking and driving. If you drink, do not drive period. Here are some statistics to chew on: http://www.dccomics.com/mad/
Woops sorry, here is the link I meant to post: http://www.madd.org/About-Us/About-Us/Statistics.aspx

Anyone need a, “ride buddy” to and from Thomas Place in Everman for a few weeks? Call Me...

Land Mark: 1,000 Hours Sober

2009-02-02T12:21:00.009-06:00

Yes it’s true I have been sober 1,000 hours or 42 days. For the first time in 4 years I enjoyed the Super Bowl sober. I thought I might need a drink when the kids kept popping in and out of the living room and walking/standing in front of the damn TV every other minute, but I held onto my desire to stay sober. (That’s a joke MRS. Ala-Anon!)

I have reached a point in my sobriety were I am ready for 2 things:
1. The 4th & 5th Steps.
2. To work with others in recovery.

From the Big Book:

Practical Experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from
drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities
fail! This is our 12th suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You
can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail.
Remember they are very ill.
Or I can’t keep it if I don’t give it
away.

I went to my first home group (Legacy) last Friday. "Rail Road Eddy" told me to get my butt over there and say hi to some old timers. These old timers were there for me when I first got sober. The treatment center I was at in 1986 would bus us over to meetings and I really enjoyed the fellowship there at Legacy. This was before they moved from the old Wedgewood shopping center to the current location off Westcreek. The group is huge now and it was awesome to see some old friends. They kept sober these past 22 years and were there for me and other recovering alcoholics with open arms. I will visit them again but still like my home group Southwest for daily meetings. Southwest is old and grungy looking. It is a non-smoking group now but the walls are still nicotine yellow. It’s like the bars I use to frequent. I can remember having to drag my Pops out of old dive bars in Wichita Falls. He could really put em’ down. My dad would always tell me when I screwed up, “Son, I’ve done that and much, much more! You can’t shock me with your antics!” Oh-yea! That sounded like a challenge to me, not fatherly advice. So I did my best to best my father’s fuck ups! My story is filled with drunken journeys and I am blessed to be alive!

One of my favorite dive bars was the Poop Deck. The Poop Deck has a regular following that arrive early (10am) daily to get themselves right. (That first drink of the day to steady the nerves) I had several occasions when I needed to “right” myself for the day. I would slide into the old Poop Deck after a night of drinking with my drinking buddies at the upper scale Pups. I always needed that night cap, just one more drink to polish off an evening of boozing! I knew I didn’t want to be a regular at any of those dive bars, just pop in to remind myself that there were people worse off in their drinking than I was. This justified it and kept me “right” with my own drinking. Something I enjoyed better than a morning “righting” was the early AM toke. Yes… I enjoyed me some smot poking in the morning! It was a bad habit and hard to break. I would tell myself, pot is organic and it grows from the earth like vegetables so it must be ok. I didn’t act crazy after I “fried pied” like I always did when I drank. Mrs. Ala-Anon even validated this when she constantly reminded me off what an ass I was when I drank. LOL, hard to swallow for such a nice guy like me. She would tell me I was different when I just smoked than when I drank or smoked and drank. (A sure bed pissing night to follow after drinking all night then hitting the wacko weed) During my junior and senior years in high school I would wake up, “right” myself with a beer or two, roll a doobie, smoke that doobie, then shower and walk to school. Our apartment was just across the back yard of Rider High in Wichita Falls. I did this every morning without fail. I once went to first period a little too drunk and high from the night before and a kid next to me kept blurting out,” I smell beer! “The one day I went to school straight in those last two years, one of my teachers actually asked me if I was high!!! He was so used to seeing me stoned out of my mind, that when I was not high he thought I was high! Amazing I even graduated.

I’ve been sober 1,000 hours and it’s time to start giving it back! It’s time to push my sponsor into that dreaded no-drunks land of a personal inventory and spilling my guts to another human being!

Post Heart Attack

2009-01-30T13:01:00.014-06:00

December 19th, 2007
I’m slamming Makers Mark whisky and trying my best to get a 44oz. wagu bone in steak down my feeding tube at Del Frisco’s. (A medium upscale steak joint in downtown Fort Worth). My brand new boss is sitting across from my wife and me yelling, “Get it down big boy!” My wife asks me if I’m ok. Our production supervisor and his wife seem to be looking at me funny but I am past the drunk stage and pay no attention. What they were witnessing was a red faced, sweat streaming down, alcoholic barely breathing and ignoring the sure tell signs of a heart attack. I kept telling myself that it was reflux, I was too young to have heart problems but deep inside I knew I was only lying to myself.
January, 2008
My chest pains are getting worse. I know something is not right but I am scared to go to the hospital. I have a weekend were I think I might die; the pain is so intense it feels like someone is squeezing my heart in a vise clamp. I go to work on a Monday and I can’t do my work for the pain and constant mind fuck I’m giving myself! A vendor; Todd Vaughn with Fort Worth Bolt & Tool comes by to visit and see if we need anything. Todd is one of my favorite vendors and I enjoy his weekly stop inns and occasional lunches. We don’t spend a whole lot of doe with his company, but he’s a great guy. So I confide in Todd that morning about what’s going on with my chest. Todd is the first person I tell anything to. I hadn’t even said a word to my soul mate. Todd tells me to get my butt to the hospital right then! I heed his advice and drive straight to Harris hospital emergency room. I call my wife and of course she is worried sick. (Something she is real good at) She calls my dad who like a champ is standing beside me in warp speed! I am so blessed to have such a great father in my life. My Pops had bypass at about the same age I was that day (41) and was worried about his son as well. I was lucky to have him by my side that day, because when the Cardiologist offered to either do a stress test and send me home after or coronary catheterization me right then, my Pops spoke up and said do the cath son! Dr. Khamar was convinced that there was nothing wrong with me and had just given me a 20 minute lecture on smoking, drinking, and not taking good care of myself. (Little late Doc, but thanks anyway) Off to the cath lab I go… After I wake up from the catheterization in the hall, the good Doc and my family are looking down at me in on the gurney with concerned looks on their faces and he tells me they are going to keep me for awhile and a surgeon would be talking to me soon. I spend a few days in the cardio intensive care unit and a surgeon comes to see me to advise what he needs to do and when he plans to do it. I remember him talking and then getting dizzy, hot, flushed, and sick to my stomach, then trying to tug on his sleeve because I could not speak. My wife noticed something was wrong and the rest is kind a blurry. I know the alarms started sounding, nurses were flying all around the room and whatever drugs they were pumping into me made me feel much better. One of my nurses said later that she thought I just fainted in my bed because of what the Doctor was telling me.(I hav efainted before and this felt more like a heart attack)My surgeon changed his schedule and I was whisked into surgery ASAP. Just before I went out, I remember needing to fart, and all these pretty surgical nurses were setting things up to cut me open, I tried to sneak out a toot and sharded a real wet one. I tried to murmur an apology as I went to nana land…

Waking up after my surgery, I just felt so happy to be alive!

They had me strapped to the bed like Hannibal Lector at an 85 degree angle. I had tubes coming out of every hole in my body butt my bum and even a few tubes in wholes I didn’t have before I went in to surgery. I was extremely parched and just wanted my recovery nurse to take that damn tube out of my throat. I recovered quickly and they sent me packing after 5 short days. I thought my chest might open back up if I left the hospital since there were no stitches or staples but they assured me that the super glue would hold me together.
March 2008
I returned to work 8 weeks later and eventually started cardio rehab at the gym in the basement of Harris hospital. The rehab girls are awesome and I need to get back there so they can bitch at me for eating burgers and make me walk the treadmill and stuff. I would get so depressed when I went to work out. Here I was at 41 working out with 70+ year old men and women and they were kicking my butt and making me look like a wussy. One told me that I was screwing up their curve; another would just laugh at me and tell all the other old fuckers I was too young to know that “word” or “this event.” Then my wife joined the club and presented a new outlook for the place. She said she loved this gym because there were no skinny firm work out bimbos, (ya know the kind that sweat perfume and never groan or fart on the weight machines) So I got to thinking, hey I can reach an acceptable physical level here and maybe be close to top dog. If I were at a Valley’s or some other upscale jock box, I would look like a broken down 41 year old that just had bypass surgery. Here at Harris, I could gain status in a hurry. Not… there are some 80 year olds working out 5 days a week that can kick my butt on the stair master.
June, 2008
I’m walking on the treadmill as usual and my chest starts hurting like a sum-bitch. My rehab girls take me into the back room and hook up the EKG machine and notice some witches peaks or bundle branches.
Extreme right axis deviation (+180o to -90o) is rare, and considered an 'electrical no-man's land'. In the setting of right bundle branch block, right or left axis deviation may indicate bifascicular block.And I am wheeled over to the ER were they are so backed up I am left in the hall on gurney waiting for blood test, x-ray, and the ER Doc to tell me “No heart attack”, “Go home!” Been there, stayed, and got the zipper to remind me ER Doctors are not cardiologist. As expected my test results showed no sign of a heart attack and the ER Doc was ready to boot me out of his ER. It was shift change and the new shift was sending patients by the dozen out the front door. I listened to the new ER Doc tell at least 5 people who were all on gurneys in the halls like me, your test results show no sign of a heart attack, your nurse will bring you discharge papers soon. God just happen to send George (My beloved and Cardiologist for like) around the corner right at that moment when they were booting me out. I grab him and tell him, “George, something’s wrong!” I don’t feel right. We go through the normal questions and he schedules me an appointment for that Friday at Medical Plaza. He caths me again that Friday night and learns that all 3 of my bypasses have failed and that my main artery is blocked again. (My surgeon had cleaned it out while he was grafting my bypasses) Shit… I am so ready to hang in my hat at this point and when I wake up from the cath, they once again are keeping me and sending in another surgeon to consult with. Well… hells bells if I’m letting them cut me open again! They are just going to have to find another way to fix ol’ Will Woody Jr. TRUE!
The new surgeon agrees with me that it would be pointless to open me up again so soon after my last surgery if these bypasses had failed in six months.

