Wild Ride Willy

   I hesitate to begin this blog with its correct intro, just because I wouldn’t believe this shit if anyone told me what I am about to tell you all. So here goes:

“Yawl ain’t gonna’ believe this shit… butttttt” on my way home from work today I saw the damndest thing ever”! And I have witnessed some wicked stuff!

I know right?!? You are already thinking this redneck son-of-a-gun is full of it! But listen up; this is some real freaky stuff I witnessed today. I was almost to Willow Park (on I20 headed east)and this dude passed me doing like 100 mph in this badazz looking old school Chevrolet Camaro. It was a different color of black none other than I have ever seen. This black paint was the kind that changes colors depending on how the light hit it. He was going way faster than a 100 and I almost peed myself when he rushed past me like a rocket jet. So with reflex muscles that just came natural to me from birth, I looked in my rear view mirror to see if someone was chasing him. And sure enough way back about ¼ of a mile was the oh-so familiar red & blue lights racing as fast as his patrol car could giddy up. And then another ½ mile behind him was more flashing lights all headed our direction. But I didn’t think they had a chance in hell catching that black Camaro. But here’s the thing that caught my attention as the camera past me, “I swear to God it looked like a kid or a midget, (sorry little person) driving it. Then all of a sudden the 1^st patrol car passed me as I was pulling my ear phones from my ears and I could hear his siren screech by. It was a Ford Mustang DPS officer that was hot in pursuit of that little person/kid racing, running, fly-by, fast ass black Camaro. SO not having an official driving license at the moment I was on cruise control at 60 mpg (right on the limit) listening to my iPod (yes, it used to be a iPhone before our service was deleted from the ATT&T data banks and sent straight to the really nasty collection company that try their best to crawl under your finger nails and dig into your soft pink skin). 

   Sorry I got sidetracked there. Anyway I was just almost in a trance listening to, “Fire coming out of the Monkey” by the Gorillaz; which I just put back on while typing this blog because AJ just came inside and turned off my radio. (The Eagle was rocking old school Ozzy, Ratt, Quiet Riot, ya know the real cool shit etc…) so I needed the music to finish this blog. So I hit the accelerator on the old 93’ Teal Honda Accord and tried to at least keep up without going too fast. I could barely make out the ass end of the DPS Officer’s Mustang. I looked back in my mirror and realize all of the other patrol cars that were in pursuit had completely vanished like they were never behind us at all. I am really beginning to think I might be having a much delayed flash back from all of the acid I dropped in High School. SO I look forward and I can’t see the Mustang or the Camaro but realize I am pushing 135 mph and freak out totally. I let off of the accelerator and pumped my brakes a couple of times. Then out of the corner of my eye I could see the Cop and the midget camaro dude hauling ass down a dirt side road off I20. It looked like a Tasmanian devil was running down that dirt road!  I look up just in time to make the next exit and swerve off I20 onto the side road and make the loop back around so I can find access to that dirt road. Now by the time I got on the dirt road the dust had settled so I could see pretty far in front of me, so thinking there wouldn’t be any chance of a cop running radar on this country dirt road; I slam down on the pedal and try to catch up to those two. There were a lot of hills up and down and topping the 4^th hill (the biggest one of them), I see the camaro upside down to the left of the road in the bar ditch. I flashed back to when my Papa somehow got his old Chevy pickup upside down in the cement bar ditch across from the road from Sheppard Air Force base outside Wichita Falls, Texas. They both survived the crash, but I never got the truth about how Papa & Memaw ended up upside down in that bar ditch. I slammed on my brakes and slid sidewise to the left and almost spun completely around. After the dust settled from my James Bond pursuit and catch adventure, I could see the little fellow laying there off to the side of the ditch tangled up in the barb wire fence is this little man bleeding from his face, his chest, and his stomach. His blood had already soaked through his undershirt and his fancy button down designer shirt. I jumped out and ran up to him and immediately asked him if he was ok? He was startled by my question as he squints his eyes in the sun to catch a glimpse of who was asking him this question. I asked him again, “Hey-Buddy! Are you OK”???  He told me he was good to go if I could help him get out of that fence. I didn’t even answer him and ran back to my car to get my multi-tool (multi-tools rock) to cut him loose. After I cut him free of the barbwire were he looked like an airplane propeller all tied up in that fence. I asked him, “Where the hell is that Trooper that was chasing him”? He just pointed to the other side of the road and I froze still in horror and disbelief at what I saw. The DPS Mustang was upside down and the Trooper was underneath the hood pinned to the earth like a sticlyless post it pinned to a cork board with a sharp purple tack. I screamed at the little man, “What the fuck have you done? What the FUCK”!!! He begged me to give him a ride to Fort Worth and that he would make it worth my while. I didn’t know what the hell to do! Then I hear sirens off in the distance growing nearer… I grabbed the little man up in my arms and thought to myself, my youngest daughter whom is nine years old and the shortest in her class even after repeating second grade. (No we did not hold her back because she is short and we wanted her to blend in her peer group better). Not that there is anything wrong with doing that, it’s just that Scout had to repeat due to falling behind because she missed so much school. I threw him in the back seat of my car and jumped in the driver’s seat, slammed the accelerator down and took off in the opposite direction of the sirens. Which lead us deeper into the country and further away from the Interstate. The other cops/State Troopers must have stopped back at the scene of whatever happened to them; which was very messy. I began to worry what the hell I had gotten myself into. Somehow I made it to the backside of Lake Granbury and recognized Indian Harbor. I snaked my way up 377 into south Fort Worth. We hadn’t spoken one word to each other the whole way up from that bloody dirt road.  I finally broke the silence as we passed Bryant Irving going east on I20. I asked him several questions rapidly:

1. What was his name?

A: Lil’ Johnny

2. What the hell was he running from?

A: Which he replied with a smartass response, “The Po-Po Boss”!

3. Where did he want to be dropped off at?

A: The Greyhound Bus Station downtown.

4. What did he mean by “making it worth it to me”?

A: “Just drop me off at the bus station and keep the questions to myself.

5. Not a question but a much exaggerated AJ special was all I could muster up to respond.

We did not speak the rest of the way to the bus station. A million and one things ran through my head the short trip. I pulled up to the bus station on Houston Street and he crawled out of my backseat and slammed the door shut with a little too much force for a standard little man. I paused and watched him walk into the door and disappear into a crowd of passengers and homeless folks. I drove off and headed for the house. After I turned onto Forrest by the river I looked back in the back seat where the little man Johnny had just been bleeding all over my seats. I did a double take twice… which makes it a quad take, because I couldn’t believe that  there was no blood. Then I looked back the last time and there it was, a box; a box that hadn’t been there before was now there waiting for me to pull over and open it. I did just that in the abandoned Fitness Club parking lot across from the Haunted House and year round costume/magic store:Real Cool Stuff. I opened the box slowly not sure what to expect, but knowing what I wanted to expect; money, cash money! BINGO! JACKPOT! fricken’ $10,000 beautiful green American danero. Please excuse me if I misspell my Spanish words, I am so lazy I barely use spell check on English words.  My heart was beating so rapid I could feel my stints getting bombarded by my blood rushing through my veins. They feel weird when you can feel them, which is just weird. This was it! This could be my, “What I needed to get out of the hole and rebuild a comfort zone in the bank to cover emergencies and such”; a real "jump-start". This could get us out of debt. I started my car and put it in drive. Time to go home Wild Willy, time to see what the news was saying about that Trooper and see if they knew anything about the little man Johnny?  Just then a Fort Worth Police Officer turned on his lights and siren right behind me and I froze! I jammed the gear shaft into first gear and left rubber tracks for a whole city block. Second gear… SCREACH! Third gear… SCREACH!!! Fourth gears… vroom!!! And I was gone! My car lifted up off the pavement and flew right over the Zoo up so high I could see for miles. Sorry Peeps, I just needed an escape from reality for a bit. And this hit the spot! Peace Peeps!