Phewww… close one! George has to do some special stints that are very difficult because of the placement inside the bypass where they meet my arteries. He also blows up my main artery to open it up. My “George” is a great Cardiologist and we will have a relationship as long as we both are alive and he is practicing in my neck of woods.
January 2009
I don’t know what it’s like for other bypass survivors, but every little ping in my chest sends “SHIT I AM DIEING” messages to my brain. I have had a ton of “SHIT I AM DIEING” messages since my surgery and stints. It really fucks with my serenity! I have had 3 more catheterizations and each time, I checked out all clear. At one point George told me to chill out and go eat a burger! Well… what my alcoholic mind heard was,

“You are cured” go back to your wicked ways; drinking, smoking, dipping, eating crappie food, and to hell with exercise!!!

After the last cath, they figured my reflux was giving me the same symptoms as coronary artery blockage. I was to double up my nexium and the pains should go away. And they did for short time. Now if I get angina, I slap 2 nitro patches on and trick my brain into believing its just indigestion. (Which is hard to do after telling my brain that shit for a whole year before they had to rip me open and wire me back with a steel cable that hurts like a bitch every day) My awesome wife who has stuck by me all through this and has put up with my sick ass for years just called me and said the news just had a story on about heart patients that take Nexium and Plavix have a greater chance of having another heart attack because the Nexium blocks something in the Plavix. (This is jus t great fucking news) I take double the normal dosage of Nexium every day and they stopped my aspirin regiment after my last cath. SHIT MAN!
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

It will all be ok, I’ll call George! He will know what we need to do. If you are a bypass survivor, please leave comments. I am writing this in effort to reach out to other survivors and get feedback. Something my wife told me to do right after my surgery… (Hate it when she’s right)

Talent Show tonight

2009-01-29T13:19:00.000-06:00

Talent Show
My “D” has a talent show tonight at the Jane Justin School tonight. She is going to sing a song from High School Musical (What time is it) with her BFF Jacob. Unfortunately “lil Scooter” has a program at Lily B as well. So, it’s split night and I am attending my “D’s” show. That means momma will go to Scooters program with our 18 year old son. I am excited and can’t wait for the night to get here. I last attended “D’s” school talent show 3 years ago and it was a hoot! I will post tonight’s results manyana.

37 Days/893 Hours

2009-01-28T22:41:00.000-06:00

Some general observations in my sobriety.

1. I don't have to stand in my recycle bin every Tuesday night and stomp down the damn beer bottles and cartons, or sneak them into my neighbors’ bins.
2. Attending 7 AA meetings a week: Coffee $1.50, Self supporting basket $7.00

Drinking every other day 7 days:
12pks Miller Lite $48.00, 18pks Miller Lite $40.00, 1.5ltrs Red Wine $18.00, Tylenol & Alka-Seltzer $3.00

A God of my understanding keeping me sober 1 day at a time: Priceless!
3. No more late night SSS (Stumble ling, Staggering, & Slurring) beer runs to my Albertson’s.
4. No more (3x nightly) short beer runs to Valero.
5. Not missing the long drunk conversations with my little Napa Ian friend who works at Valero. I once had a 30 minute late night chat with him were we came up with a business plan to sell sunglasses from China to the very wealthy in Dubai. Only problem...convincing the wife and kids to pack up and move to Dubai were they love Alkies like me.
6. I'm not attempting to beat up my little Napalian little brother (Who is not so little; 6'10") for disrespecting the Misses! (Anyone who knows da Misses knows she has a better chance of whooping that big ass Indian's ass than I ever would!)
7. I've been sober 37 days and I have not missed work in 37 days! Not even today with 3" of ice on the streets. (Coincidence? I think not!)
8. Short term memory loss is a bitch unless you want your kids to kick you butt in the Memory game.
9. I don't stink of alcohol in the mornings and our toilet paper costs has been cut in 1/2. (Wait, no it hasn't. We have Mrs. 40 wiper who taught the 2 little ones to wipe 40 times... Wait, the autistic one doesn't wipe at all, so I guess our shit ticket bill is the same)
10. My car is parked in "MY" driveway (yep, it's even parked straight) every morning when I wake up.
11. No more taxi rides home from after-hours work gatherings or pepper spray wake you drunk, get out of the taxi and point to your house. (Thank you FWPD for pushing me just a tad bit closer to my bottom!)
12. I don't have to make amends with my last and current bosses and offer restitution for the taxi rides they so generously called and paid for the night before)
13. I don't plan on eating at the Irving Hooters any time soon anyway, so the ban you gave me 3 years ago has no merit.
14. Ditto for the FW Del Frisco’s!
15. I get to sit next to the ex-detective that one: kicked my front door down second: then my bathroom door third: arrested me at gun point; in meetings at my Home AA group. (Small fucking world has a whole new meaning folks)
16. If I get a bit of angina I grab a nitro patch instead of a 18pk of Miller Lite. (If you haven't figured it out yet; yes ML was my drug of choice and I nick named it "Mothers Milk" for the comfort it gave me)
17. My kids seem to be functioning better. (Just don't ask their mom that question) we sometimes have differing opinions.
18. I haven't pissed the bed or my pants in 37 days! (She still washes the sheets daily, OCD habits are hard to break)
19. I haven't puked my guts out scaring the crap out of my little ones in 37 days and nights.
20. All 10 beer stores are still in business. (and I believed they would suffer great financial losses if I stopped stopping by daily for refills)

2009-01-26T16:52:00.004-06:00

Sarcasm Rating: 69%
Warning, this blog conations at least 69% sarcasm and will likely melt if you try to print it. If you experience eye irritation or burning, diraha, vomiting, headache, dizziness, blurred vision, stomach cramps, temporary memory loss, anal bleeding, discomfort while urinating,( go see a Doctor now if it burns when you pee), skin rash, skin dis-coloration, or the over whelming urge to call me and give me your fucking opinion. Walk to your bathroom, wash face with cold water, look in the mirror and tell yourself, it’s just sarcasms; I am ok, people like me for who I am, I must get past this. IT’S JUST FUCKING SARCASISM FOLKS!

Date Night

I actually planned a date night with “Mrs. OCD” aka “Mrs. Clean” aka “Mrs. Ala-Anon”. We went to a speaker meeting at the Glass House Friday night. The speaker was KC and it was his first time to speak. He had a great story and we enjoyed it except for the podium banging. The microphone must have been directly wired to the podium because when he hit it, (Which he did nervously every 5 seconds) you heard it loud and clear. When we pulled up into the parking lot, I told “Mrs. Clean” that all the people there tonight were there to do an intervention on her. (She did not laugh!)

Ahh… I remember date nights back when the Misses and I first hooked up. We had met at my parents’ house around 1985 or so. We HOOKED UP in 1998 at a dive bar on the west side of Fort Worth called the Home plate (formally the SUSU). I saw her at the other end of the bar all blonde and looking fine and shit! I sent a mutual friend down to her to ask her if her name was what it really is? (She does not want me to use her real name, she is afraid of blogger stalkers) LOL! Anyway she freaked out and started looking all arround the Home Plate; because she was going by one of her many aliases at that time and she had no idea out who could be there and know her real identity! HA! She could not recognize me in my Rico Save disguise looking all super fine and shit.

Super Fine Momma
+
Super Fine Daddy
=
Our Beautiful
Babies

So I finally approached her and she fell in love with me on the spot, (True story) after all she was drunk! Hey if you have daddy issues and like to drink at bars 7 nights a week…I’m your guy! I’m a dysfunctional gals dream come true and I prefer my women sick! (Head sick, not like with diseases and shit) We would go out every night (Even on Sundays; my favorite night to hit the Irish Pups) and play darts, pool, and talk, make out, play more darts (I always won) then make out more. Man the sex was out of this world. We partied like rock stars and … well… I already said the sex was great! were all adults here, right? Then “Mrs. Clean” becomes pregnant with our 1st daughter “D” and she stops everything! Just like that… no more drinking and carousing late night fall down pick yourself back up party nights! (Not even on a Monday; everyone like s to go out and get smashed on a Monday) How could she abandon me like that, better yet? How could she just stop drinking? Baffles the mind of an Alcoholic It took me a little longer to stop the merry go round. But once I did BAM! 7 years sobriety! (Ever notice the 1st three letters in sobriety?) So getting back to date night… we go out and listen to this speaker and I think she likes it, other than we sat on the side wall and our necks hurt from looking sideways for an hour. (Note to “Mrs. Clean” sit in the chairs facing forward next time) After the speaker meeting, I get this comment, “What a date night!” from you know who. I think to myself… self… she’s right; this wasn’t like our old date nights. So we need to eat dinner now and we totally avoid the twenty minute: “I don’t care where you want to eat conversation”. Ya know when the guy says, “ What ya hungry for?” and the girl replies, “ I don’t know???” so the guy starts throwing out food categories like Mexican, Italian, Chinese, sounds more like the UN council. So the girl still give ya the “I don’t know response” So the guy starts naming off all their usual restaurants… and she is getting quieter by the restaurant. And so the guy is getting pissed, cause he could go through the fricken drive threw at Mickey D’s and gets a Big Mac meal deal and is done with this conversation! And all of a sudden the gal say’s in a not so confident voice, I guess Chili’s is fine… Well by now the guy is trapped in the conversation for another 20 minutes and it almost always ends with fuck it, let’s just go home and send the sitter packing! Cool right because we totally side tracked that whole dysfunctional situation. I drove straight to the Yucatan Taco place on Magnolia, of course we had the argument about were BJ Keefers use to be and whether or not the new Yucatan restraint was in the same damn building. I’ll let you all figure that one out. (Hint--- yes it is! Ha!) We walk in and there’s a damn line… rut row, “Mrs. Clean” does not like any lines in front of her, behind her, or on either side of her! I distract her by pointing at the deco style menus hanging on the wall. She’s not falling for it; she’s scanning the seating arrangements and is thinking about jolting out the door. (She has a thing about crowds too). I’m really starting to dig this place, so I must convince her that we are in the right place. The guy in front of us approaches order taker lady and she asks him if he has a place to sit yet? CRAP! Were done here… might as well walk out with my tail between my legs. But No! Damnit! Its date night and I’m hungry as hell and I just waited in line with “Mrs. I Hate Lines” so we are ordering food here if we have to eat it standing up! We decide to split grilled veggie nacho’s (outstanding if you decide to go there and wait in line) so I slip in an order of fried meat pies! (I think they call them empanadas) because I am watching my cholesterol and I am worried all those veggies and lettuce might send it sky high. I manage to talk the order taker girl out of my birth year token, even though we were order #93 (Like this one only yellow.)

or somethin’. (They give you a small round yellow token with numbers on it, you place this token at the top of this a wire thing on your table so the food runners can find you when your food is ready. About 15 minutes from order time to eaten’ time the Friday night we were there) The crowd is load, so the music is even louder. I now have the token in my living room. Woot! Woot! We finish dinner and drive home slowly through one of the neighborhoods we would like to live in and talk about houses and stuff. We make it home safe and sober and I return my mom to her house. I make it back home safe and sober and non-high. (My momma is on daily medicinal marijuana) At least that’s what she calls it. She doesn’t have a script or anything like that. She tells me, “William, it’s my medicine honey.” So… I think this was a very successful date night and I plan to repeat it this Friday, only we have to skip the dinner part, cause I’m………………………………………………. say it with me boys and girls…………………………………. BROKE ASS BROKE! LOL!
Sobriety Calculator
0.10 Years

1.15 Months

35 Days

839 Hours

(For those of you paying attention…Yes it took me 5 hours to complete this blog)

Switching Addictions & Drinking Alone

2009-01-23T17:18:00.002-06:00

Yes it’s true; I have replaced one addiction with another one. Texas Hold Em’ is my drug of choice today and it is all over my back (eek…eek...eek) damn monkey go away! I’ve had to cope with that banana eating poo flinging bastard all my life. I started playing online poker at work when at lunch the five of us (Snuffy, 8EK, Ginger, BT, and me “Mr. Heart Attack”) would log onto myspace or face book and have some friendly games. The lunch time games would sometimes run over an hour or two until it seemed like some or most of us were playing all day. Not sure who but we think it was our office Nazi that turned us in to “Mr. Cool Boss”. All we knew was one Monday we could no longer log into myspace, so some of us immediately set up face book accounts to continue with our fun time. Well… it didn’t last long until corporate IT shut down access to face book, so no more 7 card for us hard workers at Wedge.
Good news today: JW Measurement is shutting down their Houston
location. YEA! (JW is one of our major competitors)
I know have Texas hold em’ on my iphone and of course at home on our 1980 model HP. I play every night and have quite a large network of poker buddies now. I usually just play with a select few though. Like Rosie (her profile pic is her in a bar drinking out of a pitcher), “D” in FW (not Dakota, so don't get confused here), Hegressor from gressor land???, Kitty Kat in MN, Marta from LA, and Kimberly & Bart from Joshua. It’s cool when you log on find a buddy, start playing and little by little all your buddies find you and join the table. I was playing on the home CPU the other night and “lil Scooter” came up behind me holding my phone with a great big grin on her face. “DADDY! DADDY!” I just won! “WHAT?” I ask in shock. She had my phone playing and just kept raising a Q 3 hand and she won 20k+ in chips on one hand. I couldn’t believe it as I grabbed my phone from her little hands and told her to go play poker on her mom’s iphone. (Yep- class act dad I am) That night I went from 30k in chips up to 56k all thanks to my babies great Hold Em’ skills. I played a little while longer with “Hegressor” and “kitty Kat” before I decided to log off and hit the cuddle sack with momma! I saw “D” was playing at a real high stakes table and jumped over there to watch a minute before logging off. (You can just watch games and still comment in the chat box). I asked “D” sup and was this a friendly table?” He said, “Hey Will”, “yes it is; sup wich u?” I said I was broke and heading to bed when I decided to sit and play a hand or two. When I sat down at the table I came in with 20k in chips (keeping my other 30k off the table) “D” reported that I was not that broke. See, some players have chips in the millions and ante up 10,000 with blinds at 20,000. This table was 250/500. I folded the 1st two hands because this dude next to me “Baris” kept going all in with 33k chips. I met some of “D’s” other friends (all with mega chip counts) and joined in on the normal friendly chitter chatter. Ramona stated that “Baris” was an idiot because he kept going all in wildly. So on the 3rd hand when the dude next to me went all in, I called as did several others of the nine players at the table. I sent text to the talk box saying: “If I win I stay, if I lose I cry!” Couldn’t imagine losing those chips Scooter just won for me. I WON! BAM! I won a huge pot! “Baris gets knocked off the table for the 4th hand in a row of going all in. He pops back on the screen with a big chip count and goes all in again, I call and BAM! I win again! So I’m up to 80k+ now and I really need to get to mamma for the cuddling ASAP. I play a few more hands and say goodnight to the table. I’m aware that I am now powerless over Texas Hold Em’ but am unwilling to take that 1st step and commit to total absolution.

1980’s
At times in my life, mostly when I was single, I would isolate and drink to a favorite TV show or Album (yes I come from the days before CD’s and MP3 players and iphones that can hold all your CD collection and then some) In the 80’s when I was dating that "She Devil" (1st wife) I had an apartment and I would wait until 10pm to rush to the beer store and load up for the nights party with Entertainment Tonight and David Letterman, then if I was still standing maybe catch Late Night with Conan. If the Mash reruns came on it was going to be hell to get to work the next day. I was hiding my drink in then from my family and “Evil Woman”, so I couldn’t keep a sure stock of beer in the fridge. It was torture trying to get away from her in time to buy beer before they cut it off. I loved my alone time and could drink until I forgot that I was in a relationship with a "Monster".
1990’s
In the late 90’s I was living in the Warren Inn out on the west side of Fort Worth. (Luxury furnished efficiency dive for $175.00 a week) As soon as I got off I would hit the beer store and then a fast food drive through for dinner. My shows were the Simpson’s & King of The Hill reruns because that’s all my rabbit eared TV picked up. I liked isolating and drinking alone, forgetting my current situation. I would swim in my loneliness and bathe in sorrow right there in my dark empty 1 room hut. It was even better if the TV show had someone drinking in it. Like Homer Simpson guzzling down pitcher after pitcher or Hank out in the alley way drinking cans of beer with his buddies Boomhauer, Dale, and Bill. I soaked up the booze faster when they drank with me. I think back to when my dad was reaching his bottom. How he sat on the floor of our living room in Wichita Falls and listened to music with his head phones on. (The big ones that looked like the guy waiving the flashlights for the jets to land on an aircraft carrier) He would sit there for hours upon hours and listen to Hank and CCR and write… I don’t know what he wrote but he wrote allot! I figured he was writing a book and we would soon be rich. If you got to close to him he would scream at you, so I kept my distance. I was busy getting my high on anyway. I think back and wonder if I had reached out to him… tried to talk to him… overcame my fears of him… would our lives had turned out different? Hmmm…

2000’s
Most recently I would drink with Tommy Gavin and his sick ass family. If you have ever watched Rescue Me, then you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t seen it on FX, shame on you! He is a on again off again recovering alcoholic firefighter in NY after 9-11. (Ms. Al-Anon and Mr. Heart attacks weeding anniversary) His family once started and AA group with just family members. It was hilarious! I could really put em’ down with Tommy. I could relish in the pain he was feeling from losing his friends in the tragedy of those coward terrorist attacks. The Mss. even joined in on some of the benders. If ever I would put on the headphones and crank up the music, a toggle switch flicks in my brain, I get squirrely, and something changes in me. I want to drink. I hear the music differently. It’s too weird to explain. It’s like… I don’t know how to explain it. I feel real strong feelings before I numb them with alcohol. I liked those moments of intense feelings. Then the feelings would convert to anger, jealousy, and fear. Keep the phone away from me folks, cause I’m likely to call up old Uncles or Aunts or friends that I haven’t spoke to in years at 3 am. Most were patient with my drunkass calls. I could talk for hours and not remember a thing other than dialing the 411 to get a number for Uncle Mike or Aunt Sandy. Crazy, right?!?!!! Yeppers!!! Mrs. Al-Anon was quick to remind me of my stupid antics from the night before even when I didn’t want to remember. (Thanks Babe!) LOL
More to come on this… gotta go pick up the baby sitter; it’s the 1st sober date night for me and momma!
GONA BAKE ME A CAKE… ME & MOMMA GONA GO OUT...gona Shakeke...
OUR THINGS…

BLOOD CHIP

2009-01-21T14:32:00.007-06:00

30 days sober! It felt awesome to get my 1 month chip yesterday. I’ve picked up many of them before but this one felt different. I sat in the 1st chair in front of the chair person. (I have been sitting in chairs all over the room at South West group (My home group) trying to see which one fits the best. Nobody ever sits in the 4 chairs infront of the chair person table. The tables make like a "H" shape in the center of the room and everyone sits on the outside wall chairs.

My “lil Scooter” has been bugging me for my desire chip since I picked it up a month ago. I kept telling her to go look in daddy’s top drawer of his dresser, she could find about 20 of them there. (I looked and they have vanished; that’s fucking magic) sorry wrong blog again.

So I gave Scooter my silver desire chip when I got home from the meeting with the stipulation that that be her only desire chip she ever receives in her long life ahead of her. The guy chairing the meeting chairs good meetings and I always like it when he’s chairing but the butt-head never calls on me to share. (He’s really not a butt-head but he always wears a Steelers cap)

When he asked if there were any 1 month celebrants my arm shot up like the space shuttle launching off to space!!!

The meeting was about "happiness". All who shared had good things to say and I listened with God’s help. "Butt-head" did call on me to share about ½ ways through the meeting. I shared that I was pretty sure that I was born happy. It was when I opened my eyes that I became pissed off at the world! My happiness comes from inside (with a little help from effixar) I am generally a very happy person. I do get crabby when I don’t get my way, that’s because I’m selfish and I always want my way. If I let God guide my spiritual program, I can get happiness from all around me. If I try to run the show… well let’s just say that gets ugly in a hurry. I am happy that I haven’t missed a day of work in 30 days. (I reminded “Mr. Cool Boss” of that little fact today) I’m happy I have a home with 3 beautiful ladies to go home to. I’m happy “Mrs. Clean” still loves me even after all the crap I put here through. I am happy to be alive considering my health last year. I am happy the damn angina is minimal now that I have quit drinking. (Yes I need to get back to rehab and eat better but I still take my meds like clockwork and stuff my gut with more supplements than you should swallow in one given day!) Sounds like my happiness leads to gratitude… and I do have so much to be grateful for!

Be sure to occacionaly tip your trash man and postal carrier! They have tuff
jobs and are out in the elements everyday Mon-Sat. Yes they even work Saturdays!
You may tell yourself, “yea, but they get paid well.” Listen, I was once a trash
man and that job is the hardest job on this planet!!! (Physically) Obviously
brain surgeons have a tuff go at fixing your marbles when they chop your skull
open. Your mail person most likely has been delivering your mail 7 days a week
for as long as you can remember. Our mail person is “Cookie” and she rocks. Just
ask “Mrs. Clean” about her fill inns when she takes off 3 months a year! I look
forward to “Cookies” days off just to hear “Mrs. Clean” scream at the top of her
lungs (non-Woody’s lose their hearing when she screams) “That sorry
son-of-a-bitch has no clue what the fuck he is doing!” or “Fuck! No mail to day,
shithead is delivering the mail!” LMAO!!!

Sorry that shit was on my mind on the way to work this morning and I felt the need to put it out there. I use to take extra care of my customers that tipped me for picking up their nasty garbage. Guess what I did to the ones that came out bitchin at us to pick up all the disgusting shit they left next to the trash can? I’ll tell ya another time! I made need to include those assholes in my 10th step. Maybe not, they may receive physical harm if I tried to make amends to them the sorry bastards! Am I cussing a lot today? Hmmm…

Back to 30 days sober baby!!! YES! HELL YES!!! It feels great! The late great John Lennon once said, “I’m gona ride this pink cloud into the sunset” ……………………………………………………………………………………………
Ok maybe he didn’t say those exact words, but it sounds better coming from him!

Reach over and pinch the person to your lefts ass! Give em’ a big smooch and tell them you love them! What? I don’t care if you’re sitting on the bus right now, just do it!

Monday

2009-01-19T18:01:00.002-06:00

Monday…
I have been tired all day today. Had to call the boss this morning because I was running a little late for work. I could have made it on time but for some reason I felt like I just had to make a fried egg sandwich for breakfast this morning. It was real good too. My single employee, a young man I will call “Snuffy” (Really that’s what we all call him because he dips snuff all day and all night, he even eats with it in his mouth) called me while I was making my sandwich and said he forgot to set his alarm.(Lamest excuse ever know to mankind).

I once had a boss in Irving who told me not to give lame excuses for calling in.
He wanted me to make up exciting reasons for being late. I was late 4 days out
of the work week at that job, so I became real good at coming up with
hum-dinngers. (If you live 1 hour and 15 minutes from you place of employment
and you wake up late or have a flat or whatever… being so far away from your job
only makes you real, real, real late).

Back to this morning: So I not only had to call my boss for my tardiness, but for both our lateness. So I call my boss (the coolest boss I have ever had) and I say, “Boss, it’s Will.” “Yes Will”, “Hey the guys in purchasing are going to be a little late today.” “How late is a little late?” “Well, Snuffy just called me and he forgot to set his alarm.” “Umm-hmm!” (I sense the disappointment in his voice) “He is leaving his house now and I am headed out the door right now!” (Notice I give no excuse for myself) I get to work right behind Snuffy. We have to travel down an extremely bumpy two lane road that stretches from I35 W to the Florida coast; so it seems when you’re late. Snuffy is in front of me behind a car and a dump truck going 5 mph. I see Snuffy try to pass wildly once, then another time only to almost hit the oncoming traffic. He finally manages to pass the two vehicles right when he has to slam on the breaks and turn left onto our road. LMAO! I pull in right behind him even though I didn’t have to drive like a lunatic to get there. We walk in together and I think this eerks him a little because I’m laughing my ass off at him. I had to make coffee because “BT” is off this week and “Ginger” can’t make coffee! (Shit man its 2 ingredients: COFFEE AND FRCKN WATER!) I pass by my cool ass bosses office and he says, “Hey ya Will come here.” He sees my fried egg sandwich and says what a great breakfast that is for “Mr. Heart attack”. (That’s me) I scoff it off and answer his Monday morning questions, usually the same as the Friday afternoon questions. I love my job!

I’ve been dragging ass all day! Even after 3 cups of coffee; count them 1-2-3 just like Magic 1-2-3, never mind wrong blog.

(Self: must get sleep tonight. No online poker or blogging. Ok, maybe a
little online poker, but to bed early with you).
It’s that time of year when the depression starts to set in. Yes… only 1 more
game left in the season. I know it’s sad, right? I’m glad the Cardinals made it
to the big game. To hell with the Steelers! They can’t be the 1st of the dynasty
greats to win 6 Super Bowls!!! They just can’t!
I didn’t accomplish a lot this morning. I did however enjoy a 2 hour lunch at TGIF with the Summit Electric guys. I took a few guys from the office and shop with us, but you’ll here more about them in a bit. Had to take two cars because there was so many of us. ½ of us went down to Joshua to look at the new Wedge building after lunch. I got a call from my boss on the way back from Joshua. “Are you almost done?!” “Yep, I’m on my way”. I get back to the office and in a matter of seconds my office line barks at me… I see extension “4516” “My boss”, “Hey ya” (he starts every sentence with Hey ya and along pause after) “Yes”, “Hey ya... Will come here real quickly”. (That means stop whatever you are doing and get your ass in my office ASAP)-(The second bark of “Hey ya” is not good!) “Ok”. I know the drill so I stop what I’m doing (Which is Nothing, I just got back from a nice long lunch, right?) and jot right down to his office and he says, “Hey ya…Close my door”. (Oh shit it’s one of those “Hey yas”) I do and he starts in on me. "Bla bla bla bla bla d bla…!" This translates to no more lunches for the other guys I took with me today.
1. Snuffy (Who you know works for me.)
2. Ginger (Our red headed drafter.)
3. 8EK the QC guy. (We call him 8EK because he has the same last name as our boss, so we assume he brings home 80,000.00 a year) LOL.
4. And the new guy. R(Our new electrician we just hired, we will call him Crocker) Remember Miami Vice from the 80’s, well he is the opposite of that Crocker.
Seems my boy Snuffy “threw me under the bus” when he came back in car #1 while I was down in Joshua in car #2 checking out my new office and warehouse. My boss asks him, “HEY YA...SNUFFY, YOU ENJOY YOUR HOUR AND A HALF LUNCH?” Snuffy replies with:
“At least I came right back to the office, Will went to Joshua to see the new building!”
HA HA HA! Little did Snuffy know that that (Ok, I have a thing about using “that that” in a sentence) statement he just muttered in his own defense just shot his own foot! By saying this, he set himself up for the fall. Remember when I said I had the coolest boss ever? Still true! LMAO! He was never mad at me for the long lunch! He just didn’t like the idea of me taking half the damn crew out for a 2 hour lunch. (Makes him look bad and my job is to make him look good) I love my job! (Really, I do…no sarcasms there for real) I… still get to go on lunch dates with my vendors. In fact I have every lunch scheduled this week with a different vendor. (Just 1 of the perks for spending millions and millions of $$$ every year). No more lunches for Snuffy because he is hanging on to his job by a thread, (another story in itself). No more lunches for the new guy Crocker, because he hasn’t done shit since we hired him last week. (Not his fault, I had to order all his tools and material to get him set up). No more lunches for 8EK because he can go to lunch with our customers during meter tube inspections. Only lunches with Ginger for the vendors he brings in here. I love my job. I really like my boss.
I keep the image of being in the shit house with my boss just for all the other employees to think they can through me under the bus anytime they like and I will get in trouble with "Mr. Boss Man". LOL. Not to sound too cocky, but I am real good at my job "if I am sober. "
Damn… just noticed the time (5:55)-(make a wish) I’m late for my meeting!
Be safe! Be sober! (If you’re like me) but most of all be yourself!
PS. I spell checked in warp speed, so you real life spell checkers have a blast, just keep your auto-corrections comments to yourself… I don’t give a dam! LOL

Willingness vs. The Itch

2009-01-18T00:30:00.002-06:00

I had an itch today. 1st one since I sobered up. I hesitate to write about it because of Mrs. Ala-Anon's constant worries. She should blog about them. I had killer Mav's vs. Jazz tickets with a parking pass. The seats were 11 rows up from the court right behind the goal post. Killer right! I really wanted to go but knew it was too early in my sobriety to risk such a venture even with support. But it irked me anyway. See I am selfish that way and I like to get my way. I went to run an errand at 5:30, a short trip right down the road from me cassa. I first noticed the itch when I got in the car. Umm a beer sounds good, right? I made the trip with out drinking, again just about 1.2 miles round trip. Phew!!! I get home and I change my shorts to pants, kiss Mrs. Ala-Anon and tell her I’m going to a meeting. (The willingness to stay sober) Mrs. Ala-Anon asks if I’m ok? “ No I’m not ok, I’m sick that’s why I need a meeting”. (Us sober drunks enjoy this kind of humor.) But non-alcoholics (The really sick ones) do not understand, especially the ones that have been hurt. “What?” "Are you ok?", I repeat the, "I’m sick line", and laugh as I’m rushing out the door.

I get to the meeting in warp speed.

(My home group is 1 minute from me casa) Sweet right! I walk in and there are 5 new guys, all from Mississippi (I didn’t need spell check for Mississippi because my 7 yr old taught me how to spell it) It was on one of her spelling test last year. She can spell hippopotamus too, but I can’t so (I had to use spell check for that word). The meeting is about "willingness". "Wow"… "Thank you God" for putting me here (at meeting). I need to be here. I listen and I hear. My spiritual connection with God is listening to other recovering alcoholic share their strength, hope, experience, and sickness. I like the strength part the best. I like when others share about "the now", "staying sober and how they work the program". I’ve heard enough "drunk stories" to last a life time. Hell… I lived a drunk life for 42 years. (Yes, even as an infant I was sick with this disease) I didn’t learn it, I did not inherit it, I didn’t catch it like a cold. I am an alcoholic from birth until I die. Maybe I will be able to drink in heaven, but what’s the point if your in heaven? God gave me the willingness to get my butt to a meeting and hear what I needed to hear to keep me sober today. Thank you Lord for keeping me sober today! Everyone who shared had some awesome recovery and spoke true to their recovery. I really like this one lady who when she speaks, I hear this soft voice full of serenity like an angelic voice from spiritual land. I melt in those hard ass chairs whenever she shares. ( I have an oversize gut and a bony butt, so the pressure from my belly pushes down on my soft ass and makes my arse hurt) TMI, right?
Side note: This shit is funny people, get ready to laugh… The band on Saturday Night Live tonight is named “Fleet Boxes” … Ha! Ha! Ha!… and………… are you ready for this shit….I have a box of fleet enemas in my bathroom!!! LMAO!!! Bada bing!

Ok, back to willingness. I am ready to do whatever it takes to stay sober. I have a life now that I am not drinking. I have a beautiful family to come home sober to. I hurt them enough with my destructive behavior. They deserve the best I can give them and my best is definitely when I’m sober. Nothing else matters right now.

Tell someone you love them and stop at “I love you!” There should never be a
“but” after those words.

My First Bottom & My Last Bottom

2009-01-15T21:34:00.002-06:00

Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

My First bottom Spring 1986

I was living with my mother and little sister “Bug” in Wichita Falls, TX. After graduating from High School I tried living in Fort Worth with my dad and new mom. This was cool to be in a big city and away from old pals and hangouts. My buddy Danny Wood (bar room buddy) and still my BFF drove down to Fort Worth in his Vega drinking heavily as we did on all road trips. I remember when we got close to Fort Worth it started raining so hard we couldn’t see an inch in front of the windshield. We were listening to the radio when we heard that a plain had just crashed at DFW. We were freaking out because we had no idea where we were or where the hell that airport was. My 1st stay in FW didn’t last long because my dad was sober now and was picking up on my drinking fast. So in the middle of the night I hauled ass back to my comfort zone. (Good oh’ mom) My mom is A#1 enabler. God bless her for this. I remember talking her out of enough money to buy a ½ ounce of weed for her, because she deserved the right to enjoy life and relax after working so hard at the State Hospital. I would rush to my smot man and poke (that’s smoke for you non-savvy readers) it up during the transaction. I always had a constant supply of pot dealers just incase one or five of them ran dry I could get my weed. My first pot dealer lived in my uncle Ralph’s old house across from my old elementary school Ben Milam. She had a daughter that I knew from school and we smoked it up everyday after school until “dealer mom” got tired of us smoking all her private stash. Anyway… I would get the ½ ounce that mom paid for, take a dime bag out and give that to my mom telling her this was good stuff so she should make the it last. And off I went with free weed to smoke with all my booze I had stashed in my special stash places. I had a job as a stock boy at a local conveience store where I would steal a case of beer and a carton of cigs every night when I took the trash out. So my buddies and I would return to the store after the it closed to claim the nights supply of booze. I always had a ride after work. I sold the smokes at school 2 packs for a $1 and I always had cash, weed, and a large ton of beer. My closet was so full at one time I had to rent a friends closet to store all my booze. (My parents never new about my closet full of beer; at least they never told me that they knew) Wow… the memories flow when I hit the keyboard. After moving back to live with my mom and little sister my life became very unmanageable. Overnight I had lost my girlfriend for cheating on her with her best friend. (Some honesty is best kept from the ones we hurt) my job sucked, I had a raggedy old car and when I drank it didn’t do the trick anymore. On my last night in good old Wichita I drank 2 fifths of Jack Daniels after being up several days tooting a crap load of blow. I could not get drunk! The liquor was not doing it’s job and this scared me so much I called my dad and asked for his help. My dad had sobered up about a year before that night at a treatment center. He drove up that night to pick me up. Once again I snuck out in the middle of the night.
The Care Unit (Magnolia Hilton) was awesome. I was away from old drinking buddies and bad people. I had sunk to a crowd that where I to continue hanging with; I would have wound up dead or in prison. I was only 19 years old. The Jitter Joint (My dads definition for the treatment center) fed us 3 meals a day and kept us fat with snacks in the upstairs fridge. I went from a scrawny 110 pounds to 170 in warp speed. I met all kinds of people just like me; young, old, smart, stupid, you name it the Care Unit had it all. The seed was planted but it didn’t grow enough to keep me sober. I attended AA meetings like mad, sometimes 3 a day and I filled in the gaps with NA meetings. I was on a great big pink cloud and loving life!

My Last Bottom December 2008

After my by-passes failed in June and they stinted me with a angioplasty booster I tried to manage my drinking with the belief that “red wine is good for the heart and blood”. There were so many drunken nights of horror, a few blackouts, and too many falls. I would wake up with bruises all over my body. My tolerance went to shit in a hurry. The blood thinners and blood pressure meds may have helped this accelerate. I could remember holding my own long before this time, but now a few beers in me and I started slurring my words. I wasn’t fooling anybody but myself. The year was close to ending by now and this meant Holidays. The dreaded holiday season! All my life family gatherings and holidays were like binge night for me. I would drink as much as possible and to this day have not figured out why. My family was tired of watching me kill myself. My daughters were standing in front of the door and hiding my keys and wallet to keep me from buying more booze. My wife was now drinking more and more just to stay with me. My life was UNMANAGEABLE in a heartbeat! I came home drunk on the 19th of December and that was Christmas dinner night with my in-laws. I was left behind because I could not stand up or talk. After my family left, I searched for my keys and wallet………… shit they hid them again! I stumbled out the front door and caught my neighbor backing out his driveway. I must have managed an audible request because the next thing I remember I was downtown at Del Frisco’s. Ahhh the company Christmas party, ok I knew were I was now. Then I remember my boss calling me a taxi, I remember trying to climb over my backyard gate to try and find my hide a key to get back in my house. (Even though the gate was unlocked) I could not find the damn padlock key, so up and over I went. I hit the ground pretty hard and it was night-night, lights-out!!! I woke up sometime early morning (it was still dark outside) my pants were pissed and I was covered in grass. I must have rolled around on the ground to gather all that grass. I mean I was covered in grass! I gained access to my house only to find it empty. She had left me before but this time felt different. I knew I had pushed her past her breaking point and her mom and step dad had witnessed my drunken ass in person. (Christmas a year before I gotten shitty drunk at their East Texas farm and puked all over the place) That is a no-no act punishable by death, but I cleaned it up pretty good. I continued to polish off the hidden bottle of Crown and passed out again. The 20th was a miserable day from hell. Stinky! Shakes! & Shits! And I had them all real bad. I didn’t drink the remainder of the 20th, 21st, or on the 22nd. I crawled through the door of the Southwest AA Group December 22nd. I have 24 days sobriety today.

The letter
My little babies letter to Santa broke me down like the twin towers falling……………..

Dear Santa,
I wunt lots of prsents and a pupy for chistmas. But most of all I wunt my mommy an daddy to be togthr. Can you tlk to them and ask thm to be togthr here Christmas morning.
Love,
Scout
I snuck that in at the last second to avoid crying all over the keyboard.

Here I am...

2009-01-13T13:40:00.008-06:00

Hey all, I’m back, sorry I took a couple of days off. Not that I didn’t have anything to share, just didn’t feel like blogging. I made it through the accident without drinking. I often think (some alcoholics have crazy thinking) what it would take to knock me off the wagon, to rob me from my sobriety. A death of a close loved one, and old drinking buddy pops into town, the temptation gets the best of me at a sporting event, the list goes on and on. I know this is normal from other alcoholics sharing these honest thoughts in meetings. I listen more now than I share so this blog is like my voice in a meeting. It’s good to listen early on in sobriety. Good to feed on the thoughts and experiences of the old timers. I know I don’t have to drink for because of my crazy thoughts. A woman from my home group just lost her father. She did not drink. She is miserable, but she did not drink. That’s the most important thing for an alcoholic to do, “Just don’t drink”! Damn simple isn’t it? My sponsor tells me:
1. Don’t drink!
2. Go to meetings (a lot of meetings everyday).
3. Read the Big Book.
WOW… how simple can it get?
Our family reunion (honeymoon) has long since faded. It was exciting at first when I came home. The love was thick in the air. We all felt close to each other. Things are ok, we are all getting along, and it’s just the normal Woody household stress that bogs us all down.

Dakota’s eating habits seem to be at the front runner of our fears. She keeps gaining weight and we feel helpless. We are going to get her help; we just don’t know where to start. If we try to enforce better eating habits and ask her to try to make better choices, she becomes a big monster and the house becomes a big old bag of shit! We have started locking the kitchen door. (You never know how many times you walk into your kitchen until you pad lock that sucker) OMG, it is a pain to unlock walk in, walk out, lock back…just to remember you need to get Scout a drink of water! Anyway… we will get her help; we know the meds started this crazy food thing, were she eats and eats and eats all day long. She sneaks food, hence the lock on the kitchen door.

My wife is going nuts with a female problem that I have no clue how to help her. (Not Britney Spears shave your head crazy, but a little stressed out crampy feels bad crazy) I feel so helpless! The serenity prayer comes in handy for this. I cannot change her (can’t cure her ailment) I can only change the way I listen to her and how I can support her. I have asked my Aunty “M” to help her and I know she will. (I’m going to catch hell for this last paragraph but I am being honest here).

My health is good. The angina has almost left me completely. Amazing… I stop drinking like a drunken ass drunkard and my chest feels better! It’s sad when your baby calls you “drunken ass” and you can’t argue because you are “drunk”.

I have a very sad story to share about my baby girl and my drinking at Christmas time but I can’t do it now at work. I would be a mess and I need to get back to work. (Her letter to Santa to follow)

Be safe today and tell someone "You Love Them"!

Pink Cloud Part II

2009-01-08T09:47:00.001-06:00

I am ok. The police came and we just exchanged information. Damn flimsy 7-11 coffee cups!!! Ya know I didn’t have to stress over this accident because I am sober, not hung over, and I have insurance like a responsible citizen. Cool Hugh? Yep! My pink cloud has returned. The police just had us exchange info and didn’t notice that my inspection was over a year out. It was awesome speaking to the police and they didn’t know who I was or know me on a first name basis. (1996-1997 I had a full team of police officers, 2 detectives, and a fugitive squad that all knew me very well) I asked one of the cops back then why they always sent 4-6 police cars when they came looking for me. He said, “Mr. Woody your reputation precedes you”. Not now. I haven’t been to jail in over 10 years. I haven’t run from the police in over 11 years. Not that I didn’t have close calls, but my decision making seems to be better now. Anyway… the accident is not an excuse to go drink. I am at work now and have plenty to do to keep my mind occupied and then I am going home to take care of my sick wife. I am going to a 6 o-clock meeting, get my stuff from my dad’s house, watch the championship bowl game at MY HOUSE, and unpack my crap. IM GOING HOME FOR GOOD PEOPLE AND THAT IS THE MOST AWESOME THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME! Without sobriety, I would have nothing!

I want my pink cloud back...

2009-01-08T08:26:00.001-06:00

Shit!!! You know it can't be good if someone starts their blog with a 4 letter word. It's finally happened... my pink cloud is trying to evade me. (not going to let it go) I woke up a little late and got ready for work in a rush. I still felt sleepy so I stopped to grab a cup of Joe. I call my boss (once again, but I'm sober) and tell him I'm going to be 15 minutes late. He says that's ok, but I can't help what thinking what might be going through his head. I get on I30 headed east and the traffic is backed up. I stop and go, stop and go, stop and Baaaammmm! I hit the lady I'm front of me!!! Shit! No damage but she rings the police on her cell anyway. So I call my boss again and tell him I will be a little more late than expected before. The cops are here I will finish this later...

A long day

2009-01-07T16:45:00.002-06:00

I fell asleep last night with 2 nitroglycerine patches on because my chest was feeling a little tight. I woke up with a headache and tooth dust in my mouth from grinding my teeth all night. (Much better than a headache, jaw pain, and a hangover).
I stopped dipping, smoking, and drinking January 2008 after my bypass surgery. I started sneaking a smoke in June 2008. I started back to drinking red wine in July 2008. One glass was suppose to be good for me butt my cardiologist had advised me to abstain from all alcohol because of my alcoholism. I started dipping again in August 2008. I started drinking heavily in September 2008. (Drunk 3-4 times a week) My chest would hurt and I would think I was dying. I would drink real fast to numb my chest and forget about my physical health. The problem was that my body could not handle the alcohol and it would react to my massive beer intake. I would wake up with a hangover (not a problem as a younger drunk) and my chest would be killing me. I thought I was destined to die young and I was scared to leave my wife and kids prematurely. I had to repeat the drinking the next night to numb my pain and feelings. I tried to keep a positive attitude and even cried out to God to keep me from drinking. He can’t stop me when the beer is in my hand inches from my mouth. Insanity over and over again.

We had auditors here today at Wedge to check our counts. I walked about 10 miles from one building to the next and back to the lay down yard to count the 30 items my auditor had on his list. It was good to see Jaye (lead auditor for last 3 years) again. I missed him last January when I was in the hospital after triple bypass surgery. It was my auditors 1st audit and he looked all of 18 straight off the college tour. I had to show him the ropes and break him in slowly. Now that we have pleased the auditors (Jaye said it took half the time it did last year) and they have left, I am sitting at my desk exhausted. HAULT comes to mind and I know I need a meeting, maybe 2. A short time ago I hated to think that I needed meetings and other alcoholics to keep sober. I relish in those thoughts now and look forward to them. I am not a weak person for this, I am weak to alcohol and drugs and people and places and feelings and other shit.
I would like to thank you all for your support on this blog and my sobriety. Your comments help me allot.
My friend that went to Southwest Group yesterday left work early today. He called me for directions to the meeting so I need to go to meet him there…

1966-Were God Want's Me To Be

2009-01-06T21:11:00.000-06:00

I was born June 9th 1966. God wanted me there.

I went to 2 meetings today, a 6 o-clock closed discussion and the 8 o-clock step speaker meeting. God wanted me to be there.

The 1st meeting: A friend (much younger friend) who has been court ordered to attend AA joined me for the 1st meeting tonight. He has been attending another group but has not yet made a choice to stay sober. He prefers to have a few beers before he goes to a meeting and that's ok. I know the seed is being planted because the seed was planted in me 22 years ago. (My seed lay dormant for a long, long time) He often talks about making an effort to stay sober. Anyway he thought that if he went with me tonight instead of his group it would help him to not drink before the meeting. (and he didn't) After the meeting he said he liked my home group allot and that he might come again tomorrow. God wanted me to be there.

The second meeting: A step speaker meeting. (were a recovering alcoholic speaks to other recovering alcoholics about how they worked and continue to work the 12 steps of Alcoholic Anonymous) Ok here is the really cool part of tonight’s blog... the step speaker has been sober since May 1966. OMG!!! 1 month before I was born... 42 years of sobriety! I know alcoholics who have 10+ years, 20+ years, even a few with 30+ years but never ever 42 years of sobriety. She said something that struck home, 'That when she took a drink of alcohol, it was like the answer to a question she never asked'. So true for me. She told her story and it was amazing to sit a listen to this lil' old lady share her before and after experience as an alcoholic. She had some doozies. Definition for doozie: is when you drink so much so often that you black out and forget 2 or more months of your life. I have had small doozies. I once doozzied in my 1968 Camaro driving

to my aunts house were I was living at the time because my family had moved to Fort Worth for my dads job, I woke up while my car was spinning in circles in the median of the highway with so much dirt flying around me that I could not see and did not know where I was. I had dirt in my mouth, in my eyes, all over me. I remember thinking that I must be in a tornado and surely I was going to land in Vernon, TX. or Lawton, Ok. Once the dust settled I got out of my 1968 Camaro ( I was 18 and had a girlfriend, a bad ass car, and a very expensive drug/alcohol habit and I had to make a choice to let one go do to funds) I could not remember where I had been or where I was going, I only knew that I was pointed in the direction of my aunts house. I decided right there and then that I was parking the very fast bad ass 1968 Camaro. I drove my aunts Omni around to work and school. (Not cool to go from a Camaro to an Omni) but drugs/booze and sex was much more important to me than a cool ride. Back to the point> This lady was talking and I was mesmerized with her story. She started at a very young age like I did, she said the things that I felt/feel, she conveyed the concept of powerlessness over alcohol. I’m floating on a cloud this year because I’m sober and 2009 is so much better than 2008 (worse year of my life) I look forward to hearing her speak next week.GOD WANTED ME THERE!

2009-01-05T16:52:00.000-06:00

I am posting early today so I can make a 6 o-clock meeting and then watch the game. Go Longhorns!
The best part of today was waking up sober on a Monday morning and feeling good mentally and physically. Getting to work early and starting my day with confidence. We begin our end of year inventory today and I am in charge (not by choice) but that’s another story. Being sober today has allowed me to motivate myself to complete this count with confidence and a clear head. Skip this line if you’re sensitive to poo talk.

I also avoided the all so time consuming beer squirts. (10-15 trips to the potty) I feel great and I had an awesome conversation with my boss this afternoon. He asked if I was ok, and I could tell him honestly “YES” I’m ok! I told him I quit the booze so now he knows. No secrets at work. He told me how great I am at my job and what an asset I am for the company. (Feels good to hear that) He told me to be here and the long haul looks very promising for us. “JUST BE HERE WILL” “I NEED YOU HERE WILL”. And I can say with confidence that I will be here, that I want to be here, that I really like my job, that I enjoy it daily even when Mr. Big Hands doesn’t have time for shit. The big bosses are here for inventory and when I’m sober I make my boss look good. I want to make my boss look good.

Thank you God for keeping me sober today!

Sober 318 Hours

2009-01-05T00:06:00.000-06:00

I had a great day, would have been better if my beloved Dallas Cowboys were winning a playoff game, but hey there's always next year. I have been sober for 318 hours now and it feels great. I talked to my sponser today and we have a plan for the steps. (1 a month) I can handle that. I always dashed through steps 1-3, they were easy for me. It was when i reached that dreaded step 4 that I came to a screching hault. I feel comfortable doing step 4 with my sponser, but 1st things 1st. Step 1: I admitt I am powerless over alcohol - my life is unmanageable.
I will focus on this for now.

I stayed after the meeting to visit with other alcoholics (This is incouraged by old timmers) and I was talking to another alcoholic who has a autistic daughter like me but much older than Dakota. WOW... I was amazed at how much we have in commin. I drank out of guilt, anger, stress, and fear for my daughter Dakota. (for those that don't know her, she is 9 yrs old and has Aspbergers http://www.weirdnotstupid.com/whatisaspergers.asp ) and we have been battleing this affliction for 7 1/2 years. I say battleing because some days are nothing but a battle all day long. If she has a great day at school, get ready for hell at home. So i drank to forget that my daughter is a special needs child, or that I had no idea what we would do or have to do once she became 18, or because I felt like she was cheated out of a normal funtioning life. That one still eats at me from the inside like I have little bugs chomping at my feelings. After sharing with this other alcholic tonight, I now know that I'm not alone, that I have another drunk to talk with, to stay sober with. It feels so awesome to have this!

Hi my name is Will and I am an alcholic. Today I have no desire to drink or do drugs.

Aj, I hit spell check 3 times, so if you find a word missspelled, blame the damn spell check

291 hours Sober

2009-01-03T22:42:00.001-06:00

I got a neat new application on my Iphone last night. It's iPhone AA and it keeps track of my sobriety down to the hour. It has the steps, traditions, the main 168 pages and the sobriety calculator. I read Ace Full Seven Eleven last night on my phone in bed. I know.....way cool...right!?!?

I went to the 1 o'clock meeting today at Southwest (my home group). It was a Grapevine meeting and we read about a lady who was kicked out of her home and wound up drinking on the rail road tracks. I could relate to some of her story and the chair person told us to look for the similarities and not the differences. I shared and met some new drunks. It was a good meeting.

I have a Sponser now and I called and talked to him tonight and it felt great.

I almost feel guilty for feeling so good! I have a calm about me and AA is clicking for me this time. Just 3 months ago I hated AA and the drunks that hung out there. I would go to a meeting and sit there thinking about running out the door and haulin' ass to the nearest beer store. And I did a few times and them I would just say I was going to a meetingcand use the hour to get as drunk as I could before returning home. (my auntie "M" and mom would tell me that that last sentence had all kinds of grammical errors) I love using " that that" in a sentence. My wife would tell me I can't spell worth a shit and pic my word appart, so now I use her for spell check when posting from my phone. If you find any spelling errors, it's AJ's faylt. LOL

The Woody's have been decluttering their home. This helps my sobriety and gives our house a nice harmony. Again things are clicking.

I'm sober today!

The little things that add up

2009-01-02T12:07:00.000-06:00

I am back to work after a nice sober New Years. I was going to go out to Dr. Winslow’s for my purple stuff treatment , (if you have any cardiovascular, stroke, diabetes, circulatory, or other ailment) I strongly suggest you read this: http://wftexas.com/DrDavidWinslow_DO.html and visit here: http://www.inoclot.com/ because Dr. Winslow has saved my life. Anyway… I decided to skip the treatment and rush to work arriving 15 minutes late. Side Note: My boss does not like for me to be late due to my work history in 2008. Having had triple by-pass surgery in January 08’ and missing 8 weeks of work, then having to get my 3 by-passes stinted in June 08’ missing another 10 days of work, and several other trips to the emergency room thinking I was dying from a heart attack. (Almost always after a night of heavy drinking) It is important I not be late or miss work for any reason for the rest of my life. Not to metion the days I missed because I was so hungover I couldn't get out of be.

Little Thing #1
So, I get to work and it is real quiet, BECAUSE THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE IS OFF TODAY!!! I make a pot of Joe, talk to underling #1 (a cool kid named Jeff who does inventory control for us) and start my day. My boss drops by my office and asks if we were starting pre-counts for our end of year inventory. No I respond and he tells me that our warehouse manager (To be refered to as Mr. Big Hands from now on)
told him that they (Mr. Big hands and the warehouse crew) were slow and that they would like some direction on starting pre-counts. Soooooooooo, I ask underling #1 to come to my office so we can call Mr. Big Hands and get him some damn direction. Ring, ring, ring, no answer on Mr. Big Hands office line… hang up and dial his cell (why he doesn’t forward his damn office line to his cell baffles me since he is never in his office) Hello says Mr. Big Hands who is sometimes referred to as "Mr. IDHTFTS" (I Don’t Have Time For This Shit), and I proceed to instruct Mr. BH on the items he can have his underlings start counting to which he immediately replies, I don’t have time for this shit!, we are so busy doing this and that and I don’t think we can even begin to get started on pre-counts. I am trying to talk to Mr. IDHTFTS and answer a question he has asked me when he hangs up… underling#1 tells me Mr. BH has hung up because I do not notice because I am still talking to the damn speaker phone.
This would be little thing #1 that would start my day and set the motion to a great big ol’ drunk starting at 5:02 pm (2 minutes from work to the closest beer store). and other things might pop up like:
Little Thing #2
Our autistic daughter crapping her pants at school.

Little Thing #3
The little one (Scout who is 3’ tall and weighs a whopping 30 pounds dripping wet) gets into a fight at school and is sent to the office.

Little Thing #4
I have a low tire and need to put air in it.
Or it’s cold outside or it’s hot outside or it’s raining. I just needed one little thing to set myself up for a drunk. These little things don’t amount to shit for normal people, but to me a hopeless alcoholic they trigger a set of motions that lead me to failure and remorse.

Recovery solution for the Little Things: I start my day with a prayer to God Jesus Christ my savor, and ask him to keep me sober today. (Just today) When little thing #1 pops it’s ugly big hands up, I tell myself I cannot change Mr. Big Hands, I can only change the way I react to the dipshit, I call another alcoholic and whine like a baby, and I get my ass to a meeting. The most important thing is to not take that first sip. It feels good to know this now…

Sobriety support

2009-01-02T09:26:00.000-06:00

Just a few of the responses I have received from Family and Friends:

Woody, Im glad your seeing the light again and doing ok. We all have our evils. Stick with it Man, Remember what works, keep it working. Take care of your family and yourself. I am always here for ya.

Danny (BFF)
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WOODY, THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I TOO HAVE HAD AN ADDICTION PROBLEM AND WITH LOTS OF PRAYER AND WILL POWER YOU CAN OVERCOME IT. I LEARNED YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO HATE WHAT THE ADDICTION WHETHER IT BE A DRUG OR ALCOHOL HAS DONE TO YOU. I'M HEAR FOR YOU, TRUST ME, WHO I AM TODAY IS NOT WHO I USED TO BE. I BATTLE IT EVERYDAY!

I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS, LOVE YA!

TRACY
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You,ve had so many hurdles to cross and I truly believe you want to stay sober. Gus and I have
always supported and believed in you. But we love and support the William WITHOUT the filter
(booze.) We all have our own demons and a unique way of handling stress - I watched my dad
use his anger as his weapon. For years I fought an ugly anger spot when I really got mad. I now have
it pretty much under control. You will have yours under control and finally lick it. We will not stand
by and watch you self destruct. You have way too much to lose and you know that.

Please stay away from IT. Love, Helen
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2008-12-31T23:43:00.000-06:00

It's New Years Eve and I am sober. This is a great accomplishment, two hollidays in a row, clean and sober. Im at home with my girls and loving life. I went to a noon meeting today and the topic was service work. Second meeting in a row about this topic... maybe a message there. I remember when I first sobered up in 85' going out to the prison and taking AA meetings to the inmates. I allways felt good comming out of those meetings. I know the steps, I have done them and I will do them again. I know the fellowship that is given freely in meetings and the friendships that develop from AA. I feel I have to take the message out there and help other Alcholics this time to keep my sobriety. I know this. I feel good after a meeting. The step speaker laast night was amazing. I want what he has. (over 10 years sober) Today is 10 days sober for me. I am adjusting to not living in my home, but I still don't like it. It makes me want it even more (sobriety and my family) I know what is important to me and I will not let alchol beat me. There was a young guy who re-established his sobriety date today at the noon meeting. What courage that takes to do re-establish on a regular day, but to do it today on the party night of the year... WOW! Thats desire, courage, and recovery all in one.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I know I am lloking forward to 2009!

Sobriety

2008-12-30T21:35:00.001-06:00

Wow what a good day. Work was dead, I'm off tomorrow and Thursday, and I went to 2 meetings.
The 1st meeting was discussion on joy/happiness of recovery of which I feel now and enjoy daily.
The 2nd meeting was a step speaker... I was blown away by the speaker. He is a true gift from God and proof that the program works.
Oh... And I got to see my wife and oldest daughter Dakota.

Thank you God for keeping me sober today. I am in a much better place because I'm not drinking!

I think I will double up the meetings tomorrow again.

Oh...Oh... And I think I found a sponser...

Sobriety Mobil

2008-12-30T16:02:00.001-06:00

I have to drive by ten stores/liqour stores that sale spirits to and from work. In the past this was a great challenge. I often stopped (3-4 days a week)and picked up a six pack on the way home and slamed it in the 15 minute drive. If I left early, I would get a 12 pack (once a week) and have it pollised in 1 hour. I then attempted to walk into my house upright without slurring my words. It never worked and I was always busted within 5 minutes of arrival. Wife, "have you been drinking?" me, "NO!" , wife, "then why do you smell like booze?" me, "What?" wife, "why are you slurring?" me,"i i aaasaa mmmmm Noooot!" BUSTED!!! And so on and so on. Some days my wife would call me at work around 4 0-clock and ask me whats wrong and I honestly didn't know of anything "wrong" in my day. "Nothing" I would reply. And it was like she had x-ray vision and ulta sonic hearing straight into my soul so deep that I couldn't even feel what she saw/heard inside me. Man that
would piss me off! So, every time this happened, guess what this drunkass did? Yep, 1st store on the trip home, BEER!!! and that 1st store was sometimes not enough, there would be more pit stops enroute.

Today, I say 10 prayes when I leave my office. God please don't let this fucking car stop! Get me through this trip sober! Amen!

I'm going to a meeting!

Write more later...

Sobriety Date 12-22-08

2008-12-30T09:19:00.000-06:00

I have hit a bottom low enough to to push me to make changes in my life to be a better husband, father, co-worker, brother, and human being. My story is like other alcoholics, I come from a family of drunks and did not stray from the long pattern of dysfunctional misfits of society. My father thought me the art of drinking early on as a baby. He thought it would be a good idea to put a little beer in my baby bottle to help me sleep. (I do not blame my father for my disease) As far back as I can remember I did not like feeling feelings or dealing with the way I felt. If I felt happy I drank, if I felt sad I drank, if I was stressed I drank, and on and on. The alcohol was my side kick and I kept it close at all times. I changed when I drank. I could be anything or anybody you needed me to be just so you would like me, accept me without seeing the true me inside, behind the wall I put up.
I grew up in a small North Texas town called Wichita Falls. The tornado of 1979 was a significant trauma in my life as it blew our house and all of our belongings away and scared the living shit out me and my family. I smoked hashish for the first time at 9 years old, drank vodka until I was so drunk my mom had to put me in a cold bath to make me coherent at 10. I smoked marijuana daily from 6th grade until I graduated high school. Oh and I drank heavily in high school along with the drugs: bella-donna (The drug atropine is produced from the foliage, which along with the berries are extremely toxic, with hallucinogenic properties.) acid (Lysergic acid diethylamide, LSD, LSD-25, or acid, is a semisynthetic psychedelic drug) meth Methamphetamine is a psychostimulant drug.) cocaine (Cocaine (benzoylmethyl ecgonine) is a crystalline tropane alkaloid that is obtained from the leaves of the coca plant) you name it I most likely abused it. I was a party animal and I made sure the people around me were the same. I did it so well I had to go into rehab in 1985 right out of High School. (THE SEED OF RECOVERY WAS PLANTED INTO MY HEAD) I did allot of fucked up shit while practicing the art of alcoholism and drug addiction. But this blog is not about all that... It's about what happens now... what I do to become a better person.

The beginning... My Sobriety date is December 22nd, 2008. I have not had a drink in 7.4 days and I feel the fog lifting.